Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to mention it

(126 Posts)
Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:22:31

To cut a long story short from my previous posts. Went through a bad patch with dh last year over his friendship with ow v. Mn called it an emotional affair he even moved to his mums over it claiming to be sick of the rows and not having me tell him who he can be friends with.
He moved back in v has cut contact and after threatening divorce he removed her off social media
Because of all the deleting text secret phone calls etc he has lost some of my trust we have been moving on and things have been much better between us.
A few months ago he was showing me something on his phone an she was there on his WhatsApp so I asked to see the message of course it had been deleted he said it was just thanking him for bringing her horse in. I explained yet again that I would rather have seen that message rather than that they had been in contact and he felt the need to delete it
So we carry on plodding on. Last night I saw photos of them together with dd out with the dogs on v facebook neither dh or dd mentioned they had met her aibu to think they should have told me ? Am I right to be annoyed given the past situation?
They usually mention things the dogs have got up to
When I mentioned it to dh he said they bumped into her and he never gave it a second thought to mention it to me yet there are loads of pictures he usually tell me me who he's seen or funny stuff the dogs have done yet never mentioned it
Obviously it is innocent they were out in broad day light in the park but I feel by not telling me he's not being open with me

Happybunny19 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:35:12

I expect he very deliberately didn't tell you, as he knows how you would react. I doubt it's anything to worry about, as your daughter was also there. I don't think it's healthy that you're still looking at her Facebook page though. You both clearly haven't got over your previous difficulties and should consider counselling, you're obviously finding it difficult to move on and regain trust.

IAmcuriousyellow Mon 24-Apr-17 09:36:44

I remember your previous thread and I'm sorry it's still going on. I don't blame you for hating it. So he hasn't removed her from social media at all has he - i would be very annoyed and uncomfortable too. I'm sorry I dont have anything more useful to say except that I would feel the same - the trouble with a situation which contains secrets is that they escalate.

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:41:19

I wasn't looking at her Facebook page she tagged dd in all the pictures so it came on my newsfeed. It's not a ltb situation but I was a bit shocked to see a zillion pictures of them all together they look like they are having a family day out selfies of them together. I probably am over reacting but would of preferred to have been told they had seen her.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 09:42:04

Totally unacceptable he is involving your dd in his dalliance.
He is still cheating imo. .
You gave him the chance to move on from her. . He is still carrying her along. . Taking the piss on your marriage to me.
Send him back to his dm. .

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:43:05

Yes he has removed her off facebook dd hasn't which is why I saw the pictures I wasn't snooping they came up on my news feed.

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:48:00

I can't control who he bumps into on the park I know that but think either dh or dd should of told me as it wasn't a quick hello and keep walking was a bit shocked to see the pics when they never even said they bumped into her
I doubt anything is going on but I have asked for him to be open and honest with me

2014newme Mon 24-Apr-17 09:49:56

Er, I think it is a ltb situation. He us hanging out with this woman even taking kids to walk the digs with her! It's humiliation for you, why would you put up with this nonsense

DrMorbius Mon 24-Apr-17 09:50:43

Do you really expect him to give you a breakdown of every person he met while out walking the dog. A minute by minute account of his actionsblush if you are that bothered why don't you go with him.

He was with your DD ffs, what do you think he could get up to?

Aworldofmyown Mon 24-Apr-17 09:50:51

If this women knows the trouble she caused previously I think her tagging your daughter in the pictures is very deliberate.
In your shoes I would be worried and pissed off as I think she clearly has an agenda.

Piratesandpants Mon 24-Apr-17 09:56:12

You are being far too nice. They are taking the bloody piss. He has no respect for you and if is do insignificant to him he should have nothing to do with her. Get firm with him now.

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:56:42

I was at work and no I don't expect to know every dog walker he's met just someone we have had previous problems with.

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:59:42

Dr morbis not just any dog walker though is she. He left the family home over rows because of her.

Itsagoodnightfromme Mon 24-Apr-17 10:10:06

It depends if they genuinely bumped into each other (unlikely) or arranged to meet up. If it looked like they were playing happy families, like you say, I would be very suspicious.

Alfiemoon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 10:18:37

No I think they genuinely bumped into each other. I am not suspicious anything is going on I just feel dh or dd should of told me rather than me see the pictures on fb. They usually tell me what the dogs have been up to or if they have met someone we know. It wasn't a passing hello they have obviously spent time together not a problem but for me given the past secrecy of deleting text locking phones secret midnight calls etc it has brought up the past and I would rather have heard it from him first I expect him to be honest and open with me rather than hide things

Aworldofmyown Mon 24-Apr-17 10:41:09

He should have been polite and exchanged pleasantries, not joined in with selfies to be shared on Facebook.

He is taking the piss and has not taken your upset over this woman seriously at all.

LesisMiserable Mon 24-Apr-17 10:45:03

Fucking rude.

JakeBallardswife Mon 24-Apr-17 10:51:12

Its all a bit strange that he allowed pictures to be taken of DD, then she is posting them on FB. She is fueling the situation but he is allowing her to. Very odd that he didn't feel he could tell you about it in a genuine way and then allowed DD to be photographed by her.

You are right to feel sidelined and lied to because you have been. If he'd been honest it might've been a bit awkward but not deceitful.

FluffyWhiteTowels Mon 24-Apr-17 10:53:13

Emotional affair is continuing he's just doing it in front of you. She is deliberately provoking by sharing photos.

Sorry OP I feel for you

kittybiscuits Mon 24-Apr-17 10:56:46

Ignore mobius - he's just doing his party trick.

Bumping into does not involve self-esteem and tagging your daughter on FB. He lied about no contact. He has no respect for you and OW is flaunting this in your face. Please find your dignity and kick him out for good.

kittybiscuits Mon 24-Apr-17 10:57:23

*self-esteem is supposed to say selfies

Changedname3456 Mon 24-Apr-17 10:59:22

I'd have serious issues if my DP "bumped into" someone she'd been having an ea with and then stayed long enough to have a whole load of selfies taken. Who does that on a random dog walk anyway? I might take pics if my kids are out on a play date with friends, but not if I bumped into one of my mates in the local park whilst taking the mutt for a stroll!

I assume she knows that she was an issue in your relationship - or was it all in your partner's head?

If she knows then there are two reasons for the tagging. The charitable one is that she knew you'd see them and wants to be transparent - her way of ensuring you know, and that your partner is forced to talk about it with you. The other explanation is that it's a deliberate dig at you and the happy families thing is exactly what she's trying to niggle you with. Do you know HER well enough to know which is more likely?

Oh, and my "D" exW "bumped into" the OM on more than one occasion with my dc in tow on walks so it's entirely possible it was planned.

GoodDayToYou Mon 24-Apr-17 11:04:49

Could it be that your dd initiated the selfies, as young people often do? Maybe dh went along with it rather than make a scene or have to explain things to dd?

mum11970 Mon 24-Apr-17 11:16:38

I walk daily and have never taken a selfie with anyone I have bumped into whilst out. Don't most people just exchange pleasantries and carry on with their walk. I would be very suspicious that it was a planned meeting, made out to seem accidental. The kind of carry on you're putting up with would definitely be a ltb situation to me.

MrsSthe3rd Mon 24-Apr-17 11:25:24

I really think this was a manipulated meeting. With the great excuse that DD was there, so nothing could have gone on. And then they all stop for selfies, which just happen to turn up, tagged, on Facebook?! That's no 'bumping into' in my eyes.

I would make it clear what you expect from him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now