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I'm used by everyone "friends" & "family"

(9 Posts)
whatcar Thu 20-Apr-17 12:09:02

Name changed for this.

I'm almost 30, have a fantastic husband a toddler & my father.... that's it

I now have no friends not 1, as they only contacted me when they needed something, I spent years cleaning, baby sitting, giving money & time to people who would not even look after my child for 30 minutes to drop my father off at hospital, even though they are sat at home jobless doing nothing, but the very next day drop their 3 children off with no food/drinks/nappies etc so they can get their nails done for nearly 5 hours :/

I've recently cut ties with all my "family" now too, as not one of them has ever came too see my DC (he's now 2) but still expect me to pay off there debts & one even asked if I would pay for her wedding dress???

Me & my parter are not particularly wealthy, but we work hard to have nice things & are comfortable.

One of my cousins asked if I was doing anything yesterday because she misses us, and would like too meet up, she only lives down the road from me, I stupidly agreed, and then realized she only wanted a taxi into town so she could use my big boot for her DC birthday gifts.

So I'm feeling rather shitty today! I'm so lonely and don't know what to do.

user1492508073 Thu 20-Apr-17 12:18:55

Sometimes a need for finding a friend leaves us open to abuse by users. Truck is not to be desperate and be friendly to new people. You will find true friends in time.

yetmorecrap Thu 20-Apr-17 12:19:17

Yep, know this feeling, an awful lot of users out there these days

Chavelita Thu 20-Apr-17 12:23:45

You need to work on your self-esteem, OP. In the nicest possible way, you allowed his situation to continue for what sounds like years, presumably because you were trying to 'buy' friends by allowing people to exploit you. Now you realise that it doesn't work, and you're stuck with your identity as the workhorse of your circle. What are you going to do about it?

Trying2bgd Thu 20-Apr-17 12:31:41

Hey whatcar, sorry this has happened to you, you have done the right thing for yourself and your family. Take a breath, and don't panic. There is a vacuum in your life now albeit not an unwelcome one which you will feel. Don't rush to fill it. Spend some time asking yourself what you want to do with your spare time whether as a family or on your own and what are your interests. Then look around to see if their are groups or activities that fit into these ideas. Start attending these things, again don't panic if you don't make friends instantly, help set up or make coffees, become a familiar friendly face and you will find that people will talk to you. With time you will start to build a network. I have lived in my street for over 16 years and it is really only in the last 3 years that I consider some of my neighbours as friends enough to go for drinks and dinner. We have been friendly with many of them for over decade though!

whatcar Thu 20-Apr-17 12:45:20

Hi, thank you all x

Honestly the money issue was more to do with family I think, I've only ever gave one "friend" a large amount of money after years of knowing her, she was a single mum struggling to pay for her mums funeral & I felt sorry. I don't think I tried to buy friends, but understand that's how it came across x

I cut ties with all friends around September last year, that's also when we moved to a new town, so it has been a while.

I'm just worried for my son as he has no playfriends now. I take him to groups and sessions twice/three times a week and he gets along fine, but have noticed he's became more withdrawn from the other children recently. I don't know if that's because I don't really talk with the other mums, and he's feeding off me sad all the other mums clearly have no interest in me or my son, and I just feel like I've ruined things for him sad

ThisisrealityGreg Thu 20-Apr-17 12:54:13

Please don't worry about your son, he's only little and they don't really play with each other at that age. I used to take DS to groups and talk to only him because I'm not great at making conversation with strangers and felt nervous - I probably came across as unfriendly but didn't mean to. DS is now at school and has loads of friends.

Sorry you're feeling shitty. I used to work in a club and a couple of people kept inviting me out so I could get them in for free. It's not on the same level but still an unpleasant feeling when you realise that's all they want. Good for you for not taking it any more.

Zumbarunswim Thu 20-Apr-17 21:54:09

Don't worry, you'll meet new friends. There is space in your life for them and they will come in-just try and be happy and appreciate the people you do have and they'll be drawn to your happiness. I know how it is when you want to see the best in people-especially family-you don't want to think they would be capable of using you like that so give them more chances than you should. You may not have heard the last of the "users" - sometimes when you set boundaries the people who do care come back as they don't want to lose you, they just realise they need to make more running. Don't feel bad about your son either-they don't interact at that age. Be kind to yourself flowers

Thinkingofausername1 Thu 20-Apr-17 23:05:15

Same here. Latest basically wanted to be friends with me so she could borrow my dog. When I said no she hasn't contacted me since.

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