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9 weeks pregnant

(22 Posts)
firsttimemum97 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:47:34

I'm 19 and live with my 32 year old boyfriend. We met whilst working in a pub and soon became close. At first I never saw anything bad about him and was head over heels.
He makes me feel bad about things I shouldn't feel bad about at all. He complains if I spend money or want to buy food to eat at work when we have out of date food in the fridge. For some reason he doesn't understand that it's not the way I want to live.
If I talk to him about buying something he tells me I have to save for the baby yet he spends most of his time drinking or on his Xbox.
I wouldn't call him abusive but sometimes I do question it. On New Year's Eve I had been taking anti depressants which he wasn't happy about and me being me didn't real the side effects of drinking alcohol which led to me going in and out of consciousness as well as not being able to move due to being extremely drunk (I had two pints). He was pulling me around the bathroom and was forcefully putting his hands down my throat. Regardless of that I forgave him.
I know this is lengthy but on multiple occasions he's pushed me into walls and pinned me down so I can't leave.

I had my first midwife appointment today which they asked if I had any mental health issues or suffered domestic violence but because he wouldn't leave I couldn't tell my midwife.
I know it's probably too late but I don't think I could stay in this relationship with him. He makes me feel like everything I do is wrong and I don't want to cope with his anger issues anymore but at the same time I don't want our baby to grow up without their dad there. Am I over reacting?

HeyRoly Thu 20-Apr-17 14:50:45


Leave now.

He's violent, controlling and abusive.

Do you have anywhere else you could live? Parents? And it's not too late to tell your midwife. You should have a number for the community team. Call them.

HeyRoly Thu 20-Apr-17 14:51:43

Hang on a minute - he was with you at the appointment, was asked to leave so the midwife could talk to you alone, but wouldn't? That would be a massive red flag to the midwife.

category12 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:58:01

It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship, and I hate to tell you, but it tends to escalate during pregnancy and once you are 'trapped' by having children together. Pinning you down and pushing you are acts of violence and intimidation.

Do you have any supportive friends or family who could help you leave? There are also resources like Women's Aid. If you can speak to your midwife or gp privately at all, you can also find resources to help you.

Also, sorry to say it, but you are quite early on in your pregnancy too. You might wish to consider whether you want to have a child with this man at all.

BadTasteFlump Thu 20-Apr-17 14:59:11


Call your midwife as soon as you have a moment alone and tell her what you have told us. She is giving you a lifeline and can help you if you let her.

You say you don't want your baby to grow up without their dad, but think about the implications of your baby growing up with him sad

Aquamarine1029 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:59:59

Please, please, please, for your sake and the well-being of your baby, leave him right now. Today! He is horribly abusive and you are not overreacting. You are UNDER reacting. Trust me when I say he will not change and it will only get worse.

Adora10 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:00:54

Oh my goodness, you are severely under reacting OP; he will make a shit dad, he's very abusive and controlling; this is not a healthy for you or your baby, please make plans to leave.

AhYerWill Thu 20-Apr-17 15:07:11

You should call him abusive. Because he is. It's only going to get harder to leave him, so please consider whether it is the right thing to bring a child into a home where they will see their mother being abused.

It's never too late to leave an abusive relationship.

DearMrDilkington Thu 20-Apr-17 15:14:32

Please leave.

Get out before he seriously hurts you, do not tell him your leaving or confront him, just go and only take essentials so he doesn't catch on.

randomuntrainedcuntowner Thu 20-Apr-17 15:18:00

Read this book. X

guinnessgirl Thu 20-Apr-17 15:22:39

Oh OP, you poor thing. He is behaving abusively and it really would be best for you to leave now while you can. I'm so sorry flowers

yetmorecrap Thu 20-Apr-17 15:41:52

Im so sorry but he is an absolute loser-- I think you need todecide if you are prepared to be a single mum and then make arrangements accordingly. Having a baby often makes things more stressful when the baby arrives and if he cant cope now and is behaving like this when he should be making care of you his priority , he certainly isnt going to get better

UpYerGansey Thu 20-Apr-17 15:53:39

Leaving him is a given.
Agreeing with pp., if I were in your shoes, I would be giving v real consideration as to whether or not to proceed with the pregnancy. I hope that doesn't come across harshly.
You are so young, your whole life ahead of you, and you will always be shackled in some way to this person if you go ahead.
Wishing you well flowers

firsttimemum97 Sun 23-Apr-17 10:19:19

I left him today

Bleurghghghgh Sun 23-Apr-17 10:22:27

Well done, OP. How are you?

ANewDawn Sun 23-Apr-17 10:22:52

Good are you safe?

ANewDawn Sun 23-Apr-17 10:24:30

Also - NYE - you don't go in and out of consciousness with drinking 2 pints. Have i got this wrong? Doesn't matter if you're taking ADs. What happened that night?

DoIDontIhavethetalk Sun 23-Apr-17 10:26:26

Are you somewhere safe? Have you got RL support.

Please do not go back to this man. He is violent and abusive and terrifyingly controlling.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

category12 Sun 23-Apr-17 13:10:00

Good, well done. flowers Have you got support?

Moanyoldcow Sun 23-Apr-17 15:34:27

Well done!! You've been really strong.

Please think very carefully about having the baby. I would never tell anyone to have an abortion as I know how personal a decision it is. But that man will be in your life forever if you have a child with him and will find continual ways to abuse you.

weatherbomb Sun 23-Apr-17 15:47:57

Well done on gerting away OP! Do not go back ubder any circumstances as the abuse will get worse. What you have written already makes my blood run cold. Hard decision ahead for you - do you want to be linked to this man due to having a child together for the next 18yrs?
I say this as a lone parent who's ex is constantly using the children to try to control me / my life. It makes moving on very difficult. You are very young and have so much time ahead of you to have a family with a loving and caring person which you deserve. Stay strong and do what is best for you.

AudTheDeepMinded Sun 23-Apr-17 21:24:34

Well done, now stay left! and have a very hard think about what you want to happen in your life next, nothing is a certainty yet.

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