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I left the bastard ... now what do I do

(69 Posts)
Nowitsover Tue 18-Apr-17 22:32:33

I have posted here before under a different name, I had some very helpful advice on how bad H's behaviour was and some tips on how to prepare to leave him.

So it all kicked off on Thursday night. H bought the eldest DD1 a giant Easter egg but didn't buy anything for the other DCs. Eldest DS1 was really upset about this and asked H why he didn't buy him one. H started shouting and screaming at him that he didn't deserve one and he was a bad boy. DS1 was getting so upset so I sent him upstairs. H then had a massive go at me for letting DS 1 go upstairs.
H was really awful and threatening and nasty. DD1 was still in the room and begged him to stop but he wouldn't.
He stormed through the house smashing stuff and then eventually went out to the pub.

So I gathered up the DCs and all their stuff and left. We went to my grandmother's house the first night. Then I went back the house picked up some stuff we had left. Then DD 1 had an idea which she got from a book that we should go to the seaside away from here for a bit.

So we are currently in a small caravan park by the seaside. I don't really know what to do next. We need to go back at some point because the DCs will have to go back to school next week. H is really angry. I text him once to tell him the DCs were safe. He was been texting and calling constantly telling me he is destroying the house if I don't come home.

I don't want to go back to him because my kids deserve better. But I don't know how to keep them safe from H.

DartmoorDoughnut Tue 18-Apr-17 22:34:27

Oh bless you you're so rave! I'm sure the wise MNers will have good advice but maybe call Womens Aid?

DartmoorDoughnut Tue 18-Apr-17 22:34:51

Brave not rave!

Astro55 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:35:00

Phone woman aid

Can you stay somewhere else?

Can you call the police to visit if he's destroying the house

Say you fear for your safety and get it logged - ask for advise as you are too scared to go home?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:36:57

Id phone women's aid and the police. He is threatening you.

BigBairyHollocks Tue 18-Apr-17 22:37:06

Well done OP.I am sorry i don't have any great advice,have you anywhere you can stay close to school?only think I would say would be to go to the school and advise them of the situation in case he turns up or the kids get upset in class.Well done you flowers

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Tue 18-Apr-17 22:37:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming Tue 18-Apr-17 22:37:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VladmirsPoutine Tue 18-Apr-17 22:40:39

Is it feasible for you to go back to your GMs house in the medium to longer term? - presuming it's not feasible to stay in the caravan longer than a few days.
You will need to contact the police - the aggression, smashing up the house.
Contact woman's aid.
In the meantime well done for acting so fast and protecting your dcs.

Imnotaslimjim Tue 18-Apr-17 22:40:47

No advice just flowers

Well done! The lovely ladies on here will help you, they're full of great advice for brave ladies like you.

PickAChew Tue 18-Apr-17 22:41:05

Is the house owned, rented or what? If rented, let the landlord know about his threat, whether it's in your name or not. If it's owned and partly or wholly in your name, call the police. If it's solely in his name, then he's a muppet and tough shit if he makes the place a mess.

Well done for getting away, though.

nappyrat Tue 18-Apr-17 22:43:10

You are doing so well OP.

Stay strong.

You mustn't go back, you've done the hard bit.

Call women's aid, stay with relatives for a bit but don't go back.

What an amazing woman you are for doing this for your children
& you.

Joffmognum Tue 18-Apr-17 22:45:34

First off, well done for leaving. Could you afford to rent somewhere near the children's school? If so, look into that, starting now. If your mum lives near the school, ask if you can stay there until the lease starts if you can't find somewhere immediate.

If you can't afford it, or cannot find anywhere to live with a soon enough start, contact the council. They will not let your children be homeless, but may ask you try your friends/family in the area first, especially if they have a shortage.

They shouldn't make you return to a violent home. Any evidence of violence against you is great for your case, but your word should be enough. Dont be scared of getting social services involved. As long as they don't have a lot of evidence that you're not a competent parent, they will NOT take your children away.

Don't worry if they miss a bit of school for the sake of avoiding this violence. If they're doing GCSEs/A Levels then it's more important, but otherwise a week of school is not worth stressing about if you don't have a safe place to live.

Celeriacacaca Tue 18-Apr-17 22:46:12

Agree with Dartmoor re Women's Aid. They'll give you good advice. You've done the right thing for you and your DCs. Just deal with each day at a time.

CauliflowerSqueeze Tue 18-Apr-17 22:47:50

Love love love reading updates like this. A massive step forward for a peaceful and happy life. Good for you.

Joffmognum Tue 18-Apr-17 22:49:38

0808 2000 247 is the women's aid number if you haven't tried them already

ChocolateSherberts2017 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:51:24

Yes to all of the above and call school on Monday to say that you've separated because of your husband's violent behaviour. This is to prepare them in case he turns up at the school to take them away without your permission. I think you can apply to the court for some sort of order to prevent your partner taking your kids out of the country without your permission.

On a practical note, change the locks to the house when you return home. Leave your kids with your grain, take 1 or 2 male friends or relations to your home to collect stuff, call a locksmith and have the locks changed. Call the police on 101 and tell them that your husband has threatened you & your kids and that you are changing the locks and that you fear his reaction.

Women's Aid has lots of practical support

Nowitsover Tue 18-Apr-17 22:51:26

The house is owned by H. Even if both our names were on it I can't afford to live there with the DCs.
We can't really stay at my grandmother's as she lives in a one bed council bungalow so we just don't fit.

Frith2013 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:52:12

You could get an Occupation Order to make him leave the house so you can move back in.

Frith2013 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:53:06

Sorry, just seen your last post.

ilovelamp82 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:53:30

Well done you. Another one suggesting calling Womens aid for advice.

If he is threatening to trash the house, please don't go back there by yourself for any reason.

Astro55 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:53:38

The contact the council for emergency housing - where abouts did you live

Nowitsover Tue 18-Apr-17 22:56:04

I don't have any other friends or family I can stay with.
Thank you I will call women's aid tomorrow.

RedastheRose Tue 18-Apr-17 23:04:04

Yes call women's aid for practical advice, I also second, calling the police (you can make an informal report so that it is on record in case anything further happens in the future). Definitely, contact your local housing office and make an application for emergency housing in your children's school area. You have done fantastically well to be so strong for your children. Finally, contact a solicitor and take legal advice as to your rights to maintenance and the family home. Good luck

DogsKidsandchocolate Wed 19-Apr-17 00:18:25

Yes I also second calling women's aid, and your local housing office for emergency housing.
Also inform the school and see if they have any counselling type services for your DCs. I left my horrible exh years ago and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and the kids.
Stay strong it will be very tough but you will get there.

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