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Husband Complaining I Don't Earn Enough

(62 Posts)
Greedynan Wed 19-Apr-17 22:27:52

Hi there. Just looking for a bit of advice really. Hubs and I have 2 young children. I recently went back to work full time after being part time for a while after being on maternity leave. I have a professional job and am at the top of my earning potential, which is approx £33k per annum, which I don't think is too bad. He earns quite a bit more than me and is quite ambitious in comparison to me. He comes from a family of academics whereas I was the second person in my family to go to uni and I didn't have a lot of expectation put on me when I grew up. Don't get me wrong, professional development is on my agenda but not right now. I feel pretty exhausted a lot of the time from work/home life. I do a majority of the house work. He's a great dad and does the gardening and walks the dog but I do disproportionately more of the domestic chores. Just lately he's been telling me I should have a long term career goal, that I should do a masters degree (which I've repeatedly suggested I do over the years at some point). He isn't saying these things in a supportive way; his manner is more condescending tbh. When I tell him that it's on my agenda but not right now he says I'm being defensive and should stop putting stuff off, that I repeatedly talk about changing my career but never do anything about it. The convo becomes tense and he then says he expects me at least to be contributing more financially. I've taken 2 lots of maternity leave for our children; relocated to another city to be closer to his elderly parent that we care for (another dimension to our relationship which adds to the pressure on us). This has all impacted on my career progression whilst he has remained in the same job throughout.

I feel really pee'd off. Any thoughts?

OhTheRoses Wed 19-Apr-17 22:31:12

Just one. He sounds like a shit.

foxyloxy78 Wed 19-Apr-17 22:31:53

He is being totally unreasonable. You need to have an open and frank conversation with him. Your salary is not a bad one at all, plus you're a working mum and have to shoulder much of the domestic chores. He also needs to pull his weight more at home. Perhaps draw up a roster to make the housework fairer or hire a cleaner?

How much time do you spend caring for his elderly parent?

AnyFucker Wed 19-Apr-17 22:32:05

Two words come to mind


Blinkyblink Wed 19-Apr-17 22:32:52

Op, I hate to suggest this, but is there any possibility his head has been turned?

SoloDance Wed 19-Apr-17 22:32:52

He sounds awful.

kateclarke Wed 19-Apr-17 22:34:01

Sounds like you have enough on your plate already.

AntigoneJones Wed 19-Apr-17 22:36:07

you squeezed out two children for him, look after them and the house, and look after his elderly parents AND bring in over 30 grand from work outside the home? is that right? and he thinks you do not contribute enough? FFS.

PickAChew Wed 19-Apr-17 22:38:57

His head sounds like it's up his arse. Hard to get a clear view from there.

I'd start leaving around ads for higher paid jobs you might possibly have the skills for (at a pinch, but it's all theoretical, anyhow). All at least 100 miles away. See what his reaction is. In his grand plan that he thinks you should earn more, is he willing to make sacrifices to achieve that? Actually, since you're going to be so busy job hunting and developing your career, here's a list of household shite that he needs to get stuck into to free up your time.

I suspect he'll not launch himself into any such plans wholeheartedly. It's all bullshit.

answerssss Wed 19-Apr-17 22:39:02

I don't often say much but what a tosser

Mirander Wed 19-Apr-17 22:39:07

Why is he demanding you earn more, are you struggling to meet your financial obligations? Or does he just want more disposable income?

It sounds as though he thinks it's as easy as deciding you want to earn more and it just appears in your account. Does he understand the impact two children and a relocation has on someone's career? FFS he sounds like an utter turd to be honest.

Patriciathestripper1 Wed 19-Apr-17 22:40:47

He's a selfish wanker

DrowningSeas Wed 19-Apr-17 22:41:47

Find a local childminder, get a fee for a full day tell him to fund that amount and then earn more so he can contribute.

Then tell him you want a cleaner

Then a gardener

Then a whole new load of furniture

Then a chef

.... When he says you're being unreasonable in your expectations of him. Tell him to fuck off


Idrinkandiknowstuff Wed 19-Apr-17 22:43:40

What. A. Twat.

That's all.

Greedynan Wed 19-Apr-17 22:58:40

Thanks for replies. Means a lot. We have his elderly and ill parent over three nights a week, inc a day every.single.weekend. Not overnight, but for dinner. It's a ballache to be honest but most of that side of things falls to hubs. But it means I am dealing with our children more on my own.

In all honesty, hubs can be a bit of an emotional bully. He can be arrogant and condescending. He is never wrong. I rarely get a compliment. He tells me how to parent our children, criticises a lot of the time and, quite frankly, I sometimes fantasise about being a single mum. How awful is that?!

Mysteriouscurle Wed 19-Apr-17 23:03:24

Quite honestly op it doesnt sound awful. It sounds like it would be great for you

Greedynan Wed 19-Apr-17 23:04:07

Hmmmm. It has crossed my mind but he doesn't really get the opportunity/time tbh... he did go for a drink with a female colleague but there was somebody else there.... 🤔

FelixtheMouse Wed 19-Apr-17 23:08:52

Why are you with this awful human being?

GoodYarns Wed 19-Apr-17 23:13:35

Tell him to shove his opinion up his arse! I would stand for that. What a horrible man.

RJnomore1 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:16:09

Tell him you want to lean in then and house and children are his responsibility from now on then sign up for a gym and an evening coursecyoud enjoy and bugger off at nights.

And a golf club for weekend networking.

twattymctwatterson Wed 19-Apr-17 23:16:19

He sounds like a cunt. You do the majority of the domestic chores and childcare anyway, you have a good job and would probably be significantly happier on your own

Kittencatkins123 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:17:20

Tell him you'll come back to him on all that when he's shat two melons/had two kids, whichever is easiest.

Seriously what a prick.

I wish I had some advice, I'm too annoyed right now to come up with anything useful.

Kittencatkins123 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:17:59


SuburbanRhonda Wed 19-Apr-17 23:20:10

Agree with all pp.

But can I just ask - you never refer to him as "hubs" to anyone irl, do you?

Jollymum2107 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:20:17

Get a better job

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