So done. Constant lies. What now?(12 Posts)
I'll try and give as many details as possible without outing myself.. Half rant, half needing advice
1DC, under 1 year. DP/XP is a complete bastard. I could spend all night writing about the twisted, fucked up things he's done but here's a few:
- wanted me to meet all his friends/family right up until I got pregnant - fairly certain he still hasn't told his family about our DC
- financially contributed fuck all - literally £0. Has loads of disposable income - a few hundred a week - but spends just on himself and makes up lies about having no money when I'm struggling to afford basics for DC
- Gave me an STI when I was heavily pregnant - didn't tell me, got himself treated and avoided sex, I only found out because I had thrush and was tested for everything just to be on the safe side. If it hadn't been detected DC could have caught it and got pneumonia or had eye problems. When I confronted him he laughed and said I hadn't got it from him.
- Multiple times touched me/done things after I'd repeatedly said no - but he's stronger than me and I was in a lot of pain by the end of my pregnancy so found it hard to physically make him stop
- tried it on with a friend of mine then blamed her
- fucked off for several weeks once DC was born - never asked how DC was, made up a shit excuse as to why he hadn't seen DC, and then only bothered talking to me to ask if I'd healed up and was able to have sex yet
- Pretty much completely ignored DC on the rare occasions he has seen DC. Repeatedly tried to have sex with me instead, never even said hello to DC/cuddles etc despite me trying to help him get to know DC.
- constantly put me down for the way I parent - told me that I was spoiling DC for feeding several times in an evening (cluster feeding) as a newborn, said I should leave DC to cry instead (at literally a few days old.... Wtf!)
- Made thinly veiled theats to take DC away
Most recently he's been using OLD, profiles updated, he completely denies. Just so done with it. I haven't put the worst things he's done but I'm so drained from trying to keep it all in and deal with it. He doesn't know that he isn't on DC birth certificate - he never bothered to find out how parental rights work so at least there's that.
- told me stories about quite severe fights he'd gotten into - then reassured me afterwards 'but don't worry I haven't hurt a woman before'
I don't know what to do now. He scares me and I think he might be a sociopath. He compulsively lies and has no conscience what so ever. I don't want him anywhere near DC for DCs own good - during the pregnancy I tried to put everything else aside for the chance he might be a fantastic father but he's awful and dangerous. He's spoke before about how the best way to hurt someone is through their family and he knows where my Family live. Scary.
What do I do?
I'm scared to see him, I don't know what to do. Money is really tight and I've considered filing for child maintinence but I'm scared of what he'd do if I did that. Would that also give him parental rights? Should I just cut ties and hope he stays away? He's always expressed an interest in spending more time with DC once they're able to talk and be independent and I'm scared of what he would say to DC and I'd never ever trust him. My every instinct tells me to keep DC as far away as possible.
What do I do?
Sorry to hear this, firstly if he's forcing you it's rape. Secondly you're not a dirty secret neither is your child, how would it make your dc feel is she/he grew up knowing his father was ashamed of them? Thirdly get rid now before it's too late. Simply cut him off you're not his bitch. You and your child deserve better. Please take this serious for your child's sake
Also I'm not sure if he's working that child maintenance would be mandatory on him, don't quote me on that. If he was to hurt you or your family and make threats the police can put a restraining order on him which would scare him enough to fuck right off or end up in prison!!
Someone will be along soon with more practical advice, but you are right to want to get away from this awful, awful, man for both your sakes.
Firstly report the sexual assaults to the police and take advice on how you can keep him as far away from you as possible.
Secondly, go to the CMS and make him pay towards his children.
What an utter bastard, I'm furious for you. Please don't let him bear you/in your home again. He's a danger to you.
No good advice just handhold - but you're doing the right thing by getting rid of him. Definitely go to the police, make that step asap and get help
You know deep down this is not a nice man
He's not going to change to be a nice man
He is using you for sex and the child is an inconvenience
Get far far far far far away from this horrid excuse of a human being
File a complaint with the police. You need to do this for your own protection and that of your child's. Their domestic violence unit will signpost you to all the help and assistance you need.
Secondly, you need to get away. Can you temporarily move in with family for now? If not, contact Women's Aid and they will advise you.
And don't be scared of his threats. He's trying to manipulate you into doing exactly what he wants. Your baby does not need or deserve such an evil bastard in his life so best to cut ties immediately before any more damage is done.
And you don't need anyone's permission to do what you want to do for the health, safety and sanity of you and your child.
You're half way there OP by realising what he's like and processing the options of what to do next.
Stay safe. Stay strong.
Paying to support his child won't give him parental responsibility.
Report him to the police.
He is a rapist. Report report report. .
Then ring womens aid. .
I haven't put the worst things he's done ...
OMFGs, there's worse than that?!?
Police for the rapes and threats, Women's Aid for general advice, your Health Visitor/GP for your overall mental state and concerns for child, CMS for maintenance.
Talk to your family; for support if you think they'll give it (not all families are nice), but also to give them the heads-up that he may have them on his radar...
In general, the only thing that stops guys like this is [what they consider to be] a higher authority. He might obey the police/courts, but he sure as hell won't change for you or DD. Oh, and you might get some leverage with his desire for secrecy with his own family.
Do not try to keep him sweet. There isn't an ounce of that in his entire being.
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