I need to convince him it's over

[Myloto1981]

We barely had a relationship even in the beginning. We were dating, I got pregnant very quickly and ever since then I've been 'trying' to make it work. Please don't be hard on me for this, but during the 4 years we had a second child. We only slept together once during that time, and of course the pregnancy was unplanned but I wouldn't change things now of course.

My children are my world and I would do anything for them. I've been living with their dad and despising him at the same time. I've tried to make myself love him, but I just don't. Every time I try to have a conversation with him about the fact we don't have a relationship and it isn't going to work, he acts as if I'm from another planet. He's actually amazed as he thinks we 'get along great' and that I must be a great actress to convince him otherwise. For me we are living as housemates who barely speak - when the kids are in bed I go to my room, he watches tv. I've told him all along my feelings and that I don't love him but I'm trying, but for some reason he chooses not to believe me.

He won't accept that we aren't in love, and accuses me of having mental health issues whenever I try to bring the subject up.

He will cry and be sick and sulk for days until I change my mind which is really unpleasant for the kids (he knows I will give in at that point).

I don't really know what to do. I need to end this as soon as possible. I'm exhausted and have pretty low resolve, and a lot of the time I think I can just manage to grin and bear it for however many years, which is why it never gets further than a row.

[vanrecovered]

What's the housing situation? Do you rent / own?

[Myloto1981]

We rent at the moment and it's just my name on the lease.

[user1469751309]

Didn't want to read and run but it sounds really hard for you OP. How are your finances mortgage looking ect if you were to split? It's very unfair of him to suggest you have MH issues just because you don't want to be with him any more. How old are the DC's I'm guessing 4 and under? Is there anyone you can stay with for a night or two just to give you a chance to clear your head?

[Myloto1981]

Thanks

It has been really hard, and I've even been questioning myself as to whether I do have depression or something. On paper he is a nice guy, fairly handsome, a good dad, does his share of housework etc. But I just don't love him. Then I think well how can I break up the family just because of something I feel (or don't feel). They love their dad. How can I force them to live apart from him.

The finances are fine, we would have enough money for him to rent a flat nearby.

[Myloto1981]

They are 1 and 3.

[Silverdream]

You need to just end it not just tell him your feelings. You need to set out a plan of what's going to happen and how it can happen and then tell him.
It's better for the family to be apart as this can't be a happy home.

[Myloto1981]

The problem is I'm the stronger one in the relationship (at least he perceives me as such). So whatever I say to him or suggest to him he says I am bullying him or being manipulative. Again it makes me question if I am or not.

[category12]

You don't need to persuade him it's over, you just end it.

You can tell him to leave, and as you're not joint tenants or married, he doesn't have a right to stay. Alternatively you could give notice to quit the tenancy and find somewhere else to live and move there, just you and the dc.