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Dating a widow with young children

(5 Posts)
bellsball Thu 20-Apr-17 00:22:32

Hi all. My husband passed away suddenly just over two years. I have 3 very young kids all doing really well though it has not been easy. Im now starting to think about going back on the dating seen. Just wondering if anyone would have any advice and will most men be put off about the fact I have 3 children depending on me. Honest answers only please

LellyMcKelly Thu 20-Apr-17 04:01:01

Good men aren't put off. Many of them will have their own children and will be interested in someone who understands the pressures of being a parent (and who doesn't want more children!). Have a good appreciation for what you will bring to a relationship - are you smart, funny, kind, well read, etc.? And think carefully about what you want from a relationship - I think I put 'open to possibility of long term relationship' or something like that. I met a man with 3 kids; I have 2, and my niece often spends time with us. It's crazy, but it's warm and funny. The kids get on like they've known each other forever, and it just works. My DP and I haven't been widowed, but we're both aware that we've been given a second chance, and we value and appreciate that. Good luck!

ShatnersWig Thu 20-Apr-17 07:51:54

Can I change that, Lelly, to "The RIGHT men aren't put off" please? You can be a perfectly GOOD man but not want to be involved with someone with three children (perhaps because you already have three of your own to cope with), just as the OP might not want to date a guy with three children. Doesn't make someone not a good person.

noego Thu 20-Apr-17 11:47:29

Just go out dating and see what happens. If there is a Mr Right then he will appear. Kids or no kids.
Remember kids leave home at some stage and then who and what is left?

Somerville Thu 20-Apr-17 13:59:27

Some men don't want to date a woman who has kids. Others only want to date women with kids as they have DC themselves and think it's harder for childfree women to understand that their DC are their top priority.

It's similar with the fact that you're widowed rather than divorced (so sorry you lost your DH flowers I did too, coming up on 3 years ago, and recently married the second love of my life) - some men might worry about always being compared, or worry about supporting you through ongoing grief. Others will realise that going through that and then getting out there to date means that you're strong and brave (you are).
So try not to worry what men will think of you. You'll have your own ideas about what kind of circumstances potential dates could be in that would suit you (or not); I'd focus on those if I were you.

Are you thinking of online dating? I haven't done that myself but from what I've heard from friends it's very much a numbers game. The more dates you go on the more likely you are to come across someone you connect with. A fellow wid' friend of mine has a babysitter booked for every friday evening and goes on a date every week without fail, which I massively admire.
Good luck. smile

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