Dd is 12, 13 in july. A lovely, kind, intelligent girl who I am extremely proud of.
I split from her dad after abuse when she was tiny, about 4 months old and moved back to my mums 100 miles away. Ex is from Scotland originally but lived near my home town when we met via work. Both moved for work with the same company then I got pg. Accidentally but there was never any doubt I would have the baby.
Anyway fast forward 12 years. Dd sees her dad eow usually. Court ordered contact from 9 years ago. I never denied contact he just needed the piece of paper to show the then CSA . I have been NC with him due to abuse since the last hearing. Mum has done all the handovers until recently when I have started letting dd get the bus to town to meet him as it saves me a 16 mile round trip through friday teatime traffic with 3 year old ds.
Her dad hasn't worked for years and doesn't pay anything towards her. Fair enough though it grates a little. He is now kicking off at dd because he has to pay his busfare from town where she meets him back to his place as dd refuses (quite rightly) to walk the 4 miles mainly uphill. I give her the busfare she needs from school to town, then town to his place.
He has said I should pay his busfare as well as it's my fault I am too lazy to drop her off at my mums. Which is walking distance (about 1.5 miles) from his.
On top of that he says that me and dd have ruined his life and if it wasn't for having to live here to see dd he would be a successful businessman living in london.
He is currently signed off sick with Chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic headache syndrome. Which he has said is stress related and that it's the additional worry of having to find his busfares to collect dd from town that isn't helping.
It's really not like dd to open up to me about him and what he does/says. She is very loyal to him. She still wants to see him but doesn't want to do the eow for 2 nights. But doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
I suspect he is depressed and also suspect he is being emotionally abusive to dd. Whether that is because he is depressed or ill or just a cunt I am not sure. He is insanely jealous of everything we have.
I need to support dd in reducing contact but still maintaining a relationship with him. She still wants to see him but not nights. Not even 1 night I don't think. She would be happy to see him for a few hours and then come home.
I have said it is entirely up to her how she does this. She has said she will tell him she has an afterschool club on friday and then wants to go to a local youth club after so won't be able to go friday. But she really doesn't want to go Saturday night either.
How can I help a 12 year old drastically reduce contact with her dad who will likely take it out on her? And also the contact is court ordered. I don't think he has the money to take me back to court but he would if he could. Sigh.
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How can I help dd with this?
Frouby · 17/04/2017 09:29
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