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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Partner going away for weekend leaving me with all the kids.

131 replies

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:25

No it's not a crime going away with the lads for a 50th party of course not, I'm just feeling apprehensive as his 2 are 11 and 13 and difficult mine are 11 and 14 and can also be difficult. There was a lot of trouble with his dcs about a year ago, they told their mum they didn't like me, I didn't do their washing on time or cook the right things etc etc. Their mum tried to cause trouble and nearly split us up, so I'm feeling a little vulnerable not sure if that's the wrong word! The thing is though, it's his lack of empathy he says it's a piece of piss looking after 4 kids, I don't feel it is. If anything comes up on a weekend I have the dcs I don't go I may go on a night out but not a whole weekend. He on the other hand says he has to go and that's that. I'm not being selfish I'm not stopping him go but I feel really down about it. I'm wishing the weekend over with 😔

OP posts:

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ijustwannadance · 20/04/2017 20:30

Why are you having his kids for the weekend if he isn't there? Why can't they just stay at their mum's?

Happybunny19 · 20/04/2017 20:30

Why are you expected to look after his kids when they're meant to be spending time with him?

I don't blame you feeling like you do if they've previously complained about you. Without meaning to cause you any offence at all, they're probably not that comfortable with you. That's not necessarily anything to do with anything you've done, but I know I felt a little uncomfortable with my step mum when my father thought she should naturally look after me during visits to him.

I think he needs to rearrange their access during his weekend away rather than assume you're available to provide free childcare while he's away on a jolly.

How long have you been together? What's the set up with the split in childcare for his DCs and yours? Is he also happy to take your children on, on his own, while you do your own thing?

WateryTart · 20/04/2017 20:31

Refuse to have his kids. You'd be mad to have them, what's the matter with him? He stays and looks after them or they go elsewhere.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/04/2017 20:31

He won't mind watching all 4 to enable you a weekend away soon, then.

Therealslimshady1 · 20/04/2017 20:31

Oh these kind of men!!!!

Could he not have swapped weekends with his,ex, so she'd have them?

Or do they live with you all weekends?

Notonthestairs · 20/04/2017 20:33

You don't do their washing on time or cook what they like??? Sod that for a game of soldiers.
Why are they coming? Is it a contact weekend and if so why isn't you DH around for them?

If you really have to go through with the weekend plan the hell out of it i.e trampoline park 10-12, cinema from 1-3 etc etc, brook no arguments and tell everyone they can sulk their way through it but tough shit. And then treat them like toddlers and ignore any strops.

And reserve yourself a weekend away.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/04/2017 20:35

I think you're over thinking this. You'll be fine. The kids are old enough to entertain themselves. The weekend will fly by

SnugglyBedSocks · 20/04/2017 20:36

Makes one wonder what the reason him and his first wife split over.....

CookieLady · 20/04/2017 20:38

Why are you looking after his kids whilst he goes away? Refuse.

HelenaDove · 20/04/2017 20:40

And i bet if you try to discipline them you get told its none of your business right?

And yet when it comes to doing their washing and cooking for them,, then their welfare suddenly becomes your business.

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:40

There is a court order, the relationship between dp and the ex or me and her isn't good so it's not something we can just swap! I personally wouldn't want to go away the weekend I have my dcs, I did leave him now and again with all 4 when my dad was dieing as he lived 200 miles away but never more than a night and not without guilt, but no I wouldn't want to leave them for a weekend, maybe for a night out I would occasionally but even then I try not to. It's just the assumption I'll do it and I should do it. I'm dreading it. He'll just be getting absolutely pissed 😤

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 20/04/2017 20:41

Nothing like a martyr....

Violetcharlotte · 20/04/2017 20:41

I think its a special occasion and you're living together as a family, so you should suck it up I'm afraid. It will be hard work, but there may well be a time when you're invited for a weekend away which falls on a weekend he has the kids and I'm sure you'd expect him to take his turn?

AnyFucker · 20/04/2017 20:42

Is this a "lad's"only 50th jolly ?

Because that is more than a little pathetic

GolderAndWiser · 20/04/2017 20:43

Is there any possibility you and his xw have been pitted against each other a little?

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:43

I've planned lots for the weekend to try and make it fun, but quitelikely5 they can entertain themselves for a short time but they can be very demanding and argumentative it's not that easy. I will cope though, just feeling a bit down that's all

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 20/04/2017 20:44

Yes a lads jolly at 50? He needs to grow the hell up.

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:45

I know HelenaDove I agree! 🙄

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 20/04/2017 20:46

You sound totally defeated OP, by everything.

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:46

And they don't just get a little bit drunk they get absolutely slaughtered

OP posts:

AdaColeman · 20/04/2017 20:47

Get on the phone and tell his Ex that you won't be looking after their children.
The court order shouldn't make you into a doormat.

GolderAndWiser · 20/04/2017 20:47

Whaat? 50 is too old for a weekend away with friends???? Really?
The issue is not where he'll be surely but that OP feels taken advantage.

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StrawberryJelly00 · 20/04/2017 20:49

I don't agree with people saying a "lads jolly" at 50 is pathetic, that's a bit mean because a ladies night at 50 is not pathetic. You can still have fun at 50 wth?!

Op sounds like you are stuck because of the court order I can understand why you feel on edge though with tension between the adults. I think you have done the right thing to plan things to entertain them maybe takeaway & dvds one night etc.
No doubt their mum will bitch about him not being present - ignore her just concentrate on the children

AnyFucker · 20/04/2017 20:51

Leaving your partner to look after 4 difficult kids to get slaughtered with your equally dickheaded mates is pathetic for sure.

Anybody who thinks that is ok is also a martyr. Doesn't anyone ever stick up for themselves on this site ?

Styleangel · 20/04/2017 20:54

Well she tends to dump them somewhere when it's her weekend to go out also so she can't really say too much, I seem to be the only one that doesn't! But that's because I was a single mum for quite sometime with no family around to help.

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