Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband Complaining I Don't Earn Enough

61 replies

Greedynan · 19/04/2017 22:27

Hi there. Just looking for a bit of advice really. Hubs and I have 2 young children. I recently went back to work full time after being part time for a while after being on maternity leave. I have a professional job and am at the top of my earning potential, which is approx £33k per annum, which I don't think is too bad. He earns quite a bit more than me and is quite ambitious in comparison to me. He comes from a family of academics whereas I was the second person in my family to go to uni and I didn't have a lot of expectation put on me when I grew up. Don't get me wrong, professional development is on my agenda but not right now. I feel pretty exhausted a lot of the time from work/home life. I do a majority of the house work. He's a great dad and does the gardening and walks the dog but I do disproportionately more of the domestic chores. Just lately he's been telling me I should have a long term career goal, that I should do a masters degree (which I've repeatedly suggested I do over the years at some point). He isn't saying these things in a supportive way; his manner is more condescending tbh. When I tell him that it's on my agenda but not right now he says I'm being defensive and should stop putting stuff off, that I repeatedly talk about changing my career but never do anything about it. The convo becomes tense and he then says he expects me at least to be contributing more financially. I've taken 2 lots of maternity leave for our children; relocated to another city to be closer to his elderly parent that we care for (another dimension to our relationship which adds to the pressure on us). This has all impacted on my career progression whilst he has remained in the same job throughout.

I feel really pee'd off. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Report

OhTheRoses · 19/04/2017 22:31

Just one. He sounds like a shit.

foxyloxy78 · 19/04/2017 22:31

He is being totally unreasonable. You need to have an open and frank conversation with him. Your salary is not a bad one at all, plus you're a working mum and have to shoulder much of the domestic chores. He also needs to pull his weight more at home. Perhaps draw up a roster to make the housework fairer or hire a cleaner?

How much time do you spend caring for his elderly parent?

AnyFucker · 19/04/2017 22:32

Two words come to mind

Fuck.
Off.

Blinkyblink · 19/04/2017 22:32

Op, I hate to suggest this, but is there any possibility his head has been turned?

SoloDance · 19/04/2017 22:32

He sounds awful.

kateclarke · 19/04/2017 22:34

Sounds like you have enough on your plate already.

AntigoneJones · 19/04/2017 22:36

you squeezed out two children for him, look after them and the house, and look after his elderly parents AND bring in over 30 grand from work outside the home? is that right? and he thinks you do not contribute enough? FFS.

PickAChew · 19/04/2017 22:38

His head sounds like it's up his arse. Hard to get a clear view from there.

I'd start leaving around ads for higher paid jobs you might possibly have the skills for (at a pinch, but it's all theoretical, anyhow). All at least 100 miles away. See what his reaction is. In his grand plan that he thinks you should earn more, is he willing to make sacrifices to achieve that? Actually, since you're going to be so busy job hunting and developing your career, here's a list of household shite that he needs to get stuck into to free up your time.

I suspect he'll not launch himself into any such plans wholeheartedly. It's all bullshit.

answerssss · 19/04/2017 22:39

I don't often say much but what a tosser

Mirander · 19/04/2017 22:39

Why is he demanding you earn more, are you struggling to meet your financial obligations? Or does he just want more disposable income?

It sounds as though he thinks it's as easy as deciding you want to earn more and it just appears in your account. Does he understand the impact two children and a relocation has on someone's career? FFS he sounds like an utter turd to be honest.

Patriciathestripper1 · 19/04/2017 22:40

He's a selfish wanker

DrowningSeas · 19/04/2017 22:41

Find a local childminder, get a fee for a full day tell him to fund that amount and then earn more so he can contribute.

Then tell him you want a cleaner

Then a gardener

Then a whole new load of furniture

Then a chef

.... When he says you're being unreasonable in your expectations of him. Tell him to fuck off

Tosser.

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 19/04/2017 22:43

What. A. Twat.

That's all.

Greedynan · 19/04/2017 22:58

Thanks for replies. Means a lot. We have his elderly and ill parent over three nights a week, inc a day every.single.weekend. Not overnight, but for dinner. It's a ballache to be honest but most of that side of things falls to hubs. But it means I am dealing with our children more on my own.

In all honesty, hubs can be a bit of an emotional bully. He can be arrogant and condescending. He is never wrong. I rarely get a compliment. He tells me how to parent our children, criticises a lot of the time and, quite frankly, I sometimes fantasise about being a single mum. How awful is that?!

OP posts:

Mysteriouscurle · 19/04/2017 23:03

Quite honestly op it doesnt sound awful. It sounds like it would be great for you

Greedynan · 19/04/2017 23:04

Hmmmm. It has crossed my mind but he doesn't really get the opportunity/time tbh... he did go for a drink with a female colleague but there was somebody else there.... 🤔

OP posts:

FelixtheMouse · 19/04/2017 23:08

Why are you with this awful human being?

GoodYarns · 19/04/2017 23:13

Tell him to shove his opinion up his arse! I would stand for that. What a horrible man.

RJnomore1 · 19/04/2017 23:16

Tell him you want to lean in then and house and children are his responsibility from now on then sign up for a gym and an evening coursecyoud enjoy and bugger off at nights.

And a golf club for weekend networking.

twattymctwatterson · 19/04/2017 23:16

He sounds like a cunt. You do the majority of the domestic chores and childcare anyway, you have a good job and would probably be significantly happier on your own

Kittencatkins123 · 19/04/2017 23:17

Tell him you'll come back to him on all that when he's shat two melons/had two kids, whichever is easiest.

Seriously what a prick.

I wish I had some advice, I'm too annoyed right now to come up with anything useful.

Kittencatkins123 · 19/04/2017 23:17

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

SuburbanRhonda · 19/04/2017 23:20

Agree with all pp.

But can I just ask - you never refer to him as "hubs" to anyone irl, do you?

Jollymum2107 · 19/04/2017 23:20

Get a better job

Greedynan · 19/04/2017 23:25

No. Just trying to kp things as anon as poss really. 😝

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.