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How to tell friend not to kiss my baby?

(28 Posts)
icedlattes Sat 22-Apr-17 23:24:41

A friend of mine was really excited about my baby being born and loves cuddles and kisses - which is fine with me, but she's gotten a bit OTT, last time she visited she kissed the baby on the lips a couple of times and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I'm not precious about my baby but I had quite a difficult delivery and stay in hospital so I want to be really careful about germs and even without the hygiene issue it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable anyway!

No one else has done this, it's always been on the head kisses or just cuddles, I'm not sure how to mention it to my friend without it being really uncomfortable afterwards. confused

She even did it while my baby was trying to sleep and trying to feed, when my baby was trying to turn her head and face away. sad I then tried to keep it casual by mentioning 'oh babys name is trying to sleep/feed at the moment' and she just continued regardless..

Makes me not want to meet up with this friend anymore.. wwyd?confused

lovecreameggs Sun 23-Apr-17 01:57:22

I think you just need to tell her. Say the baby is sensitive to some make ups and perfumes and as a result shouldn't be kissed constantly

FastWindow Sun 23-Apr-17 02:05:06

Your friend seems to have boundary issues. I would never touch a friends newborn without explicit permission. And even then it would be a touch of the hand, to the head, never mouth contact.

You can risk losing your strange friend, or risk an unnecessary cold or whatever to your baby.

I'd be on the baby's side...

DoubleCarrick Sun 23-Apr-17 02:15:45

"baby caught a cold the other day so we've decided that we don't want people to kiss baby any more. Doctors said she's at greater risk of infection and we don't want to go back to hospital"

StrawberryJelly00 Sun 23-Apr-17 02:20:53

I would tell her to stop immediately - a coldsore could be fatal for your little one.
Personally I would ask your friend what is wrong with her? Who kisses a baby that isn't their own on the lips??? Strange behaviour

highinthesky Sun 23-Apr-17 02:28:35

No way! Be firm and don't apologise.

I'd be going nuts about the possibility of viral transmission (herpes). The only thing worse than kissing lips is kissing the eyes.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 23-Apr-17 03:40:55

Do NOT worry a bit about offending her. Tell her flat out to never do that again. This is YOUR baby and you make the rules. Stay strong!

icedlattes Sun 23-Apr-17 07:04:01

Glad it isn't me being strange to find it so uncomfortable!

It's weird because before I had my baby me and the friend spoke and I said how much Id hate people being touchy feely with my baby. And she completely agreed. Would it be unreasonable to create a lot of distance with this person now?confusedflowers

icedlattes Sun 23-Apr-17 07:11:03

Freaking out now, she didn't have a cold sore is there any chance she could pass it on without an active cold sore??

LellyMcKelly Sun 23-Apr-17 07:20:27

Just say 'Stop kissing baby on the lips. That's weird. Who does that?!' I don't even kiss my own children in the lips.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 23-Apr-17 07:21:43

Just say not on the lips as she is more susceptible to illness, but kissing elsewhere is fine.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 23-Apr-17 07:23:32

I wouldn't make a big deal of it, just point out the hygiene reasons. I kiss my dc a lot and they kiss me on the lips (3 and 5). I wouldn't do it with someone else's dc but I don't think it helps to call a friend odd.

TheVanguardSix Sun 23-Apr-17 07:30:53

OP, read about antibodies that we are born with. Read about a baby's post-natal immunology. We develop antibodies in-utero which see us through for our first few months of life. Newborns tend to have super immunity unless they are born with a deficiency- this is the risk with pre-term babies. Also if you are breastfeeding, there you go, even more antibodies. Fabulous stuff those antibodies.

Your baby's risk of catching a cold sore is incredibly slim.
If your baby does develop a cold sore, it is dangerous if it's left untreated, but it wouldn't be left untreated because you are a super cautious, loving mum on high-alert. So why worry about what has not happened and will probably not happen?

Enjoy your baby. Accept that your baby does have to face the big, wild, germ-filled world. Draw boundaries with this friend for your own comfort.

Another tid-bit of info (and this is why they actively deter c-sections unless the mum and baby absolutely need to depend on one): When we are born vaginally, that process of birth itself is a total immune booster because as we come through the canal, we are covered in flora/bacteria, the works. All of this gives us super immunity and it's a vital start to life.

Gertrudeisgerman Sun 23-Apr-17 07:41:13

Whilst babies do have super immunity as PP said, mothers also have super instincts. If this makes you uncomfortable there is a reason and you need to act on your instincts.

I have had three newborns and as their mother I don't think I ever felt a need to kiss them on the mouth area. Toddlers yes as they initiate it but newborns? No. It's odd, you feel uncomfortable and a friendship at this important life stage shouldn't ba making you feel this way. I'd limit contact, no doubt.

StealthPolarBear Sun 23-Apr-17 07:44:01

Op I completely agree with what you're saying but just to reassure yiu it's very unlikely she's passed on a cold sore to your lo

OnTheRise Sun 23-Apr-17 07:50:51

I would bark out, "STOP THAT!" next time she tried. Tell her to leave your baby alone. Go all mummy bear on her. She shouldn't be bothering your baby when he or she is trying to sleep or feed, or when the baby is turning its head away from her. That's just horrible. And kissing the baby on the lips? Nope. Don't worry about your friend's feelings. Worry about your baby.

She sounds really peculiar.

Elland Sun 23-Apr-17 07:59:01

Tell her you read an awful story about a baby getting ill from being kissed on the mouth so just to be safe rather than sorry you don't want anyone doing that anymore.

My family were getting a little too over the top with kissing my baby so we've had to do the same - I just said it straight but wasn't mean or arsey about it and most of them took it well!

Trustyourself2 Sun 23-Apr-17 08:10:42

Other than being direct and telling her not to kiss your baby because you're not comfortable with it, say to your DF, I hope you don't mind but no face kissing. Health visitor is warning parents that it is not good for babies to be kissed as this can lead to infections/herpes, which can be very dangerous to a child.

I'm not a parent, but never in a million years would I take such liberties with someone's child. I never even did so with my niece and nephews. You're the spokesperson for your LO so you are in charge.

Even though you're probably feeling a bit upset about it, don't fall out over it, as you'll probably regret it.

MrsBertBibby Sun 23-Apr-17 09:09:46

Health visitor is warning parents that it is not good for babies to be kissed as this can lead to infections/herpes, which can be very dangerous to a child.

That's hilarious!

MusicIsMedicine Sun 23-Apr-17 23:56:21

Fuck all these excuses and polite pussy footing around. Tell her straight - I am not comfortable with you doing that and neither is my child, please stop it immediately.

Nothing at all wrong with being precious about your newborn. Your baby, your rules. Any decent friend will respect your boundaries and if they don't, they are not your friend. Baby needs to be protected and that's your job. Simple.

Embolio Mon 24-Apr-17 00:03:04

Yep, don't beat around the bush - you don't need to justify yourself. Tell her she's being ott and you aren't comfortable with her kissing your baby. It sounds a bit strange to me - if she's funny about it/gets offended maybe back off from her a bit. Stop inviting her round.

Isetan Mon 24-Apr-17 02:25:25

Why is distancing yourself from your friend a preference over telling her to stop kissing your child? You're a parent now and being assertive to protect your child's boundaries as well as your own, is an important skill to acquire, so get practicing.

ScarlettFreestone Mon 24-Apr-17 02:32:10

"Please stop kissing DD on the lips. I don't like it"

And take the child back into your arms.

If she does it again after that she doesn't get to hold the baby.

WingsofNylon Mon 24-Apr-17 19:08:47

Just tell her. She might not even be aware of white how much she is doing it! Just say. It will be awkward for a few minutes that is all.

Huskylover1 Mon 24-Apr-17 19:57:20

Would it be unreasonable to create a lot of distance with this person now?

If you really feel that way, then yes, bin the whole friendship, as it doesn't sounds like she is remotely important to you.

Shame really, because it sounds like she adores you and your baby.

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