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Is there a polite way to say no to being a bridesmaid?

(2 Posts)
Gah81 Thu 20-Apr-17 17:34:54

Threads on here have made me think about bridesmaid-ing and turning down a request to become one. Lots of people in my friendship group (myself included!) have recently become engaged and I have a feeling I am going to be asked to be bridesmaid again.

I used to love being a bridesmaid - the first few times it happened, I had totally relaxed brides who didn't throw tantrums and if they were worried about someone/thing else didn't take it out on you.

But a fair few times (I have done it a lot - many sisters and good female friends) I was basically treated like a handmaiden, had to do a lot of kow-towing to some ginormous and increasing egos, had so much extra work on the day and before, got put in hideous dresses/make-up (tangerine puffy dress, tangerine eyeshadow) and saw completely unpleasant sides to hitherto close and valued friends. It has put me off being a bridesmaid (and it's put me off having any of my own). At one wedding I was to-ing and fro-ING, fetching and carrying so much I barely saw my DP. At all times I kept a smile on my face and did everything I could to make it the best possible day for my friend.

The last time I got asked to be bridesmaid, I made up an excuse about lots of business travel so couldn't commit to the time needed. Not sure it washed.

I am aware that it is a privilege to be asked, because it means they want you to be a part of their day. And I love my close friends dearly - have been there through thick and thin (which possibly is why they have asked me). I do want to celebrate with them and I love a good wedding!

Pfff, I must sound so mean-spirited sad I like to think I am a nice person. But I don't want to be in charge of constantly soothing an ego and having to put up with diva-ish behaviour for months or even years!

What can I say if I get asked again? Is there any polite way of saying no? Or should I just remind myself I am lucky to be asked and throw myself into it (like I have done in the past - put a smile on your face, remember how much you loved the person they used to be before wedding fever kicked in, how special a day the day is for them and hope that they are that person again afterwards)

Goldfishjane Thu 20-Apr-17 17:42:30

I have said no more than once and said I would be too stressed out with the whole shebang. The first time I refused, I made the mistake of saying I was mostly stressed by being put on "show" and my friend asked if I minded helping out with things like hen night and dress fittings anyway....I had to add in that with 2 jobs (at the time) I wouldn't be able to attend half the things she wanted me to be at anyway.

So I offered to help with photos and gifts and that sort of thing.

tbh if someone asks me again I'd probably say "no" as a complete sentence. I don't really agree it's an honour to be asked - it's a duty and quite hard work. I don't mind putting in time and hard work when a friend is ill but not just for a showy wedding.

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