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Post-separation advice and inspiration please

(12 Posts)
TooComplicated Tue 18-Apr-17 18:42:52

Hello, my DH and I have separated after more than 20 years together. I'm thinking about how to fill my time now (DC grown up and moved away). I have some great friends but they're all in long term relationships so don't have as much spare time as I do now. I wondered if there are any wise words out there for how I can get back out in the world as a single person and make some new friends, find new interests etc. I'd really like to be busy and start building a new life. I'm not looking for a new relationship or dating yet but some single friends and ideas of some new things to do would be great. Are there any apps just for chatting (not the x-rated stuff)? Any other tips for dealing with this very new change of circumstance are also welcome, I'm a bit lost. Thanks for any advice and inspiration.

TooComplicated Tue 18-Apr-17 20:10:56


Yoshimihere Tue 18-Apr-17 20:53:57

Hi. A little short on inspiration here - I'm making a pretty poor job of moving on! Similar length of relationship. My children are still young but i have a lot of free time.

I recently tried a "meetup". Have you checked out what's happening near you? I went to a lunch one. It's wasn't great but it was some sort of start. It reminded me of an office lunch out. A bunch of (nice) misfits having a friendly meal together! But at least it was doing something. There are lots happening where i live.

Good luck. Maybe this will bump your thread and someone more inspirational will come along!

pudding21 Tue 18-Apr-17 21:43:15

OP: sprry to hear about your separation. I am going through a similar thing and live in a foreign country. I go to a gym, which does loads of classes and I go to a cross fit class. The spirit of cross fit is you all encourage and help each other. While I haven't made any "friends" as such from this its regular (several different classes a day), you can start from nothing and improve your strength and fitness and have a laugh. Cross fit isn't for everyone, it can be quite extreme. Its addictive though. But how about another type of fitness class? Rock climbing, yoga, pilates, zumba? Or a book club, sewing or foreign language class, cooking class?

I also realized quite recently the key to getting through this is to be comfortable being on my own. The kids stay with EX once a week and every other weekend. So I have been taking myself off to the beach, or to the park and just sitting and watching the world go by and reading a good book. It has really helped. I think once you are comfortable in being alone, the rest comes naturally. Do you have any pets? Could you get a dog? I don;t, but I know dogs can be a great bonder if you see the same people out and about.

Or local mumsnet meets?

Mumfun Tue 18-Apr-17 21:50:12

What area roughly?

MidLifeCrisis2017 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:01:38

24 year marriage ended 7 years ago. I joined Meetup, for a dog, did evening classes, renovated two houses and I've just taken a sabbatical from work to travel round Europe on the rental income from my house.

If I wasn't going away I'd be volunteering somewhere like a museum or the local archives and maybe looking for one or two evenings work in a pub to meet people.

In an ideal world I'd have a lovely (live out) partner to go to the cinema with, go away occasionally and eat out/in, but I hated online dating and I've made a conscious decision to live for today.

Good luck!

MidLifeCrisis2017 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:03:02

That should have said "got a dog"!

noego Tue 18-Apr-17 22:14:01

Deep breath. Self enquiry. Everything I had done in my life had never brought me true happiness. Relationships, careers, cars, houses, holidays, clothes etc.
So decided to change direction completely. Went NC with ex and stuck to it been 5 years. Sold house. Downsized. No debt. Volunteered for 2 organisations. Found spirituality. Spent time discovering the person that used to be happy and innocent before being overwhelmed by the matrix. Found them and live free spirited. Found love on a different level. Have 5 DP's. Non monogamous. Poly. Open. Living free. Psychologically and physically free to do what I want. No guilt. No fear. No anxiety. Just simple living. Totally non conformist, unconventional and do give a fuck what people think smile
It takes a while to let go of the habitual thinking, but one day at a time and one day you wake up and feel great and the feeling hasn't left smile

pudding21 Tue 18-Apr-17 22:23:36

Noego: 5 DP' I like your thinking. I too am becoming more spiritual, I might think about volunteering. Essentially all the things he supressed in me.

Justbreathing Tue 18-Apr-17 22:25:54

Charity work? If you have a spare few hours a week,
Not in the same situation but just joined as a volunteer for young people and it's been really amazing
Helping to inspire people who have not had the same lucky breaks in life as me.

Hellothereitsme Tue 18-Apr-17 22:27:18

I learnt to run by joining a beginners running group. Have made so many friends all different ages. I couldn't run and didn't do any exercise before but needed to fill my time.

TooComplicated Tue 18-Apr-17 23:45:42

Some really great ideas here, thank you all! I'm definitely going to look into volunteering and I have signed up for a short Spanish course as a taster smile I've never heard of Meetup but I'll give that a try too. Also, good advice to be more comfortable being in my own - I actually used to be very good at that years ago!! And, of course, more time at the gym. Thanks again.

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