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Sex with the ex?

(18 Posts)
dilemmagirl Fri 21-Apr-17 11:57:47

As the title says really. Been separated since last September. I still have feelings for him. I think he feels the same? Neither of us are with anyone.
So would sex with him confuse us both? There's a lot of sexual tension between us. We both want to. But I just don't know if it's right! Help!

livefornaps Fri 21-Apr-17 12:03:46

It will confuse you, for sure.

But then again, life is short.

Would it be a good shag?

Be wary if you have kids though

dilemmagirl Fri 21-Apr-17 12:05:54

We definitely sync when it comes to sex. Always did. And I really want to. But my feelings for him hold me back. But I really really want to! 😩

WhiskeySourpuss Fri 21-Apr-17 12:07:59

Always a bad idea when feelings are involved... you say you think he feels the same but he may not & where would that leave you?

HostaFireAndIce Fri 21-Apr-17 12:10:12

I think you need to unpick this whole thing a bit more, OP. Why did you split up? Is there a chance you could get back together? Have you talked to him about it? I think you need to start there before you sleep with him again, otherwise you will just end up horribly confused.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 21-Apr-17 12:10:18

Maybe depending on why you split. .
Would giving him sex be him having the good bit of a relationship without the effort of maintaining one?
Every minute with him is one less your mind is open to a new relationship with a better man imo.

dilemmagirl Fri 21-Apr-17 12:23:37

We'd just got in a rut. Arguing loads and such. Neither of us knew what we wanted. We've never ruled out getting back together & always said we'd just see what happened. But I only really know how I feel don't I? There's no way of me truly knowing how he feels!

livefornaps Fri 21-Apr-17 12:24:14

Do you see him around a lot? He could just be dangling the possibility in front of you, and once you've done it, he'll just hop off and get on with his life. Be really careful. Even when you think you're going into situations like that with your eyes open, like "yeah, this is cool. We'll just enjoy ourselves and draw a line under it" and even when the day after you think you're cool with it, it can still go tits up a few weeks down the line when unknowingly you were expecting more to happen
It's so annoying

SparklyMagpie Fri 21-Apr-17 12:37:32

Ooh tricky territory OP
Could you sit down and talk with him?
I've been in this situation. You could come out deeply hurt
Maybe a conversation about how you both feel or where you both stand would be better before jumping into bed?

dilemmagirl Fri 21-Apr-17 13:17:36

Thing is, I don't know how I feel either. I know I have feelings for him. But I'm also happy being independent of him too. But.... I want to! Haha! People always say sex with an ex is a bad idea don't they? Oh!

Biddylee Fri 21-Apr-17 13:24:37

Probably a bad idea... one of you will probably feel more strongly about it than the other.

LiarLawyer Fri 21-Apr-17 13:28:57

Why did you separate if you are both single now, have feelings for each other and are still sexually attracted to one another?

SparklingRaspberry Fri 21-Apr-17 13:42:27

My advice would be either get back together or don't have anything such as sex etc

Of course it'll make things ten times worse.

You're just asking for trouble

TheNaze73 Fri 21-Apr-17 13:46:43

I think if it's just sex, then go for it. You however, sound a bit too attached still & if it's going to mess with your head, then don't. A lot of people love & want NSA sex & have feelings at all other than lust.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 21-Apr-17 13:48:27

No, do not go there with your ex. Ex's are ex's often for good reasons.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy Fri 21-Apr-17 13:52:23

It's a horrible idea, sorry.

If you just want a shag, better to have it with someone you don't have a circus' worth of baggage about. Shagging him when you still have feelings for him means crying a lot and having your heart shat on, plus drawing out the end of your relationship and not being able to move on.

Either get back together with him properly or steer clear. And don't get back together with him unless something is truly different, e.g. one of you has sought therapy for the issues that came between you or whatever. Reunion tours usually fail, because all that's happened is that people romanticise the past once they're no longer putting up with the problems.

dilemmagirl Fri 21-Apr-17 14:19:10

I think a conversation may be in order then. Clarify what's happening

Jonsnowsghost Fri 21-Apr-17 14:22:21

I did this...for 3 years after splitting up. Don't do it!! I ended up heartbroken all over again. Plus used and with little self confidence or esteem. I was still in love with him and he wasn't but it was easy as we were both single, I thought he'd change his mind but this obviously didn't happen!
Now trying to get in a good place and feel better about myself but it is very tough.
Better just to not go there!

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