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Weird comment from boss

(22 Posts)
KateDaniels2 Wed 19-Apr-17 08:04:57

This might be a bit long.

My boss (male) and i get on well and i consider him a work friend. We don't see eachother outside work and only message about work. Usually when one of us is working outside the office, with updates or lettinh eachother know anything important that happening. We only message on a group chat that includes his boss as well as we all work closely.

So we get on at work and chat etc. But dont see eachother outside work. So not a real friend just a work friend.

2 days ago my boss asked me if his wife had added me and facebook. I said 'No why would she?'. He told me she was suspicious of our relationship as we talk alot and he mentions me at home. I replied that i would stop messaging him when he is wfh and he should contact the office if he needs an update as i don't want her to be upset. I felt a bit uncomfortable that she was upset as its never about anything but work and not a lot. Maybe 4/5 messages a week. Boss said he didnt want that. I told him i wasnt comfortable being part of causing problems.

I told dh and dh said he thinks mu boss was testing the waters and might fancy me. I dismissed that as there is nothing between us.

But i have read a comment on another thread that said this often happens. A person mentions their partner isnt happy with the relationship to test the waters to see if anything is there.

Is this true? And what should i do next? I have no intention of having an affair or emotional affair with my Boss.

I am just dreading having to work with him now. But not sure if his comments are anything to worry about.

Thanks for reading and any advice comments would be welcomed.

Sparkletastic Wed 19-Apr-17 08:06:40

You've handled it perfectly. I suspect your DH is right.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 19-Apr-17 08:09:43

Yes he was definitely testing the waters. He probably wanted you to be 'on side' with him against his wife by saying you'd continue to email out of hours. Which leads to 'my wife doesn't understand me' and a complicit frisson between you and he.

Stop emailing him when he's wfh unless it's unavoidable, keep things completely professional, be a little cooler than you were with him whilst still being pleasant...go a bit grey on him.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 19-Apr-17 08:10:37

Ps not suggesting you weren't Ben g professional before, just suggesting you redraw that boundary.

SandyY2K Wed 19-Apr-17 08:15:11

Your DH could be right, or maybe his wife is suspicious, especially as he talks about you at home.

I think you should make the contact necessary to do your job properly. If his wife has a problem with that, then he and her need to deal with it.

Some wives are suspicious and some have cause to be. I don't believe in his position I'd have said anything though. He should have shown his wife the messages and she'd see it was nothing but work.

areyoubeingserviced Wed 19-Apr-17 08:16:08

Totally agree with your dh.

HerOtherHalf Wed 19-Apr-17 08:18:59

If you only message each other about work he could very easily have allayed his wife's suspicions by letting her look st his emails and chat history. No need for her to pull you up on Facebook and no need for him even to mention it to you. His story makes no sense so there's something else going on. Keep it purely professional and don't get drawn in. If he mentions his wife again just tell him his private life and marriage are none of your business.

KateDaniels2 Wed 19-Apr-17 08:41:02

Thank you. To be honest i was hoping you were all saying i was being ridiculous.

I will take the advice on board and remain professional but distance myself somewhat.

Its a pain because its a small project Team and I lead the projects so work with him alot and there is a trip to another office to scotland (overnight) that he has decided he is attending with me and one other person.

I dont want to drop out of the trip as its a good opportunity for me, work wise, but it might be best if he insists on coming.

KateDaniels2 Wed 19-Apr-17 08:43:16

And yes i agrer he could have just shown her what the messages are.

What a dick. I am fed up that my work is going to be impacted by his twatty behaviour.

RockyBird Wed 19-Apr-17 08:48:12

What a dick.

I've lost count of the number of jealous/psycho wives/gfs conversations I've had (work in a predominantly male environment) and no they're perfectly normal people who find themselves together with a twatbollocks.

IsNotGold Wed 19-Apr-17 09:13:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471495191 Wed 19-Apr-17 09:30:38

It might not be him. His wife might the one who is suspicious. Eitherway, maintaining / reiterating boundaries def seems the best plan.

UpYerGansey Wed 19-Apr-17 09:38:56

Don't damage your career by not going on a business trip just because he's a muppet.
Just go, do your thing, don't socialise beyond the necessary, come home, job done.
He will pick up that you're not remotely interested. Hopefully he's just got a crush that will pass.

KateDaniels2 Wed 19-Apr-17 09:39:10

I am not thinking about dropping out of the trip for his wifes sake

But because i am questioning his motives to go. Will think about it before i make a decision

IsNotGold Wed 19-Apr-17 09:52:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockyBird Wed 19-Apr-17 09:55:46

It's fucking disgusting that women in the workplace have to give this kind of shit headspace.

I was once offered and accepted a job permanently that I'd been doing having been seconded by a sister company, where my original post had been made redundant. I'd had a three month trial and my sales figures were a massive improvement on the predecessor's, who was retiring. I worked my arse off and deserved the recognition.

There was an office party. Spouses were invited. The bosses wife thought I was too pretty for the job and my offer was withdrawn.

I was absolutely never going to shag her fat, old DH. I wouldn't have if he'd been young and handsome. Incidentally she'd been his pa before and was the ow. angry

RockyBird Wed 19-Apr-17 09:56:16


ajandjjmum Wed 19-Apr-17 10:00:28

My first job was given to me because I was up against a very glamorous girl - and my boss had a very jealous wife! grin

drspouse Wed 19-Apr-17 10:10:32

WRT the work trip, just copy in the other person to every email (including ones where your boss replies just to you). Stick to email not FB messenger.

I have a male colleague who can be a bit overly friendly but I think he's trying to be seen as "caring" (e.g. talks about how much childcare he does - I know lots of my male colleagues' wives socially and he is actually one of the better ones, but I don't talk about my childcare responsibilities in a work setting half as much as he does). I generally just ignore that part of the email and reply to the rest of it.

HerOtherHalf Wed 19-Apr-17 10:31:30

This business trip malarky adds a whole new worrying dimension, assuming your nagging doubts about his motives have any foundation.

I think you need to put on your chess playing head and start thinking two moves ahead. If he has got it into his mind that you may be game for extracurricular activities you need to find a way to nip it in the bud before he actually makes a move. He is your boss, and regardless of your organisation or its people policies, he can make life very difficult for you. If he moves on you and you reject him you have no way of knowing if he will take it on the chin or get spiteful.

Try and find a way of making it clear to him that you are not, and will never be, interested without actually telling him directly. Also, if he does come on the trip I would suggest you find/invent a convenient friend in the area that you've made plans to go out with so that you don't need to socialise with your boss in the evening.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 19-Apr-17 10:39:54

that's weird, he is testing the waters. stop the messaging and your DH is a wise man

mention you at home, huh!

KateDaniels2 Wed 19-Apr-17 10:46:58

If he moves on you and you reject him you have no way of knowing if he will take it on the chin or get spiteful.

This is my concern.

Will be doing emails only and if i go on the trip i may feign headache after the meal with the directors.

I hate this shit!

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