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Ghosting?

(39 Posts)
justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 17:46:42

First time poster so please be gentle! smile

I started seeing someone earlier this year, we worked together for three years and it took a while to develop as he is quite shy and to be honest probably a bit socially awkward.

Anyway our relationship only really started after I left my old job as I think he thought it was his last chance to do something about it. He was very affectionate and enthusiastic, he made me feel wonderful. He went out of his way to see me and vice versa.

I saw him last Saturday, we spent a few hours together just relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We have slept together a handful of times now.

Since last Saturday he has been a bit off, nothing I can particularly put my finger on, he has just not been his normal self. I last spoke to him on Thursday afternoon and we said we would catch up again on Friday. I haven't heard anything since. I know he has had a busy weekend planned but it's so unusual to hear absolutely nothing.

This wouldn't bother me if it was anyone else but he has always been very attentive and talks to me throughout the day - 'how is your day going?' etc. I sent him a message yesterday asking if everything was ok as I hadn't heard from me. Zero response.

I can handle being ghosted but it seems such a leap to go from talking all the time, seeing each other at every opportunity to then have absolutely nothing and no explanation why. Also ghosting is really not his style as he is very honest and I would think if he wasn't feeling it anymore he would tell me.

Please help me to understand as this is really bugging me!

Yoksha Sun 16-Apr-17 17:51:12

Is he alright health wise OP?

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 17:54:12

Yes he is an ex smoker but no health issues as far as I'm aware...

isitjustme2017 Sun 16-Apr-17 17:55:38

Could he have possibly met someone else? He maybe doesn't have the courage to tell you.
Other possible explanations are that he has actually lost/broke his phone.
I hate silly games like this. I would just ring him and ask him outright if he's gone cold on the relationship and if so, just tell you straight.
If he is socially awkward, like you say, he may have problems expressing himself.

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 17:59:09

I would be very surprised if he had met someone else that quickly considering it took him years to tell me he liked me but I guess it's a possibility!

I thought about the phone situation as I know he was having some problems with messages coming through last weekend (I saw one message from one of his friends come through about 100 times) so another possibility. The only other way we have of communicating is emailing using work emails but I'm not back until Tuesday now.

Thanks isitjustme, I hate this too. I would be ok if he just told me and I could move on, but I'm stuck in this awful limbo!

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sun 16-Apr-17 18:10:25

I'm sorry but yes seems he is ghosting you. I would put him back to the back of your mind as much as you can. Whenever I've thought someone is ghosting me - they have been. It's never come back that they were ill/had phone issues/million other reasons.
It was always that they had decided they just were not into me and didn't want to say so. Or wanted to keep me on back burner whilst they explored opportunities with someone else but didn't want to ditch me entirely just in case.

isitjustme2017 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:10:26

Why don't you just call him then? Life is too short to mess about second guessing. If it is his phone, you will feel better that you were worrying about nothing. If he has gone cold on you, you know the truth and can move on. Good luck!

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 18:16:47

Thank you PamDoove I have never done so much in a weekend before, trying to keep myself busy and not think about it!

I think I'm going to have to give him a call isitjustme. I know he was busy with his family today so will try tomorrow as even if he is ghosting me I want to give him some space.

Just wish this dating lark wasn't so tough, I really thought I was onto a winner here. I feel so embarrassed after being so into him. blush

isitjustme2017 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:23:09

Well if he is ghosting you, he is not worth it. Its not a nice thing to do to someone and makes him a total coward. You deserve better than that.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sun 16-Apr-17 18:36:21

I wouldn't call him. If he doesn't answer his phone then you still will be none the wiser and will just feel worse.

I would literally never contact him again and see if you hear from him. He knows you think something is up but he still didn't reply to your text.
His no answer was your answer I'm afraid x

twattymctwatterson Sun 16-Apr-17 18:38:24

Honestly? Block and delete. You'll never receive a satisfactory explanation dmso stop torturing yourself

DevelopingDetritus Sun 16-Apr-17 18:51:29

Sorry you're going through this, it's shit it really is. Try and think to yourself better it happen now than further down the line. I wouldn't contact him again now, once is more than enough. He's a coward, he's not worth anymore of your time. You are too good for him. Onward and upwards. Best wishes.

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 19:14:53

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your kind words. I will leave it now and not bother contacting him again.

I know deep down you're all right that I'm better off without! It's just difficult to put into practice and be as strong as that as there is always that part of you that wants closure and wants to know what really happened and why he went off you. But I will go for a run, listen to some music and do my best to shut out the insecurities that I just wasn't good enough.

DevelopingDetritus Sun 16-Apr-17 19:24:31

I think to myself, they've got serious personal issues if they treat others like this, especially to people that have been nothing but good to them. They're weak minded with no integrity.

summerfling Sun 16-Apr-17 19:34:09

Sorry this has happened to you op, it's so much harder when there's no closure!

My ex ghosted me & I was pregnant with his child! hmm (November 2016)

Only 2 days ago did I finally get closure!

Keep yourself busy & try not to think about him flowers

outmyhair Sun 16-Apr-17 19:35:01

justyourstandardusername this happened to me very recently. all going really well for months and then... he just disappeared. it's shit. I don't have any advice but I do have these flowerscakewine

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 20:26:17

Thank you everyone. You're all so kind.

I do have a bit of a bombshell, I feel bad for dumping this here but I don't want to create a new thread.

I found out an hour ago I'm pregnant...what on earth do I do now?

TimidLividyetagain Sun 16-Apr-17 20:32:25

Call him and say. Why should i go through that yourself

BifsWif Sun 16-Apr-17 20:34:41

How do you feel about the pregnancy? What do you want to do? Be clear on that before you contact him.

DaemonPantalaemon Sun 16-Apr-17 20:37:38

Well, now that is a reason to call him! Were you really not using protection in this new relationship???

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 20:38:23

Bifs I really don't know. The timing is poor and this isn't exactly a stable relationship to bring a child into. But they are all logical thoughts. I don't know emotionally how I feel about it. It's a shock.

twattymctwatterson Sun 16-Apr-17 20:39:01

Do you want this baby? In your circs I would probably terminate but that's entirely personal and there's no right and wrong answer. If you decide to go ahead let him know you're pregnant but be prepared to go it entirely alone. Sorry you are going through this flowers

justyourstandardusername Sun 16-Apr-17 20:45:39

Daemon we were using condoms.

Thank you twatty I think I need to clear my head and think about what I want. I'm all over the place right now and don't want to call him until I know what to say.

user1490817136 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:49:00

Have you phoned him? Might be as simple as him not getting your messages or you not recieving his replies.

summerfling Sun 16-Apr-17 21:54:36

Don't contact him until you've got your thoughts together.

You need time to process this, do you have children already??

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