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My boyfriends left and im not coping.

(15 Posts)
AprilKATsmith95 Wed 19-Apr-17 10:24:56

My boyfriend has left me. I'm not okay he was my best friend he made me so happy I am in love with him and it's been just over a week and it's our anniversary on the 23 of April and I can't cope with it all I feel so alone he was my everything he was the best person I've ever met and I can't believe he's left me because I know we was going through a tough time and things the week or two before we had a few arguments over money and silly stresses but I never saw this coming. He told he doesn't love me. And i keep playing in it over and over in my mind rehearing him saying he dont love me anymore. It's the most painful thing I've ever felt. I can't sleep I wake up crying and fall asleep crying wake up in the night crying. I can't eat and when i do I throw up and I can't speak to anyone cause i don't know the words to explain how hard this feels I can't think it feels like i cant breathe. Feels like my happiness has been ripped away from and I don't know how to deal with it I don't even know if i I want to deal with because i don't want to accept it's over . How can he say he loves me and wants to marry me and then leave and walk out and it all change in a week? I hate myself i blame myself for it keep thinking I wasn't ever enough. How do I make this stop hurting how do pick myself up and fall out of love with him? My little boy keeps asking where he's gone and i tell him he's going to work away for a long and he keeps telling me he misses him and asking to go see his family and I don't know what to say it kills me. And my ex's mum keeps messaging me checking up on me trying to make me feel better and it dont work because I miss her and all his family i dont have My own family or friends so they took me in a made me feel apart of something wonderful and i love them all alot too and there only 10 mins down the road. And I cant go away because everything reminds me of him I see his face everywhere I fucking miss him and love him and I feel so lost. Please somebody tell me how to end all this pain because i cant bare another day of feeling this way. He left before for a month and it was horrible but he come back and now I think he's going to come back soon everything my phone goes off or a knock at the door anything my heart races and I think it's him and it never is and I can't take anymore. I've never loved anyone this much nobody has ever made me feel so safe and loved and beautiful and homely in there arms or treated me so well and ive fucked it all up because I couldn't be enough for him because I didn't support him enough or whatever i did i dint know but hes gone and i miss him his smell the feel of his breath on the back of my neck when we was sleeping his smile his laugh his shitty jokes him playing with my hair till I fell asleep on him him texting me every second of the day saying " I love you beautiful " and him playing with my little boy and the cat he got us all while I sat and watched on the sofa feeling like the luckiest girl ever . I would of moved the moon and the stars to of been enough for him to stay and love me and have all stuff back I can't even delete our photos or listen to music I feel broken.

user1491148352 Wed 19-Apr-17 10:31:36

flowers

No real advice - this is an awful situation to be in.

But try and keep busy. Headphones on. Music. Running. Swimming. It will help the time pass more quickly. And time heals.

AprilKATsmith95 Wed 19-Apr-17 10:46:15

All I keep thinking is all the stuff we planned together all those amazing beautiful things he told me about myself or the things we do he will do with somebody else. I am so depressed. I thought I'd grow old with this man I thought we was going to have a family buy a home because its what he said he wanted even the day he left he told me he loves me and would never be able to go a day without me. Then I come home from my friends get into bed try cuddle him and he just got up and said he can't do it anymore and started packing all his stuff and I was screaming in pain from it like it's something ive never ever felt emotional pain like it to the point I was shaking and screaming and begging him not to go he said everything in the last couple weeks got too much with money and me being moany which I put down to getting the implant and being a bit all over the place while ny body adjusts to it all but he said he don't love me and hasn't for a long time and i know there's no other women on the scene or anything just it would make it easier if there was cause then I could make myself hate him and atm I cant when my friend told me she thinks he's a dick ECT for leaving i just want to defend him and not hear it because he's not bad he's amazing he's perfect and i know i sound like a total loser but honestly he's amazing. How do I just become nothing to him and his family for somebody else to take my place one day I just can't cope anymore it's been nearly 2 weeks and I don't dislike him still I still love him as much as the day we met even now hes gone . Should I text him should i let him go I don't want to let him go but i can't make me come back. He's brothers coming over soon to pick up the rest of his stuff and im scared to face him cause ill break down I was close with all his family his brother and him was my best mates and I now cant even be friends with him anymore as i know he is going to stick by his brother but it all hurts so much

willowsamantha Wed 19-Apr-17 12:06:22

Hi April,
I can sort of understand what you are going through, I've been in a relationship with my 'ex' for a couple of months now and we had a relationship previously.
He lives in Somerset while I'm still in Cornwall, he pretty much broke up with me last night because of the distance between us (2 hour drive) saying he is scared etc, he also might be moving back to his hometown in Yorkshire so he deems it impossible for a relationship. I would move anywhere to be with him, to be beside him but he doesn't understand that.
I personally think it's a cop out and he's just making excuses.
My situation is obviously very different to yours, but if he's done it before maybe there is a possibility he'd come back, some men just can't take what us women do, they break a lot quicker than us. But him saying he can't cope with your moaning?! that to me is an excuse. The heartbreak does get better, it slowly mends. You just need to stay positive (easier said that done I know) but you have much more to live for than this man. They don't define who we are!
Stay strong x

ajandjjmum Wed 19-Apr-17 12:21:56

April - I'm so sorry you're going through this, and that you've got no-one to share this with. A similar thing happened to my DD some months ago - her bf moved out whilst she was away working and sent her a text. Really cowardly way to behave, and she was distraught.

Keeping busy is so important although I know it's the last thing you feel like. Take it one day at a time, plan to take your little boy to the park/swimming/cinema - just step by step. You will get your strength back, and in time will realise that things happen for a reason.

After a dreadful couple of months, DD was able to do things that wouldn't have been possible in a relationship, and although she still thinks of the jerk, she is leading a much more exciting and satisfying life now.

Take care of yourself.

DtD1986 Wed 19-Apr-17 12:46:44

This was me not even a week ago, I really feel for you and I was left with 2kids and no support Watso Eva. It's hard but trust me as the days pass you slowly start to become stronger and the pain gets less and less. Sometimes no matter how much you love each other it just doesn't work and he will have his reasons but now he's left u need to be strong for u and ur child. Give him space and yourself time things will get better. I'm still hurting but sometimes u just have to let go. X

user1492190246 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:41:59

I was in your shoes five years ago and I was pregnant too. I thought I would never be able to make it. It does get easier with time .keep busy and focus on your son . Some days will be better than others. Sending 🤗. Good luck with everything 💐

pumpkinmoon1 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:51:52

I have been where you are and it isn't pleasant. Nobody is perfect 100% of the time so there must have been aspects of his personality that weren't so great? If so, start by making a list of those things. He left you before for a month, rather than work on it so that is one point to get down on paper. And now, he has done it again without a single warning. He knew how upset you were the last time, so he should have made damn sure that he wanted to make this work with you before coming back, yet he's done it again.

You're probably having a lot of thoughts at the moment about never meeting anyone else like him, never being interested in anyone else or feeling like you did about him, please know that although this seems very really, they are just irrational thoughts, and you will get through this.

Just take it one day at a time, or a hour an a time if that's all you can manage. You have your son, and he is the most important person to you. Can you get out and do things with him?

It seems hopeless right now and the only thing that is really going to help is time. Time seems to pass so slowly when you're in this state of mind, but in a few months you will be feeling a lot better and look back and wonder where the time went.

pumpkinmoon1 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:52:53

Very real**

Shayelle Wed 19-Apr-17 18:05:12

You poor poor thing. The pain is acute, i know. Just keep on living your life day to day, looking after your little one. It will feel hard for some time. Ive been where you are... lots of us have... but everyone does get through it, and you will too. Keep posting on here, we will all support you xx

tinglyfing Wed 19-Apr-17 23:25:14

One day at a time. Not even that - one hour at a time. Cry as much as you need to. Get it all out. Trust me, the anger will come. Then after that, you rebuild. It'll take time. Don't rush yourself. Be good to yourself. flowers

ptumbi Thu 20-Apr-17 07:39:09

OP - in reality; this man, this 'perfect, amazing' man, has left you before, told you he loves you (when he doesn't) told you he wants a family (when he doesn't) and is happy to walk away from a person crying.

This is not an amazing, perfect man.

Move on. You have built him up to being a perfect bf, when in fact he is a cold and uncaring shit. You don't want him back; he will only do it to you again, and that is no way to live.

Keep busy, focus on your dc. Don't focus on your hurt.
Lean on friends, not his mother.

Oh - and there will be another woman. He won't have jumped out of your nice warm bed for nothing. There will be someone else lined up.

AprilKATsmith95 Thu 20-Apr-17 12:31:21

He's messaged me saying hes sorry things got a bit heated as I called him a bullshitter and nasty for stringing me along for so long when he was planning to leave he told me " my bad I'm sorry" which really hurt as it was so heartless and then told me I made him depressed which was a shock for me and I done everything for him I could and always told him he can talk to me and I'll listen and to talk to his family and friends or get some help and he always said he's fine. I've been trying to get his brother to get his stuff and still nothing has been picked up and my son keeps asking where is has gone and tells me he loves him and he will be home soon which has made me feel so guilty and awful as they was close and I just dont have the answers to tell him. I've stopped messaging his mum aswell trying to cut ties but he just wont collect his stuff I've already bagged it up and set it aside for him but nothing has gone and I dont want it in my house for me or my son to look at much longer I feel like being ruthless and throwing it all away but I know it has important work papers inside and things that are expensive anybody know what I should do or say to get it gone as having it here knowing I've got to see somebody from his family to collect it makes it harder to let go as I'm always waiting to see them to get it. And thankyou for the advice I've been trying to keep myself busy around my friends and family but still struggle to sleep and eat just feel really depressed and I feel like I look like an idiot telling everyone im so happy and in love and things are perfect to now saying hes left because I was making him depressed and all this x

Aquamarine1029 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:52:04

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I do have a question, though, and I think you need to really dig deep and think before you answer. You keep saying he was so wonderful, but does someone that wonderful just leave? I think you might be romanticizing your relationship with him and seeing only what you want to see.

ptumbi Fri 21-Apr-17 07:37:45

DO NOT APOLOGISE TO HIM! You do/did what you did for him as well as you - but you cannot sort out his life. You did not make him depressed, that is a stick he can beat you with. Don't accept it.

When your son asks for him, tell him he's gone away for a long time. Change the subject. Do not let him see you cry for this shit.

Regarding his stuff, message him/his mum/family JUST ONCE to say his stuff is outside your door on saturday in black bin bags at 10AM. If he wants it, collect it, and if he doesn't collect, it will be in the bins/skip/dump that night.
Then go away on Saturday (955am) for the weekend. Block all contact with his family.

Be your own woman, your child's mum. Stop being this shit's bedwarmer/counsellor/cook/cleaner

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