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Called me a c*** as a joke

(42 Posts)
himynameis3017 Tue 18-Apr-17 07:19:08

New boyf and I had a really silly argument - not even relevant to what I need advice on
We sorted it and were ok, having a lot of a laugh I guess and he goes
Your a dickhead
So I go idiot
He went silly ass
I went nob
He then went cunt...

It really took me back so we ended up having a massive row!

Only been together a few months and things are good bar the odd argument nothing major
I know it sounds like I joined on with the ' joking around ' as he now calls it but I guess at the time was just going along with it

We arent really talking now

I've explained I hate that word and don't wanna be called it as a joke or not?! But as this has led into another argument and I've got upset
Just seems like I'm now the one in the wrong you know?

Am I right to feel upset or should I have just laughed it off?

Thanks for reading

pinkyredrose Tue 18-Apr-17 07:22:09

He sounds immature. You're in the first few months, you should still be in the honeymoon phase, not arguing.

Lessthanaballpark Tue 18-Apr-17 07:25:08

I would see if it happens again or if he's taken note.

Idiot and nob are significantly less harsh than dickhead and cunt but he may not be aware of your line. Now he is. See what he does.

pog100 Tue 18-Apr-17 07:25:13

I can just about see how he might have misjudged the use in the first place. People do have different attitudes to words and it was "jokey". However, his attitude after you told him your feelings is despicable and doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship.

himynameis3017 Tue 18-Apr-17 07:44:19

Hmm he is rather immature actually
Not to be horrible but he is a big kid
So no surprise there

We've now spoken this morning as I asked him to call me to try sort it out
I've explained why I thought it was horrible to call me that but he is still not happy and seems upset still
So yes I agree that is ridiculous

Just have to see how it goes as it's put a massive downer on this for me
We had such a lovely weekend and was ruined by him having this horrible argument and him not seeing my point where I got so upset

loveyoutothemoon Tue 18-Apr-17 07:58:23

Massive overreaction. After all, you were joking around, and you called him a knob! Chill a bit.

MrsRolandRat Tue 18-Apr-17 08:06:31

Overreaction on your part!

Plenty of people including women drop the C bomb. He just obviously didn't know that you draw the line at this!

I think if I were him I'd be wondering if you're the woman for him if you fly off the handle so easily.

Chill out.

Crumbs1 Tue 18-Apr-17 08:07:00

Sounds like you're both very young and immature. It's a word, just a word. You were both messing around.

TheNaze73 Tue 18-Apr-17 08:07:19

I think it's a massive over reaction on your part & if I was him, I'd think you were hard work. However, you can't argue a feeling & if you're upset, you're upset.

Emboo19 Tue 18-Apr-17 08:22:19

I think you overreacted, sorry! If you play around with name calling, you have to be willing to take it. I think the reason behind a word is far more important than the word itself, it doesn't sound like he was being nasty with it.

I think it's odd to be arguing a few months in though.

kateclarke Tue 18-Apr-17 08:26:59

I don't think you were over reacting. He was testing your boundaries and you quite rightly firmly set them. Well done, now you need to observe if he respects then, that will be the real test.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 18-Apr-17 08:29:44

He called you a dickhead first. You went along with it (with mild terms) to lessen the impact of that I imagine.

He's a nasty, childish idiot. Dump.

himynameis3017 Tue 18-Apr-17 08:30:49

Hmm funny the difference in opinion

Well interesting to get other people's views

On reflection I still stand by not wanting to be called a cunt in a jokey way - doesn't make me hard work and tbh it's the way he was with me after the argument so yeah I'm also thinking we shouldn't be arguing a few months in but guess that's another matter.

TheUpsideDown Tue 18-Apr-17 08:31:27

Sounds like an over-reaction imo. You were both playing around calling each other rude names. It just turns out he used a word you hate under any circumstances, which he wasn't aware of. Just tell him you don't care for that word, please don't use it again, even when joking around, and simply move on.

himynameis3017 Tue 18-Apr-17 08:32:51

Yes exactly I think people are missing the fact I didn't wanna start the name calling in the first place ?!

I'm not young nor immature and yes I did ' go along with it' when I wasn't comfortable in the first place!
He is rather immature which I've already said I've noticed
But to call your new girlf a cunt in a ' joke' nope sorry it's going to leave a bad taste in my mouth, can't help it

cushioncovers Tue 18-Apr-17 10:00:08

Cunt is an ugly horrible word imo and I would hate to be called that. However you were both bantering with immature insults and you said nob which led the insults to a genital theme so it's six of one.... imo

cushioncovers Tue 18-Apr-17 10:00:47

But yes he does sound immature.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 18-Apr-17 10:06:19

Well it's all about your personal boundaries isn't it really?

Me and DP call each others cunts all the time....in fact there is an excellent sketch about it.....

Casual Cunting

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 18-Apr-17 10:09:41

We call each other silly names all the time, but it's the way our relationship works for us, 8 years and c--o--unting of silly insults, fake fights and pretend offence.

It probably is childish, but if you are both on the same level it doesn't matter.

I have to admit from my point of view its an over-reaction.

ElspethFlashman Tue 18-Apr-17 10:10:14

Tbh regardless of the context, that word is enough to make me bin a new boyfriend.

A bloke who uses that word even jokingly is not the stuff of dreams, let's face it.

And actually a bloke who's idea of "banter" is "you're a dickhead" is just downright tiresome.

And furthermore, a bloke who sulks and keeps on sulking the next day despite the OP trying to explain in civilised fashion is really really off putting.

He'll sulk now till the Op apologises for having the audacity to not like the word cunt, wait and see. He's literally punishing her for it.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 18-Apr-17 10:12:36

But Elspeth I use cunt a lot more than my partner!

In my world it's just a word, like dick, or tosser, or fuck face cock womble!

In fact we use a million variations of slang for penis, all the time, and no one bats an eye, so why the pearl clutching over cunt specifically??

ElspethFlashman Tue 18-Apr-17 10:15:00

Surely it's enough that the OP hates it?

Let's not have this devolve into "I use cunt all the time so it must be ok and anyone who hates it is silly".

ElspethFlashman Tue 18-Apr-17 10:16:58

She has explained it to him twice. He's still not forgiving her. That's not on. She has the right to hate being called a provocative name.

He should be learning from this. Instead he's being a sulky baby.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 18-Apr-17 10:24:48

Yeah I get that, it is personal boundaries that are important here, and he is being a knob about it.

But I was responding to the posts basically sayng that any silly name calling between grown adults in a healthy relationship is immature and means the bloke should be sacked off immediately.

I was pointing out the other side- that our relationship works really well on this exact basis, and not every person who uses the word cunt is an insensitive wanker.

ElspethFlashman Tue 18-Apr-17 10:29:54

Tbh if there are kids in the house who could overhear, I don't think it's EVER acceptable, no matter how many comedy routines claim it is.

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