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Need some practical advice on getting baby things back from dp's house.

(9 Posts)
Notdoingthebestjobofthis Fri 21-Apr-17 18:05:48

Dp is emotionally abusive, I know this, and have known this for a while. We do not live together, and I have been slowly distancing myself from him. I am due to have a baby in a few weeks, and had a scan a few days ago. The pregnancy has been awful, mainly because of him, and I found out that the baby isn't growing well, alongside other complications. I am not allowed to talk to him about anything as he just gets angry because I stress him too much (despite never seeing him or really communicating with him at his insistence). I have just had enough. I never want to speak to him again. I am exhausted and sick of him making me feel like the world's biggest loser.

The latest thing is that it is my fault that the baby is small. Apparently I cannot cook and have caused the baby to stop growing. This is baloney; I cook all of our meals from scratch. I have a dd from a previous relationship, and she is a vegetarian, so I make sure that we have a balanced diet and both get 7-8 portions of fruit and veg a day. He has told me on numerous occasions that I am not allowed to eat chocolate, biscuits, crisps or other such foods, and because I have eaten such "junk" food this has added to the complications. This is the same man who was insisting on an abortion up until week 16 of the pregnancy because I was a selfish * for getting pregnant (it was an unexpected pregnancy). He has ended the relationship so many times that I have lost count. I recently accepted a new job and will be going back to work when the baby is six weeks old as I need to support two children on my own. He is looking for work and is angry that I have a job, because I am not thinking about the family. It is my fault that he hasn't got a job because apparently he has to spend all his time feeding me because I cannot cook (I see him two nights a week, and he makes oven food with chips, it is hardly gourmet).

All the baby equipment, clothing etc is at his house, as we were meant to move in months ago, then he kept putting it back and back. Now we are (supposedly) moving in together when the baby is 6 months old, so I'm effectively a single mum anyway. I've made the decision that we are not moving, we are staying where we are, and I will be a single mum on less stressful terms.

My biggest worry is how to get all the baby stuff back. I have bought it all, but cannot afford to buy it again, and only have a few weeks before I need it. Sorry this has been a bit of a rant, all I really need is practical help on getting the stuff back, but I'm just exhausted and needed to vent.

Chloe84 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:54:32

He sounds awful. I think you're right to end things. I'm guessing you don't have a key to his house? Does he ever leave you alone there? Do you have a car?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 21-Apr-17 18:55:15

Does he have a regular time away from the house?
Pub?
Job centre?
Enlist a friend or relative to go around with you while he is out if you dont think he will let you get it.
Have you got receipts? Maybe ask the local police number if they can supervise you collecting things if he is liable to be violent.

WildBelle Fri 21-Apr-17 18:57:44

That sounds really shit. Have you got a large male friend of relative who could go with you to get it?

Have you actually asked him if you can go and get the stuff? If not, ask him by text|email and if he kicks off you have proof that he is being an idiot about it, and maybe the police would help you out if you don't have anyone else to go with you, it's theft of your property if he won't let you have it.

ElspethFlashman Fri 21-Apr-17 18:58:32

You need:
Access
Vehicle
Time Alone in the house

How are you fixed for those?

FurryElephant Fri 21-Apr-17 19:01:33

If you aren't going to be moving in together until baby's 6 months he must know you'll need all the baby things at your house before then anyway? Assuming he doesn't believe the baby will be living at his house without youhmmit does sound like a really horrible situation but I'm sure you're doing the right thing by the sounds of it!

Gallavich Fri 21-Apr-17 19:33:27

Can you act all sweet and pretend like you just want to stay with your mum so she can help you for a bit after the baby is born, and get your stuff that way?
Or steal a copy of the key next time you are there?
Scope out the house for insecure entrances and leave a window unlocked?

ChicRock Fri 21-Apr-17 19:37:47

Why don't you try asking him?

Given that he thinks you're only moving in when the baby is 6 months old, surely he knows you'll need the stuff before then.

FlaviaAlbia Fri 21-Apr-17 20:12:32

I'm pretty sure this is something you can ask your local police for help with if you felt up to it. Agree with PP, you can go to them and ask for an escort to collect your things because you're pregnant and leaving an abusive relationship...

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