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That horrible feeling

(6 Posts)
user1492558798 Wed 19-Apr-17 00:41:24

When the only person that you want to want you is the only person who doesn't want you.

I'm so hurt, and wish I could find the strength to end it with BF. He ignores me for large chunks of time. I am periodically convinced that he is seeing other women, perhaps for friendship as he is 'lonely' but I can't be sure.

I'm emotionally exhausted at trying to manage this and it's damaging my need to push myself professionally. How can this me?

How can I find the strength to say the words 'we are over and this is why'.

I really am in turmoil

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Wed 19-Apr-17 00:45:30

Pretend you're somebody else and read your post OP. All the reasons why are right there.

Just send them to him. What are you actually getting from this besides emotional trauma?

You only live once, you could be passing up somebody who is not a dickhead who plays games because you are caught up with this idiot.

You deserve better.

gladsamurai Wed 19-Apr-17 06:32:17

I am just so tired

Mumandsome78 Wed 19-Apr-17 07:36:42

This could have be a month back. And when i realised I was about to spoil things at work and damage my relationship with my son, action had to be taken. So what did I do? Well for the first time in my life, I said nothing, but I did a lot.
In short I slowly and maturely distanced myself without making it obvious or like it was some kind of attention seeking attempt. First holding off messaging - and when I say holding off, I mean absolutely no initiated direct contact via Whatsapp or other such tools - this is essential, in my view. On weak days I locked my phone in my car, or let it run out of battery for a bit. I continued the occasional 'like' on social media to make it clear I was a grown up and not having a hissy fit.

Second, I made a concerted and at first difficult and tearful effort to ensure I was spending less and less time hanging around the person and filling the extra time with things that made me feel peaceful or loved. If asked (I was once) by that person why I wasn't spending more time with that person I said only 'I have a thing to go to with x' I kept it all very understated and un emotional despite the war raging in my head and heart.

A mere three weeks in, I can categorically say it was the best thing I could have done. I feel like a different person, I am better, work is better, my son is better and I am overwhelmed with invites to go and have fun and hang out with friends that of course don't want to have s** with me, but want to love and be nice to me and wont ignore or hurt me.

Do it. Don't make a big thing. HE sounds like a bully so will enjoy nothing more than you showing emotion and hurt. Dignity and maturity are your best weapons against this kind of pathetic person.

Good luck. But do it. Learn to love the tears and sadness of the 'end' - because it's also a new beginning. And frankly, less painful than being ignored.

DJBaggySmalls Wed 19-Apr-17 07:43:45

How do you find the strength to stay? End it. Dont explain why. He already knows why. trying to explain is expecting him to treat you with enough respect to listen and care.

Have you considered using the Women's Aid Freedom Program? Because what you are in isn't a healthy relationship, its abusive.

gladsamurai Wed 19-Apr-17 07:56:15

I don't think he's abusive, I think he's self focused. I don't think that he actually sees me as a person because he is too focussed on himself

I don't ever initiate contact, and I also step away from the phone quite often. I do need to persevere, though

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