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how would you feel knowing your partner will never be your spouse?

(166 Posts)
AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 15:54:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happypoobum Fri 21-Apr-17 16:08:59

I would not consider having a child with a man I am not married to.

These boards are littered with stories from women who have done exactly that and find themselves in dire straits.

He doesn't sound great to be honest - all this guff - his ex wife did't and never had contributed to the mortgage or bills doesn't sound terribly credible to me.

AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 16:13:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 16:16:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrameyMcFrame Fri 21-Apr-17 16:22:37

It's not a problem. I have a family with my DP and I have no plans to marry him. We have a mortgage together.
I don't want to be married and I see no problems with it. I have my own job and finances and the mortgage is jointly shared.

ElinoristhenewEnid Fri 21-Apr-17 16:44:29

op 2 things would you dh you are separated from be entitled to your assets if you die without making a will? That leaves your current dp in a bad situation

you are not in a position to marry dp anyway even if you do fall pregnant.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone Fri 21-Apr-17 16:49:04

I'm the one who won't consider marriage in our house. Dp asked me once early on and I said no and told him why, 15 years and two kids later I haven't changed my stance.

We rent and have very little money but we do have wills in case anything happens to one of us.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone Fri 21-Apr-17 16:51:33

Sorry i cut off my end bit

We are both happy with our status quo. If your not then it might be time to reassess how things stand

malibuthru Fri 21-Apr-17 16:51:56

Ignoring the actually topic of this thread.. I was made bankrupt in the past and now have a mortgage. Just because you have an IVA now, doesn't mean you'll never be able to get one.

0live Fri 21-Apr-17 17:02:44

So you are paying towards his house that you have no right to live in ?

And TTC a baby that will legally be your husbands and not your partners ?

And you want to marry one man ( who doesn't want to) while you are still married to another ?

And you are planning to take maternity leave ( I assume ) and affect your career and pension while the baby's father has no financial responsibility to you or baby ?

Olivialoves Fri 21-Apr-17 17:05:10

Why would the baby legally be her husbands?!

Weasel113 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:08:12

Being a man who was asset stripped at the time my divorce I fully understand his take on things. My ex hardly contributed anything either but had a claim over half my pension etc 65% of equity of my house.

I remarried happily. I have friends, who having been divorced will not marry again under any doesn't make them bad people. Their view is that having been stripped first time why on earth would they volunteer to have the possibility of this happening to them again. This is despite in some cases starting new families.

chickenjalfrezi Fri 21-Apr-17 17:13:40

Olivialoves if you are married when you give birth then your husband automatically has parental rights even if he's not the father. In theory, OP's XH can attend a registry office and register the baby with himself as the father without her present if he has the marriage certificate.

motherinferior Fri 21-Apr-17 17:35:07

Mr Inferior seems happy enough with it.

Bluebell28 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:48:37

I can see why he doesn't want to get married again, especially if he was hit financially from his divorce. It's a personal choice whether to get married before having a child, it has legal implications if the relationship breaks down.

AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:00:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hermonie2016 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:01:50

I would not try for a baby as you will be vulnerable.Just imagine if you couldn't work for health reasons.

Weasel, I'm assuming you had no children as you imply the house was yours not joint.I put more money into the house than my stbxh but as we have children it's their needs that dominate not ours.I will lose money but that's the risk of having a family.

RainbowsAndUnicorn Fri 21-Apr-17 18:24:40

Trying to conceive whist married to someone else legally is madness.

Upto you if you have a child after without being married, not something i would do and especially as there is no home security as he can kick you out whenever the urge takes.

rosy71 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:44:34

dp & I have been together over 20 years & are not married. We have 2 children. If you're not going to marry, I think you need to keep everything very equal ie both work, both own the house etc. You need to know you'll be OK whatever happens.

Your situation is complicated because you're married to someone else. I'd definitely be getting divorced before anything else if I were you.

Mysterycat23 Fri 21-Apr-17 18:48:30

Get a divorce.

Then come back and ask again.


Itshello Fri 21-Apr-17 19:17:37

Agree with olive's post.

WinnieTheW0rm Fri 21-Apr-17 19:24:23

I don't think it's remotely surprising that your DP won't contemplate marriage whilst you remain married to someone else.

If you no longer want to be married to your ex, then get the divorce underway. There's really no reason not to.

AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 19:26:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AprilSkies44 Fri 21-Apr-17 19:30:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlacindaTheTroll Fri 21-Apr-17 19:34:44

Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?

No way he can marry someone who is married....

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