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Mutual crush, both married with kids

(24 Posts)
Tryingsimpleout Sat 22-Apr-17 05:36:54

Please I do not need criticism. I need advice. We are both married, currently I have a month old, the other person has 2 kids. I have been in a rocky marriage for a while now, been married for 5 years. they have been with there partner for 10. Recently we had seen each other in passing, then started talking when we had time. Now it seems we cannot get enough of each other. We both agree it is wrong, and have not acted upon any feelings, have not even talked dirty to each other. Just very flirty. Neither of us can get each other out of our heads. when one is gone from work we are sad, we actually miss each other. I am not sure what to do from here, is it just because my relationship is rocky? btw I would not change my child for the world, they mean everything to me. We have so much in common. if possible we could just talk to each other all night! Help me I am lost.

Helloandgoodnight Sat 22-Apr-17 05:49:12

Your baby is four weeks old and you are in work?

Whatever the situation in your marriage, the only advice is cool it with this guy until you have ended your current relationship.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 22-Apr-17 05:52:31

Did you miss out the number of months?

iMatter Sat 22-Apr-17 06:07:46

Fair play to you. When my DC were a month old I was a leaking hormonal heap of blubberyness and couldn't think beyond the next feed and my bed for sleep.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You know it's not a good idea. You are probably all over the place.

Concentrate on your baby and see how things settle down.

If you're the dad then man up and don't be so pathetic. Concentrate on your wife and baby.

newdaylight Sat 22-Apr-17 06:08:13

@previous replies: Statutory paternity leave it just 2 weeks

Wells206 Sat 22-Apr-17 06:28:32

You have a teeny baby and so your world has turned upside down. A crush sounds like a symptom of 'Oh my GOD!! What has happened to my life??!!!' and is possibly a way of you projecting back to when you were 'free'.

In other words- your responsibility right now is to concentrate on your baby, your partner and your family unit. Nothing else is really real right now and nor does anything else matter. You certainly should not be putting a nuclear bomb into the middle of your life.

LostSight Sat 22-Apr-17 06:35:08

I think you need to set aside your feelings for the new person for now. This is a wake-up call about the state of your marriage. As you have a very young child, you need to take their needs into consideration.

Without more info about your 'rocky marriage' (why did you choose to have a child, or did the problems rear their heads with the pregnancy?) it is not possible to advise what should happen next. If you are being abused, then separation may be in order. But rushing headlong into a new relationship would be deeply irresponsible.

Sort out your current relationship situation first, would be my advice. Stability for your child, whether you stay or leave should be your priority, not this newly emerging limerance.

MidnightHag Sat 22-Apr-17 06:58:17

Are you a mum or a dad, Trying?

Whathappensnowthen Sat 22-Apr-17 09:19:55

I have been in a similar situation. We took things further. It hasn't ended well (for me anyway). Take a step back while you still can. No good​ will come of it if you don't.

theredjellybean Sat 22-Apr-17 09:24:39

stop now.
It did eventually turn out ok for me but it was the most painful experience ( 5 yrs of hell) and i will never get that time back , I cannot even begin to tell you what a storm you are heading into.
Go cold turkey is the only way, one step further and you will be in so deep so quickly and you just do not realise until it is too late,

AuntieStella Sat 22-Apr-17 09:24:47

Crushes fade.

They fade fastest if they are not fed.

So do not talk to this person, other than when strictly necessary at work (and arrange things so that professional exchanges are in the presence of another person or by email).

Also, request a transfer, seek a promotion - further your career away from that person (who is actually the greatest hazard possible to both your professional and personal life).

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Sat 22-Apr-17 09:28:46

You're already having an emotional affair if you're discussing feelings and missing each other.

Your marriage is rocky, yet you have a month old baby?

It's only going to get worse if you're focussing on your 'crush' instead of your wife and child.

RottenTomatoes959 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:35:24

Is this for reall? Your partner is at home looking after your child after giving birth a MONTH ago and you're having an EA with someone from work. Vile. Your partner and child deserve so much better.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:40:57

Stop all contact. Focus on your child.

The best advice you will get

Sample1936 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:40:59

I think you should leave your relation and have a go with this person because you only have one life and clearly you're unhappy with your current partner as otherwise you wouldnt be feeling this.

Whether things work out or not with the other person you know your relation isnt doing well anyway and you're best to end it because your partner deserves someone who will love them and you deserve to live your life.

Staying in the relation - unless you do some serious counselling work, which may or not rescue the relation - i fear will only make you feel resentful and unhappy and kids really notice that and would rather be with separate but happy parents than unhappy parents staying for the sake of it.

Sample1936 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:44:07

Also op there is never a good time to end this.
It will always be hard. If you end things in a civil and respectful way before actually cheating you can arrange to see the kids and support each other in parenting but nothing more.
It won't be easy but that's the nature of separation when you have children.

CheekyLoki Sat 22-Apr-17 09:53:47

I smell bullshit here. I wouldn't have the time and energy to leave the house, let alone swoon over men other than my husband, with a newborn depending on me.

And she disappeared quite quickly.

theaveragewife Sat 22-Apr-17 09:54:59

Pull yourself together.

Huskylover1 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:04:26

Yeh, I was thrown by the month old baby....then it sunk in, that the poster is male.

So, basically, his wife gave birth 4 weeks ago, and he's chasing skirt at work and texting another woman all night (see final line of Op)

What a fucking prince among men.

RottenTomatoes959 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:05:00

It's the dad Cheekyloki

Sample1936 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:08:11

Tryingsimpleout when did the interest with this other person begin?

punkpuffin Sat 22-Apr-17 10:36:55

Are you putting any effort into your relationship with your partner?
The poor woman gave birth to your child 4 weeks ago and you're having an emotional affair with someone at work. You obviously have no respect for your partner

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 22-Apr-17 10:45:17

Well aren't you a fucking prize? hmm
She grew an actual person & gave birth just 4 weeks ago, you don't want criticism? Tough fucking shit fuckwit, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being.
I think you should leave your partner, for her sake as she deserves far, far better than you.

KateDaniels2 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:58:25

You are not lost you are a dick.

On the upside this happened at our work. Men had a really young baby. Everyone including the OW realised only a total shitbag would do this, especially within weeks of having a baby.

OW broke it off, everyone lost respect for the bloke. Wife realised what a dick he was and left him as well.

Hope it all works out like that for you. Your ow must have really low self-esteem to think you are great.

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