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Please help (trigger warning)

(82 Posts)
Beyondworried Tue 18-Apr-17 23:04:49

Posting here for traffic and have name changed as am desperate for advice.
My 18 yo DD has disclosed tonight that she was raped on Friday night. Feel utterly numb. Waiting for the police. Can anyone tell me what the process will be... what happens after they have spoken to her?

SucklingDuckling Tue 18-Apr-17 23:09:12

This is terrible.

I was raped when I was 17 and didn't realise it at the time - was drunk, blamed myself and thought it was acceptable that a stranger had sex with me when I was too drunk to consent. I now realise it's really not okay.

All I can say is you're doing the right thing, support her as much as possible. Get her to give the police as many details as she can and help her be strong. Things like this can have lifelong effects on confidence and self-esteem, counselling could help but she needs love and support most of all. flowers good luck and look after your poor DD, an awful thing has happened to her but you need to help her be strong enough to come through it.

feathermucker Tue 18-Apr-17 23:16:31

I don't know what to say, I'm afraid but thinking of you flowers

Pariswhenitdrizzles Tue 18-Apr-17 23:18:39

Hi OP - I'm so sorry that I have no advice or guidance to give in this situation. I'm also thinking of you and your DD flowers

Beyondworried Tue 18-Apr-17 23:19:31

She seems really calm.... not sure if it is delayed shock.

user1492554064 Tue 18-Apr-17 23:25:52

So sorry to hear this.

Practical advice:

Get her to a sexual health clinic TOMORROW and get her medically examined. She may still just be inside the window. Even if she's undecided about what to do criminally, the evidence will have been gathered and she'll have the option going forward if she changes her mind.

Then, if she does want to report to police, call them on the non-emergency number. She'll be video interviewed and things will progress from there, depending on the circumstances (i.e. Whether she knows the suspect or not).

Hope this helps in the short term OP A

ohfourfoxache Tue 18-Apr-17 23:28:03

I'm so sorry, thinking of you and your brave dd thanks

user1492554064 Tue 18-Apr-17 23:28:09

Sorry - just re-read and have seen you've already called the police. In that case they'll take care of the medical if they think it's still viable. After that, like I said it will depend on circumstances. Happy to give you more pointers if you can/are happy to give rough details!

AmeliaLion Tue 18-Apr-17 23:30:26

Follow her lead. I haven't been raped, but was threatened with it. When I (eventually) told people, their well-meaning 'advice' on what I should/could have done in that situation was intolerable. Open heart, closed mouth is a useful phrase. Listen to everything, but try to offer as little commentary as you can manage. So very sorry this appalling crime has happened flowers

PuffinNose Tue 18-Apr-17 23:30:50

I am really sorry to hear this.
Stay calm and make sure your daughter knows it was not her fault and you are there for her.
Encourage her to report it but respect her wishes.
Please, encourage her to get swobs etc so they bave the evidence if she does report it.
Get her to write everything down now so she remembers it. Even if sbe thinks it is irrelevent, write it down. You need to write down what she said to you, when etc as well. It's easy to get confused when you're questioned.

Agerbilatemycardigan Wed 19-Apr-17 00:14:06

Your poor daughter. No real advice, except to get her as much support as possible. So sorry for you both xx

CatsRidingRollercoasters Wed 19-Apr-17 00:17:40

No advice but flowers

Thank goodness she has a mum she can confide in. Good luck and thinking of you and her...

VladmirsPoutine Wed 19-Apr-17 00:24:28

I'd also take her lead. It's going to be a hell of an emotional rollercoaster - some moments will seem high, even manic and then she might crash, cry uncontrollably. You need to be her safe space. Let her be comfortable enough to express everything she feels to you.
Don't coax her into telling you more than she is prepared to.
STI check is very important.
I'm so sorry this has happened to her. I wish you both well.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 19-Apr-17 00:26:32

I have an 18 year old dd and The thought of something like that happening to her literally makes me go ice cold. There wouldn't need to a court case. I'd hunt the disgusting specimen down myself. Burn it (his penis) in acid while it was still attached to him, then. With what was left I'd choke him with it.
Give your dd a big massive hug and tell her well done for telling you. She's amazing
Im so sorry for you both. Xx

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 19-Apr-17 00:28:19

Yes definitely take her lead.
Don't quiz her too much. She'll talk in her own time. X

UrsulaPandress Wed 19-Apr-17 00:32:45

Hold her close. Poor lamb.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Wed 19-Apr-17 00:37:36

Oh your poor DD. She's done absolutely the right thing in talking to you.
I'm so sorry this fucking shit still happens sad

saoirse31 Wed 19-Apr-17 00:39:55

Your poor did, hope she's OK. Just listen to her, I'd say, sorry, have no idea really.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 19-Apr-17 00:40:44

Oh god, what an utter nightmare for you both, I'm so sorry, poor poor love.
I'm sorry I've no clue about the procedure, but the police,I know, are highly trained, and will look after her.

Give her an extra hug from us, I'll be thinking of you.

JayneAusten Wed 19-Apr-17 00:43:35

Oh your baby. sad I am so sorry.

Just tell her that you believe her. You believe her and you are so glad she told you.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Wed 19-Apr-17 00:49:37

I'm so sorry this has happen to your daughter. I'm sure the police would have asked but does she still have the clothes she was wearing for testing?

XsaraHale Wed 19-Apr-17 00:59:42

So sorry to hear your DD had to go through this and how difficult it must be for you too as a parent.

You have done the right thing in telling the police. Think your DD may be in shock and after detailing everything to the police it might cause emotional outpouring. Support when police are there and ask them anything/everything/go over as much as you want and need...get them to reassure your DD as much as they can too.

Littlelegs19 Wed 19-Apr-17 01:04:42

Oh, I am so sorry this has happened to her. 😞
No advice but please send her my love

Aquamarine1029 Wed 19-Apr-17 01:10:14

The best you can do is to be there for her, believe her, and let her know that she can always come to you to talk or cry. I also think you should do everything possible to get her into therapy NOW. Don't wait. Don't trust her is she says she's "ok." She's not ok.

C8H10N4O2 Wed 19-Apr-17 01:17:52

Take her lead and also ask the police for referral to a local rape crisis/support team. They can help both of you flowers

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