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Am I doing the right thing?

(8 Posts)
RolandSonOfSteven Tue 18-Apr-17 13:45:37

I've been lurking for a while but not yet had the courage to post. Hope this isn't too long, but don't want to drip feed.

I've been with my DP for almost 5 years, and we have a 3 year old DD. He's been a drinker since we started going out, which flew up some flags for me because I have had alcoholics in my close family. I let it go because it wasn't every night, it was only 1 or 2 small whiskeys and I know I'm oversensitive about alcohol. Over time it's become more and more, to where he and his father put away a bottle, sometimes 2 every night.

In November, I logged onto our shared computer and his Tumblr account was left open. He'd put something in his bio that set off an alarm bell and I googled it. Turns out it was his username for a hook up site. I confronted him and he claimed it was just a confidence boost, and anyway he was drunk. He deleted it and promised he'd stop drinking and get some help.

He didn't get the help, but did stop for a while. Then in February, he started drinking again. Last month, I was in bed with DD when he came up at about 3am. He woke DD and she got a bit upset so get got right in her face and screamed at her to shut up. I told him to pack it in, so he shoved me out of the bed and told me to get out. So I packed a bag and me and little one spent the next 2 nights in a hotel. At this time I got on the council list for a house.

He convinced me to come home, mostly because I had no where else to go. All my family live over an hours drive away and my mum is disabled anyway so doesn't need me on her doorstep! Since then he has been going to AA, but I again found messages on his phone to other women last week. He says he'll still do stupid things for "a while" because he's still in "drink fog".

Anyway, I have received a call today from the local Housing Association to go and view a house. I know the houses in the area and they're decent. I've accepted the viewing and will probably accept the property. I just need someone to tell me it's the right thing to do. My DSis despairs of me at this point, so I thought I'd ask strangers. I've been a real mug reading all this back, but I wanted me and my DD to be happy.

HmmOkay Tue 18-Apr-17 13:49:42

It is the right thing to do. Take the house. Your DD needs one decent parent. And that has to be you because your partner won't change.

Sorry. I know it is hard.

Florida28 Tue 18-Apr-17 14:01:54

As above^^ You've got to put you & DD first wink. Take the house and leave him to his "drink fog"

SillyLittleBiscuit Tue 18-Apr-17 14:08:45

Yep, accepting the house would definitely be the right thing. Will be the start of an amazing new period for you and DD. Good luck!

hellsbellsmelons Tue 18-Apr-17 14:23:36

You know it's the right thing to do.
You've put up with a serious amount of shite from your DP over the years.
Time now for you and your DD to start a lovely, addiction free life away from this slimy cheat!
Well done.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 18-Apr-17 14:24:30

He says he'll still do stupid things for "a while"
And this - NOPE
He'll keep doing stupid things because he gets away with it because he's had no consequences at all.
He won't change - EVER!

RolandSonOfSteven Tue 18-Apr-17 14:27:38

Thanks all. I know I have to do it, I'm just a bit scared and wanted someone to reassure me that I've given enough chances. Time for big girl pants.

Hellsbells I know it's bullshit, and you're right. he's had no consequences other than a couple of childfree nights. Not really a punishment!

muffintopsausage Tue 18-Apr-17 16:03:54

It's the right thing to do.

Do it.

He's being a nasty bastard to you and your daughter. You can do better.

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