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Why can he not just back off?

(2 Posts)
Whathappensnowthen Tue 18-Apr-17 21:06:29

I previously posted about my situation and took on board the advice I was given on here. Brief summary - had been planning on leaving husband due to his issues with alcohol (mainly) but whilst getting finances etc in order I started a new job and ended up falling for a colleague.

Since then I have moved forwards with the separation and have sorted somewhere for the children and I to live. I have been looking for a new job (for obvious reasons) but have yet to find something that pays as well (in order to work I have high childcare costs). Anyway, my colleague and I have returned to being 'just' colleagues, which I found hard at first, but I know it is for the best. As far as I know, his wife remains blissfully unaware of our previous situation. He knew I was falling for him, we had some very frank conversations, but ultimately he said he had no intention of leaving his wife. However, he still messages me a lot. Not 'dodgy' messages or anything that you would consider inappropriate as such, but just work things, general things, like we're best mates or something. This I am finding hard to deal with as I struggled enough with him essentially rejecting me (fair enough, I was in the wrong too and didn't deserve any good to come of the situation) but why can't he see that this contact just makes things even harder for me? I have to be polite and courteous in the office, as I would with any other colleague, but given he knows how much I felt for him, why is he prolonging the agony? Perhaps I deserve this too, but I have backed off as much as I can.

JustSpeakSense Tue 18-Apr-17 21:13:33

Just start ignoring his messages and being unavailable when he tries to contact you.

Remain courteous at work.

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