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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Male opinions please

32 replies

jeesie · 20/04/2017 14:54

Any males been the 'other guy'
How did u feel when you found out the lady you liked and had been flirting with wasnt single.

Ive been told by her shes in an unhappy relationship and is only in it for the children. I like her but i dont want to be the reason her family breaks down. And i dont want to tenpt her into doing something she may regret as i care about her

Can these things ever work? Im not even sire how id feel lf she were to leave this guy to date me.. As i think id just fee pressure then..

:-(

OP posts:

Report

username22345 · 20/04/2017 15:05

Tell her to stay with her husband. It sounds like you are not really interested in her. You want her but if she leaves him you might not because it's too much pressure. Sounds like you are not sure about her so cut your losses now and don't keep her on a string.

Pannnn · 20/04/2017 16:06

yep - forget it. You sound pressured and compromised already and nothing has developed. When the brown stuff hits the air conditioning, then that's when pressure is on and you will wilt.

Walk away.

Ellisandra · 20/04/2017 16:19

Sadly I have a vagina and am ineligible to offer any support or advice.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/04/2017 16:59

Your not tempting her in to anything, she is doing whatever she is doing because she wants to.

Other than that, leave her, you don't sound that in to her.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 20/04/2017 17:16

Ellis because no woman on here has ever asked for a ladies opinion?

OP hasn't said no woman can comment.

Run away. And run far, don't get involved with a person who is in a relationship already.

Bob19701 · 20/04/2017 18:19

Why would you want to start something knowing she is in a relationship, ..'staying for the kids ' and ' unhappy relationship ' is all bollocks and you know it . If you care for her tell her to leave her relationship FIRST and take it from there ...

floraeasy · 20/04/2017 18:22

Regardless of genders involved, if someone is already in a relationship - let well alone! It can only bring misery and upset. Find someone who is free to love you. Why complicate life and get mixed up in something like this?

hellsbellsmelons · 20/04/2017 18:39

So would you be happy to take on her and her DC if she split with her DH?
She's using the cheaters script.
I'm not happy - blah blah blah
Get out.
Find someone single with no baggage and start to build your own life with a future you have made together.
Step kids are no fun when they realise you were the one who split up their family.
Which they will think!!!!
Run - far and fast.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wellyboots86 · 20/04/2017 18:40

Speaking as the husband that this is currently happening to I'd say you're better off out of it.

When a marriage breaks down through infidelity whether physical or just online there will be a lot of resentment in both sides.

There are kids involved in my scenario too and I'm stuck between staying for the kids and getting rid of her and getting as much access as I can.

These things must be so much easier when there aren't kids involved but I would say if there is a marriage there then step back so they can try and save it (encourage her to be honest with husband as well). If they can't ten you can have what's left - a newly single mum that is scared and unsure of what the future holds!

c3pu · 20/04/2017 18:41

Man here - find someone single.

This won't end well.

jeesie · 20/04/2017 19:42

I do actually really like this woman.
Her situation with her husband is complicated.. I kno i may be gullible but i dont think she is a cheat. Shes putting her kids first.. I dont think shes treating her husband wel of course but i understand her situation and dont think shes awful.
I just meant usually when i meet some one we date and things progress or dont. With this women we cant date until she makes a big decision to leave her husband. And that instantly makes me feel responsible for that choice and worried incase things dont work out between us. Im not sure im making sense

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 20/04/2017 19:42

I have. Married woman, met at a work networking event, didn't tell me obviously. 3rd date, I say date but, it was just sex. She confessed and I binned her off. Couldn't do that to another man.

UnconventionalWarfare · 20/04/2017 19:45

Walk away for your own good

HerOtherHalf · 20/04/2017 19:47

If you'd said you love her and were serious about a permanent life together, including her kids, then maybe. Liking her and wanting to date? Get a grip.

FelixtheMouse · 20/04/2017 20:06

Leave her alone. Worse case scenario, her husband finds out and comes after you with a baseball bat. I'm being serious. I know a guy that happened to.

yetmorecrap · 20/04/2017 20:28

Tell her you would like to see her, when she has left her husband.

JK1773 · 20/04/2017 20:30

Don't get involved whilst she's with her husband. You'll get hurt as will he. Give her a wide berth until she's available if she ever will be

jeesie · 20/04/2017 23:57

Shes just rang me and told me the fact shes let things get so far with me has made her realise she totally doesnt love her husband and needs to get out of it. She doesnt want to cheat.. But has feelings for me than she feels she cant just stop. Shes going to leave him!

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 21/04/2017 07:08

Oh crikey.
And now you'll be her exit affair.
In the main they never end well.
Take things very very slowly.
She will want to 'find herself' once she leaves.
Let's see though.
Many say they will leave.
But lots work through things when it comes to crunch time so don't hold your breath.

Changedname3456 · 21/04/2017 07:21

Exit affairs - not going to end well. She won't be emotionally settled for months, she's going to (rightly) need to focus on her upset kids and you're always going to be the guy that split her and Daddy up to them.

Why do you want to go anywhere near this? You won't be the knight in shining armour who rescues her from a shit marriage (assuming it even actually is that shit) you'll just be the perpetual OM which I reckon gives an eventual relationship about a 5-10% chance of lasting any meaningful time.

Wellyboots86 · 21/04/2017 09:16

Jeesie I've sent you a pm

BoobleMcB · 21/04/2017 09:19

If someone can cheat WITH you, she can cheat ON you. Take it from someone who found out the hard way...

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HorridHenryrule · 21/04/2017 09:31

It sounds like a good thing she is leaving her husband. She is doing the decent thing if she don't like him then leave.

Changedname3456 · 21/04/2017 10:09

If someone can cheat WITH you, she can cheat ON you. Take it from someone who found out the hard way...

Yep. The quote that "when one marries one's mistress, one creates a vacancy" is as true of certain women as it is of certain men.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/04/2017 11:04

Me too Booble
Never thought it would be the case but it's very true!

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