Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Needing advice?!

(13 Posts)
Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:22:51

Hi, I've never posted anything online before but I really need some advice and I can't ask anyone I know, so I'm hoping this is anonymous?! I currently live with my inlaws and my partner and our little one, we've been saving to buy a house (although this seems to not be happening) we've been here a lot longer then we've planned, recently my partner has been mean and just awful to live with, I put a big smile on as we live with his parents but I don't think I can take it any longer, I've no family in the area and if I leave I know it'll be with nothing, car in his name ect but what would I even do? Go? Talk to? I work and family could help me financially if I asked for a little while..I don't know what my next step would be?

Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 14:29:59

I'm not sure I've posted this correctly as no one has replied, I've been looking online and haven't found any answers, does anyone have any ideas please

pallasathena Mon 17-Apr-17 14:32:49

Speak to your family and ask them to help you with a deposit for a rental. Book a couple of weeks off work to give yourself time to sort out all the logistics involved and be determined, brave, focused and resolved that there's no gain without a bit of pain. This is the painful time but I promise you, it will get better.
Check out 'Entitled to'. online. You may be able to access tax credits/benefits as a single parent. And you need to access the free half hour offered by family solicitors.
You are legally entitled to joint savings OP. You work, you've contributed financially and your solicitor will also advise you to file for maintenance for your little one.
Good luck and don't let anyone change your mind about leaving. It will be hard at first but you will survive and in a little while discover that you and your child are actually thriving away from such a toxic atmosphere. But you have to be strong.

Bluntness100 Mon 17-Apr-17 14:36:06

Have you spoken your partner about his change in attitude? What does he say? And what do you mean the savings aren't happening, why not?

pallasathena Mon 17-Apr-17 14:43:17

Another option would be to get a bank loan to cover the costs of renting, purchasing furniture, buying a used car if family can't help out.
If the situation domestically is dangerous, then you need to contact Women's Aid and the Police.
If he is using threatening behaviour then you must inform the police. Threatening behaviour can quickly escalate and become serious and you cannot allow that to happen.
I'd grab my child, an overnight bag, call parents, call work to explain situation and get myself to parents right now. You are in an impossible situation...he seems to have all the assets, all the power and you have none. Temporarily that is.

Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:13:28

My dad could help me if I asked but I just feel silly running to daddy as soon as I'm in trouble but I would do that if needed, I've no shame! He works full time I work 4 days, his contract is finishing at his current work soon and he hasn't looked for other work, this is the 3rd time since our little one was born so everything we save is needed once his out of work to continue paying the bills, I have tried to talk to him many times but it comes back to being my fault! Which I no it is not, it's not me! We get working tax credits (only a little bit where his in and out of work) would I need to contact them as that goes into his account and I don't see any of it? Where would I look for a place that would take help of benefits would there be a website? I wouldn't be able to afford it all on my wage alone so would need help, I just feel a bit stuck at the moment, he isn't physical at all so we aren't unsafe I just can't put up with the moods anymore and being told I'm constantly stupid and thick ect I haven't told anyone any of this so would feel embarrassed to go to my family, his family are aware of what is going on although it's always done in our room or living room as his mum always asks if I'm ok once he has gone out, and tells me there is no reasoning with him ect! I do love him, I just don't like him anymore!

Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:18:04

Also I told him I was going to stay with my sister so today he has taken the car to work with him, the car is legally his in his name but I transfer him the money for t each month! (Stupid me I know) which stupidly has my bag in with my purse so I can't go anywhere today, I'm back to work tomorrow too, I just want to know I can leave and have a plan to leave!

LucyJ1971 Mon 17-Apr-17 15:43:11

HI, new to MumsNet but always heard good things about this online advice/support group!
My daughter is in year 8 at the local high school. She suffers from anxiety. Year 7 was really hard for her, the school is massive, primary to secondary is a huge step and very daunting.
A friend who is a counsellor said she had social and performance anxiety, very common in school children and fingers crossed it will pass. Erin saw the school counsellor for 2 sessions and that was it, no feed back ever. On the waiting list again, she felt comfortable with her and have asked school to refer her again.
Her anxiety has recently flared up massively again, due to several issues, the one being friendship groups and the main one being bullied on/off for a few months. Its resorted into cyber bullying mainly. She is terrified to go to school. Her attendance has dipped and the fear of school tomorrow is very real. I have decided not to send her, inform school properly and arrange a meeting to discuss the fact that I taking her out of their school and home schooling, temporarily I hope. Maybe start back in September. Not really sure how it all works.
Also taking her to our GP to ask for CAMHs referral, as concerned about her mental health with the things she says. Heartbreaking.
So what I am wondering is, does anyone have any Home Schooling advice/info. I understand I need to contact our local council after speaking to school.
Have thought about moving schools, feel that at the moment the anxiety needs dealing with first, plus I fear that moving towns to move schools is more anxiety inducing.
Ordered her some workbooks from Amazon to keep her brain busy. Its heartbreaking on all levels. When at school she enjoys the lessons and is succeeding across all subjects.

rizlett Mon 17-Apr-17 15:50:29

Hi Lu - look on the gov.uk website for information about benefits - also abusive relationships are not just physical - its not right for someone to call you names either.

Talk to your Dad - see what he says. There is no shame in ending a relationship - but its a waste to continue if its not right for you and your little one.

Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 17:53:00

Thank you smile

isitjustme2017 Mon 17-Apr-17 18:00:39

Hi Lu - yes check the tax credit calculator on the government website and also entitledto.com. You will get tax credits and you might be surprised how much you get. Do you have to pay for childcare?
Plan ahead - find out what you will get from tax credits, sit down and work out what you can afford, then ask family to help with a deposit. Don't feel stupid doing that - its not just you but your little one. If he is still working (or gets another job) he will also have to pay you child maintenance!!

Lu223 Mon 17-Apr-17 21:11:27

I pay £100 a week for childcare my little one does 2 days a week at nursery, think that's why we get working tax credit as we didn't before she went nursery, that goes into his account so I will have to ring them and explain ect I know my dad will help me with a deposit as we are supposed to be getting married next year which he was paying for, so it'll actually save him money! His come home tonight hasn't said one word to me unless it was to do with our child, now I'm sitting in our room watching little one (2) sleep whilst his in front room playing PS4 and his family are in the other living room, I feel so alone, feel I'd rather live alone because at least then would make sense that I'm lonely, and I wouldn't just have to sit in the bedroom, thanks for all your help everyone smile

user1471553214 Mon 17-Apr-17 21:17:38

Lucy you need to start your own thread and the education topics may be more useful place. Good luck.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now