Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sat here secretly seething!

(29 Posts)
Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:08:15

Me and the other half have a 15 month old son, he is super active, easily bored and I spend the whole of my days off out and about with him, parks, play gyms, playing outside in the garden, interacting with him, DP comes home from work and sticks the tv on and just expects the little lad to sit and watch tv with him! It pisses me off! He finishes at 4pm on a Friday so he has an extra hour to spend quality time with his son, turn the fucking tv off and do some proper playing. I've just made us a brew and sat down and I want to throw his coffee over him. Just needed a rant I think. Yes I have already said it's not acceptable for him to come home from work, stick the tv on and ignore us all, he's now sheepishly on the floor playing with the little un, but I shouldn't have to encourage this. I work 3 full days and still do all the shit I have to do on my working days 🙄

DrMorbius Fri 21-Apr-17 17:21:07

I thought when DP came home you are supposed to
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes

You seem to be missing a few pointsblushsmile

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:31:18

😂

Luttrell Fri 21-Apr-17 17:38:34

OK, first up. It never once occurred to me to occupy my children's every waking moment with parks, playgrounds, interaction and whatever. It doesn't matter if a kid is 'easily bored' - and any child would learn to be 'bored' if they were given constant entertainment on tap. Kids being bored is a good thing. It means they get their toys out, they play creatively, they use their imagination. They draw something. Try to resist the initial 5 minutes of whinging. He needs to be bored. He needs to learn to entertain himself and, more importantly, you have things you need to do for yourself. You can't spend all day catering to his whims. I had a tidy house when I had toddlers because it made me much happier to clean than endlessly play. And they play well independently. Win win.

Right. Next, many adults are frankly not natural players. I'm not. I really struggle, even though I'm nearly a decade into this parenting thing, to find any fun at all in children's activities. I do not craft. I do not get excited by pony rides or clowns or balloons. I cannot sit on a floor and do imaginary play for hours. And there is nothing wrong with this. The children play and they are happy. I interact a little but, mostly, the game is for them to learn and enjoy, not me.

Your DH has plenty of other ways to show his affection for his son that don't involve crawling on the floor making noises with cars. He might prefer an adult conversation - and so might you!

OK, yes, he shouldn't 'ignore you all'. If he wants to watch a specific show then fine (actually, no, watch it later when the kid's in bed), but I am not one who likes TV on as 'background noise' or just put on for the sake of it. He can come home aaaaand find something useful to do, like help with meal prep, he can come home and hang/fold laundry while the child watches and 'helps' (talking while doing chores is as educational as any game), he can simply ask you if there's anything you'd like him to do.

I won't go as far as to say he MUST get down and do floor play, because honestly, it's hard, it's dull, it's not fun and if someone tried to make me do it after a day's work I'd throw something at them. Kids play with toys and I'm done pretending I do too.

But yes, there's other things he can do that are not vegging out in front of trashy afternoon non-TV. Honestly, just reconnecting with you might be a better use of the time than toys.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:53:19

I totally get your point, im not saying I spend all my time tending to his every whim. He is an independent, happy little boy and is currently happy playing with his toys on his own, which he frequently does. I'm not forcing DP to do anything, as I never would but he moans about wanting to spend quality time with the lad so when you get the opportunity, embrace it, that's all I'm saying. If he was sat watching tv with him and they were enjoying it together, fair dos! It's only a moan, not deep rooted issues.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:55:15

Im also not saying everyone should interact with they're kids with activities like the park etc, but I'm outdoorsy and this is how he has been brought up so far, so this is what we are all used to.

Imi22sleeping Fri 21-Apr-17 17:56:07

The guys worked all week and hes not allowed to sit down?? Parenting isnt about playing cars i am a sahm and i struggle with hairdressers and wchoola and ballets and shows we play all eek my husband hates that but he cooks with her takes her cycling plays broad games we all different.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:08:48

Ok ok, should have known better to have a moan on here ha ha, I'll remember to just txt my mate next time! It's a light hearted moan! I work too, but I still do the nursery drop offs and pick ups, make tea and more often than not bathe and put the little one to bed on these days. You've never felt a little tired and pissed off before?

DevelopingDetritus Fri 21-Apr-17 18:10:15

I think you need to calm down a bit, you're going to burn out being that busy.
It's nice just to all relax together, even if the TV's on you can still chat and play if that happens naturally, I don't think there's a need to force or dictate.

Smeaton Fri 21-Apr-17 18:17:06

15 months old?

Get busy beavers on YouTube, that'll soon entertain and educate so you can moan about OH on MN do laundry.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:17:41

👍🏻

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:21:48

I didn't mean to offend anyone as it seems I have.

picklemepopcorn Fri 21-Apr-17 18:27:56

Tilly, I'm with you! At fifteen months, they need a little bit of interaction. It doesn't need a lot of energy to smile, make eye contact, and pass the toys over. It's a lot harder to do it all day every day than for an hour on a Friday night!

Before too long he'll be glued to his own screen and have no interest in spending time with his parents at all. Enjoy this opportunity to build a relationship while it lasts!

Boooooom Fri 21-Apr-17 18:34:23

Sell the TV...?

picklemepopcorn Fri 21-Apr-17 18:39:56

My DH would sit on the floor with the toy box and DCs, with a documentary of some sort running in the background. Often really boring train travelogues... It's doesn't take a lot to keep everyone happy.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:47:59

Pickleme that's all I'm saying. Little one will be in bed shortly and we can both do whatever we want.....gogglebox and prosecco 😀

witsender Fri 21-Apr-17 19:17:42

I don't think you have offended anyone, some just disagree. I think the thing to remember is that you are equal parents, so neither of you gets to dictate how the other interacts with your child. You might not agree.

tallwivglasses Fri 21-Apr-17 19:18:53

Tilly, ignore the 50's housewives on here! I hope you get the chance to have a proper chat about this later flowers <-- here's some lovely flowers for you to arrange in the meantime wink

tallwivglasses Fri 21-Apr-17 19:20:20

^^ meanwhile there's some flowers for you to arrange wink

DevelopingDetritus Fri 21-Apr-17 19:20:45

50's housewives confused

temporarilyjerry Fri 21-Apr-17 19:33:29

Tbh when I come home from work, I don't want to talk to anyone for a while. I interact with people all day in my job and need to unwind. DH, on the other hand, works alone most of the time and needs to bore tell me all about his day.

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 19:34:55

I never dictated anything to him, and I never do. My words to him were 'it's not fair for you to come home, stick the tv on and ignore us all' I didn't demand he did anything. I understand everyone has they're opions and the right to disagree. I just needed a rant, I'm over it now! I was just feeling narky

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Fri 21-Apr-17 20:18:12

I've just made us a brew and sat down and I want to throw his coffee over him

Bit of an extreme reaction shock

Dadaist Fri 21-Apr-17 20:36:18

Well just.,,
Firstly- Not everyone takes to being a parent naturally- and even the best of us can need support encouragement every now and then.
Secondly- I would emphasise support and encouragement to change parenting behaviour- rather than telling a parent they are being a bad parent and doing it wrong - it's a negative and counter productive on fathers as well as mothers.
Finally - Secret seething could harm your relationship, maybe try to communicate openly or resentment might fester.
And just that really

Tillydog2003 Fri 21-Apr-17 20:51:03

The throw his coffee over him was tongue in cheek.
I've obviously suggested that I think my DP is a shit dad and that I think he needs dictating to about how to parent! Not the case at all, quite the opposite. I am a FTM and I have no idea how to parent, I wing it.
Me and DP have a great relationship and we are a tight family unit, maybe I thought instead of 'nagging' him when he's been at work all day I'd have a bit of a lighthearted moan. Now who feels like a bitch! Ha ha

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now