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I'm 42 with kids, boyfriend is 34, what if he wants kids??

(138 Posts)
Frothyfreddie Sat 22-Apr-17 10:41:47


I've just met the most amazing man online. We have chatted for 3 weeks before finally arranging a date on Thursday night. As he walked into the bar I was dumbstruck at his beauty, he is 6'4, dark hair, incredibly handsome and his accent nearly made me faint.

As we sat and chatted, I could tell he felt the same way, we couldn't keep our eyes off each other and as he leaned in for a fist kiss I almost melted, it was perfect.

We ended the night with talk of how much chemistry we have and how into each other we are.

He messaged the next day and said he would find it very easy to fall in love with me.

I would love nothing more. My only issue is that although our age gap is not huge i can't help but think that he will want kids and as I'm 42 and have 2 kids I feel like I'm done.

Is this a conversation I should be having early in in the relationship with him so as not to waste his time or do I just let us both fall in love with each and cross that bridge when it comes?

I really have fallen for him, I can tell he feels the same

soupmaker Sat 22-Apr-17 10:45:53

PMSL. You've been on one date, don't think you need to be having the do you want kids chat just yet.

Trills Sat 22-Apr-17 10:53:07

That's not a boyfriend. That's a man you've been on one date with.

Did you tell him your age honestly? If you did, then he will be assuming that you won't be having any more children. He might even have chosen you over women his own age on that assumption.

Fauchelevent Sat 22-Apr-17 10:54:29

He's not your boyfriend, he's someone you're seeing.

whomovedmychocolate Sat 22-Apr-17 10:55:52

Sounds like you had fun and that's lovely and I'm not going to beat you down for getting overwhelmed with the excitement because that's just mean. But agree with others, don't meet trouble half way. There is currently nothing to worry about. IF you end up in a long term relationship he becomes a stepdad. Having your own genetic children doesn't matter to a lot of people and if it does to him, well tough tamales. He has a decision to make which is his. If he's so super you know he'll side with you. If he's not, meh.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 22-Apr-17 10:56:59

For reassurance I met my dh at 42(him 31)
I had dc already.
We have a toddler together now. .
Please get beyond the second date before ttc though won't you?

LesisMiserable Sat 22-Apr-17 10:57:00

I bet you watched Dawsons Creek back in the day. You're 42 woman!!

Frothyfreddie Sat 22-Apr-17 10:57:05

He's already indicated he wants us to be exclusive, he'd like to be a couple. I would call that a boyfriend 😁. We just got there quicker than most people

LesisMiserable Sat 22-Apr-17 10:58:15

Wow that almost never happens....!

Gertrudeisgerman Sat 22-Apr-17 11:02:25

Wow. I have been seeing someone with the same age gap (and I've got DC's, he hasn't) on and off for 2 and a half years and we have never had a conversation about children. You are a fast mover? I'm having heart palpitations reading your post.

TheNaze73 Sat 22-Apr-17 11:15:33

After one date?? Really?
Think no further ahead then your next date.

whomovedmychocolate Sat 22-Apr-17 11:15:45

Please be cautious OP. If a man much younger than you is absolutely perfect, I'd be very cautious. There are lots of people actively hunting marks on PoF et al. They ALL come across as perfect and want to instantly declare love.

Not to shit in your sandwich he may be lovely but read back your posts as if your best friend said them.

RockyBird Sat 22-Apr-17 11:19:01

I hope he's all he seems to be. He sounds great. Too good to be true even.

Look after yourself.

JigglyTuff Sat 22-Apr-17 11:20:22

Life isn't a Mills & Boon novel.

peaceout Sat 22-Apr-17 11:21:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Trills Sat 22-Apr-17 11:22:11

Weirdly I've just posted this exact thing on a different thread:

I would not trust someone who wanted to be exclusive after two dates (and this is even less!)

They don't know me well enough for this to be a sensible move for them.

So either they are not sensible, or they are playing a game of some kind.

Stillwishihadabs Sat 22-Apr-17 11:25:24

Tbh someone who was that " into me" after 1 date would have me running for the hills. Thats not normal surely ?

RortyCrankle Sat 22-Apr-17 11:26:11

If you got there quicker then perhaps you should ask him if he wants children on your second date? Interesting that all you have written about are his physical attributes, what of his personality? I suppose it's difficult to know after only one date.

LesisMiserable Sat 22-Apr-17 11:27:22

Got there early? This is classic dating story #1 . Call it the dating script if you will.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sat 22-Apr-17 11:27:51

Be very careful of too much too soon. It could be the start of something fantastic, but on the other hand (as I've read on here time and time again) it could be a massive red flag. You do not know this man so look after yourself.

RE the children issue, I tend to ask early on what a date's life goals are. Not in a heavy way, as in whether I feature in it, but to find out if we're potentially incompatible. It's an opportunity to find out whether they want kids or not, how ambitious they are etc, and whether their goals align with mine. No point dating someone who is on a completely different path.

Ellisandra Sat 22-Apr-17 11:41:45

Nothing wrong with setting out life goals early.
I think before my fiancé and I even met (OLD) we'd established that he'd had the snip and I was done with having kids too.

We didn't have to "get there faster than most" hmm to have that conversation.

In my experience, the order of frequency of first dates is:
- meh, just not for me
- oh god he's awful how soon can I leave
- OMG he's my soulmate!!!
- I'm not sure, let's see how it goes

I.e. It's really not unusual to get carried away with excitement, hormones, hope, limerence on a first date. It's just how many of us are wired.

ScarlettDarling Sat 22-Apr-17 11:46:10

Hmmm....does sound a bit too full on. As a 42 year old mother of 2 myself, if a 6'4" , 34 year old vision of loveliness was wanting to be my 'boyfriend ' after one date, I'd be really wary. Why so intense so quick?

MagnumPieEye Sat 22-Apr-17 11:58:46

Why is it unusual to want to be exclusive after two dates?

LesisMiserable Sat 22-Apr-17 12:01:14

Its not unusual. Its pretty much how these things always go right before they go wonky temporarily/for good. Because its a mental idea. Promising yourself exclusively to a stranger you just met? Eh?!

Sample1936 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:08:14

You're thinking way too far ahead
And he sounds fishy..nobody is perfect.

With the age gap and meeting online and the fact he is very good looking indicate to me that he is a player looking to tick off older off his sex bucket list.

If its good to be true it probably is.

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