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Tell me about how your life changed for the better.

(14 Posts)
Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 20:56:59

Is there anyone who was a single mum, not much of a social life, who eventually had more family and a better social life...?

Starting again from scratch (I've talked at length about it on here) and feeling lonely again tonight. Fb full of families out and about enjoying Easter - I was at home alone while DD was off at her dads and his family. Im starting again from scratch with friendships too, only have one friend and ever so slowly getting amongst people again.

Feel Id like to hear some positive stories if anyone has them...?

Knittedfrog Sun 16-Apr-17 21:00:40

Sorry, no positive stories.
Just wanted to say it sounds like I'm in a very similar situation regarding friends and family.
Feeling very alone and lonely right now.
Just wanted to say I hope everything works out and your life becomes filled with people eventually. Hang in there.

Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 21:04:47

Oh I hope the same for you Knittedfrog, it isn't easy is it.
When I look back over my twenties and teens, I had similar "lean" phases but just seemed to get on with it, and then my life did fill up again (not in a great way, when I look back! But you live and learn).
For some reason I can't stop worrying about it now.

jeaux90 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:06:16

Hey Teepish. Being a lone parent is hard sometimes. I'm a single parent so don't have much completely alone time but I do remember the really lonely patches.

I took up a couple of new things a couple of years back, swimming, Pilates etc just to make sure I felt like I was looking after myself . Sounds silly but I take long showers, when dd 8 is asleep, nice moisturiser.

I build up new movies and want to watch and I used to try and OLD a bit.

A new hobby where you get to socialise a bit....don't laugh but something like the WI or tennis club.

I also started fresh somewhere 5 years ago and slowly made a few friends.

Would force myself to go down the pub for a pint or two on my own.

Those kind of things.

I rarely feel lonely nowadays. I did meet someone after being alone 6 years, a fairly recent thing. Taking it slow.

My career was my saving grace through the difficult times

Xxxx

sniffle12 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:06:39

I haven't been single for a while and am not currently so hopefully others will be along with positive stories, but as someone in a good relationship, but that still has its constant challenges and compromises, I'm surrounded by friends and family who are either getting divorced, or sticking together for the sake of not being alone even though the relationship has turned toxic. So remember that what you see on Facebook is probably not the reality of half those relationships.

See a fresh start as an opportunity. No toxicity, no keeping dead friendships going out of sentimentality - just the ability to choose to invite people into your life who enrich it and add joy to it. Good luck to you smile

idontwanttobehere Sun 16-Apr-17 21:09:52

It's hard, isn't it?

I think it's about putting yourself out there. I find it very difficult as I don't go out as much anymore as friends are setfled and I don't have the will to do big nights out anymore.

Once things settle down here I've promised myself I'll say yes to everything, I'll instigate meetings, I'll attend everything. I think it's the only way.

Good luck,

Cat2014 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:13:26

ExH and I separated a year ago. He has dc about 45 percent of the time. Before I met current dp I would fill the time working, doing sporting activities that I always used to do, going out with friends/dating, meeting new people, basically instigating evenings out with current friends and acquaintances who I had lost contact with, and saying yes to every invitation possible!
It's hard but it does get easier.

Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 21:14:14

Hello jeaux90, you've wrote lovely replies to me before smile
I've got a couple of fitness hobbies on the go and a good job with nice colleagues, so its a decent start. I'm only just starting to get to know the actual me - and not the fake me that morphed into something I though my H might prefer - so already being more assertive.
Best of luck to you, I hope this new relationship brings you a lot of happiness smile
Hello sniffle, yes I totally forget the fb facade when feeling low. It hasn't even been a year since I separated so thats still early days, isn't it. Feels like a decade sometimes. Thankssmile

Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 21:18:11

Oh dear I've been doing the opposite and being more picky about where I go and who with! A side effect of having to attend things that I really didn't want to for years, I think.
I had a night out recently and it fell flat because I don't really drink and could spot idiots a mile off (had no interest in being chatted up).
Perhaps I'm still not ready!?

Frazzle76 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:19:34

It's better to make friends slowly and have people that will support you and are kind to you. You only really need 10 good friends in life otherwise the friendships can be too hard to maintain to the same level. I've had an awful couple of years and it's thinned my friends out but the ones who are still there are worth it! Remember to be kind to yourself and be picky about who you surround yourself with.
Sending lots of love xx

Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 21:22:11

I learned this Frazzle, years and years ago I remember someone told me friendships are always better when they grow "organically", ie naturally and without haste.
Thanks my love.

jeaux90 Sun 16-Apr-17 22:25:55

Hey Teepish almost a year. It's a very short amount of time.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things though and if you don't feel like socialising then don't. I didn't much the first 18 months after I left.

Go easy on yourself, you had a tough time, the lone time is actually really beneficial longer term, you get comfortable in your own skin etc

Glad you are looking after yourself (I also have an aversion to idiots so don't beat yourself up) big hug, sounds like you are doing ok to me xxx

Teepish Sun 16-Apr-17 22:29:37

Thanks again jeaux, im feeling a lot better after writing it all down. flowers]

Teepish Wed 19-Apr-17 21:17:27

Dd is away with her dad for a couple of days and I've really missed her today. Felt so lonely.
I know its because I dont have enough going on in my life. I have too many lonely evenings and weekends but can't think of what else to do with myself confused sometimes I get so emotional I dont want to be around people, and sometimes I'm desperate to be amongst them.
I've cried a lot today.

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