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My mum

(5 Posts)
millionsardines Mon 17-Apr-17 00:15:08

I was brought up by a mum and dad that were completely unable to show any love, obviously I turned out to be a basket case, in fact I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression since my mid twenties, I'm now 46, my dad died from cancer 3 years ago, and I was shocked to find out that my mum was not caring for my dad, I went home once to find him lying on the floor on bits of old plastic sheet, incontinent, and dehydrated, my mum didn't call the doctor or ambulance because, wait for it, she didn't want the neighbours to see ! That really shook me, and made me very angry. When he died I was at his bed side, I called an undertaker, my mum was worried about what the neighbours would think. Months later I got my mum a dog to keep her company, she said she wanted one, I later found out that she never walked it, or showed it any affection, and it had to go back to pet rescue, it was only then I realised she was devoid of any love. Ideally I wish I never had to see or speak to her again.

The last 12 months I have had severe episodes of depression, last winter I was considering suicide, and I was left at home with no water, heating or food by the NHS mental health services, they couldn't care less, I didn't speak to my mum for weeks, usually I phone her once a week, she hasn't called me and I'm now wondering if I should just leave her on her own, she lives 4 hour train journey away from me, I find it a waste of time and a chore making the trip.

mumsonthelash Mon 17-Apr-17 01:25:54

Oh my you poor thing. The first thing I thought is that you keep expecting her to change and quite clearly she cannot.
She sounds very strange and probably has mental health problems of her own.
You seem to be crying out to her in vain.
You need to reframe this in your mind which is easier said than done and try to love yourself.
I'm so sorry you didn't have the love you deserved.

noego Mon 17-Apr-17 08:40:13

You have reached out to your parents all your life and it has never been reciprocated and it has never made you happy. Time for change in direction. Go in the opposite direction. After all what harm can it do you?

ICESTAR Fri 21-Apr-17 13:19:27

I just want to say I hope you come back to post. I am so sorry the mental health services let you down. Have u ever had counselling? Not the talking type. More of a cbt/talking. Psychotherapy may help you. If not acceptance and commitment therapy called act. I was referred by go for free 21 sessions. It helped me so much. Can you go to your gp and sk for referral for such services? None of this is your fault. You are worthy and you have value. If you ever find yourself in such dire straits again, please contact adult social services. Since you were vulnerable with your mental health, they may have had the facilities to help you. They may come under your local council. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to pm me.

You can do this. Your mother is not you. Break the cycle. With therapy, you maybe able to learn to love yourself. She is too broken to love anyone. It's awful when you do not get what you need from your parents but she cannot give it to you. Hopefully in time, you can give it to yourself instead. Best of wishes to you. flowers

CaulkheadNorth Fri 21-Apr-17 14:54:10

I highly recommend psychotherapy because it's bloody brilliant and being no contact. I never imagined things would be as good as are now.

You can get past what happened.

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