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I'm stuck and I can't move on.

(6 Posts)
Anonymoususer1938 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:02:05

I broke up with someone 6 months ago. It was a long on and off relationship and my ex kept breaking up with me. At the moment I feel stuck and constantly think about the relationship, break up and everything else associated with it. I'd like to stop doing this now and I want to get over them more then I want to get back with them. Here's what I'm currently doing well:

Been no contact for 4 months

Training for a marathon

Have quit drinking for last 5 months. ( if didn't really need to but thought I'd try it anyway)

Eat healthier
Taken up life drawing

Here's what I think I probably shouldn't be doing:

I constantly visit this forum and other relationship sites and read books about break ups. At first it was a useful crutch but I'm wondering now if it keeps it at forefront of my mind?

Still talk about ex at times to friends.

Went a bit mad with OD and Tinder. Lots of dates (though no sleeping around) thought it would build my confidence up, and it has a bit, but it also makes me feel sad and reminds me of ex as I make comparisons

I've developed a habit of compulsively checking my phone. Probably because of Tinder and checking this site. I can't seem to put it down and i think it's a negative thing.

What I'm not doing but probably should be:

Counsellling. But I really can't afford it.

Any thoughts or advice on above would be much appreciated.

sillywoman12 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:49:37

I haven't got any advice OP but didn't want to read and run as I'm in the same situation. I was with my ex for around 7 years - 2 of them being on off between me and OW. It's only been two weeks since it's finally ended. The only advice I have is do what your happy doing. You can't fast forwarded the healing process. If you wanna cry..then cry. If you wanna laugh then laugh. What are you thinking exactly? One day you'll wake up and feel stronger. Where about are you based? Your GP should be able to support with counselling

Anonymoususer1938 Mon 17-Apr-17 14:04:53

Thanks for your kind response and I hope you're feeling ok yourself.
I miss them and still have feelings even though I've been messed about a lot. I supppse it's like a constant stream of thoughts of the good times, the things thg went wrong, conversations, what they're doing now, do they think of me...all those things. I think I'm mentally strong in lots of ways such as the no contact, giving up booze and marathon training, but I don't seem to be able to crack this one and just stop thinking about my ex.

sillywoman12 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:23:41

I'm not going to lie and say I am..but I know I eventually will be. May be tomorrow or may be a year or few down the line. The problem I have and I can't say you have the same but may be one to consider is how high is your self-esteem. If I ask if you found someone else would you forget about your ex? If the answer is yes they it may just be attachment towards your ex your missing more than the memories etc. You may be in love with the idea of being with someone which your finding difficult. Work on yourself and self love to be happy alone..and only then will everything else fall into place. Well done for the NC it's a massive achievement. Look at how far you've gotten! You've done the major leg of the journey to move the rest will come with time.

Anonymoususer1938 Mon 17-Apr-17 16:50:44

Thanks for your encouragement. I think I half expect ex to get in touch at some point so it's on my mind. In past there's been a couple of times when they got back in touch after 6 months. I've been a fool for allowing ex back in but I recognise that. With regards self esteem, I don't think mine is particularly low or high. I have the usual insecurities. I really have no intention of breaking my no contact as I'd like to think I have a modicum of self respect. Would just like some peace of mind. I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong that's keeping me stuck like this?

sillywoman12 Mon 17-Apr-17 18:14:30

Maybe it's hoping your ex calls? The one thing I found helped me in this was to change my number..block off all social media and tell all mutual friends and family he could talk to that I don't want to know. You've got hope that he comes back and he may or he may not..but how long will you wait till you see your putting your life on hold while the worlds moving forward? This time you've got holding on in some ways you will never get back need to let go. Read articles on this and self healing..I started believing more in my faith and crystals..I've done some funny stuff from this relationship but it has helped..believed in new moon wishing's a self discovery process to see what helps you let go..and it won't be within one's being mindful and practically like a full time job

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