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engaged to be married next year but I'm lonely .. HELP!

9 replies

scottishsenorita · 17/04/2017 00:50

I've been with my fiancé 4/5 years, engaged for 1 & marry next year. A year ago we bought our first house & were so happy but the last couple of months I've felt so lonely & unhappy. I can't deny he does so much for me but I still feel this way. There is 7 years age difference but I feel I am the mature one. I never feel butterflies or want to cuddle him or have sex. I do love and care for him but i just feel there isn't a spark anymore. I did recently tell him but he got annoyed & couldn't understand why & said he would do anything not to lose me but nothing has changed! Is this normal or should I leave? We also have mutual friends so it's hard for me to speak to anyone about it....

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Imafuckingidiot · 17/04/2017 00:55

Do you think there's a reason you've lost interest?

Do you think it might be recoverable?

Do you want it to be recoverable?

I don't think it's normal to marry someone you don't want to have sex with or show any affection to. But if everything was fine and dandy until 2 months ago it would seem rash to call it all off now.

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Valentine2 · 17/04/2017 01:01

Sorry you are feeling like this.
Have you been able to pin point a reason for this? If this is a sudden change, it might be an option to get yourself checked for depression?
I have been there, done that.

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scottishsenorita · 17/04/2017 01:09

I don't know.. I don't fancy him anymore. I'm just not sure honestly. I totally agree & if I was given advice I would say the same thing. Nothing has happened for me to suddenly feel like this, maybe we are just in a routine. We do have a laugh etc but it's feels like friends but it's just sad he doesn't understand why I feel like this.. I don't either. Maybe I've just fallen out of love with him?!

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scottishsenorita · 17/04/2017 01:21

It also scares and saddens me the thought of walking away.

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Imafuckingidiot · 17/04/2017 01:22

Don't marry him if you feel like this.

If you want it to work then hold fire on booking anything more wedding wise, work on spending more time together and see how you feel in another couple of months.

Whatever you do, don't marry someone you're not that in to. If it's gone, it's gone.

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user1486956786 · 17/04/2017 01:53

Do you think you are just a bit bored, not of him but maybe just life? You've gone through excitement of engagement and house buying and maybe that excitement has worn off. Sometime I get a bit bored with my life and naturally direct it towards my relationship when really it's me with the issue. Maybe work out if the issue is your life in general or is it actually him? Perhaps you need to make an effort to do some different things together? Go stay in hotel for a night? Go on a day trip somewhere? I always feel better if me and my partner go explore something new. It's worth trying for, you've made it this far (but don't marry yet if you really are having doubts).

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peukpokicuzo · 17/04/2017 01:58

Don't marry him.

It might be normal to get to an asexual friendship/affection type relationship after 20 years of marriage but it shouldn't start out that way.

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Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2017 03:18

Do NOT marry him if you feel this way. Your inner voice is trying to tell you something, and the time to listen is NOW, not after the mess of getting married. The breakup will be hard for a bit you will be so happy you did the right thing.

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scottishsenorita · 17/04/2017 11:20

Thanks guys! il have another chat with him, try figure out my own happiness. I feel guilty every time I look at him & really I don't have anything to be guilty of!