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No contact when partner is home.

(11 Posts)
Goandplay Sun 16-Apr-17 11:45:06

I am surrounded by people that no one can contact them when their partners are at home.

First person: My sister will respond to texts hours and hours later if her DH is home, so evenings and weekends. She will not be available almost ever to do anything or go anywhere and you are not welcome to visit. However when her DH is at work then she will invite you round and call and text. Yesterday I called her and sometime later my DD (her niece) wanted to FaceTime and no reply or even a text to wonder what we wanted or if we were ok etc.

My friend: Will cancel plans at the drop of a hat if her DH turns up home unexpectedly or offers to take her for lunch. This would be forgivable if it didn't happen often and her DH worked lots but he is in and out of their home most of the day. Yesterday she asked if I wanted to meet her, I was getting ready with my DD and she then cancelled with 5 minutes notice because her DH didn't want her to go out.

My friend living long distance away: Any texts etc that are sent evenings or weekends will be responded to during the day when her DH is at work.

DP's friend: He has openly said not to contact him on Sunday's because they are days he solely spends with his DW.

Does anyone else do this, have friends like this? It makes me want to purposely not be free when their DH's are at work.

Shayelle Sun 16-Apr-17 11:48:08

I wouldnt bother being friends with someone who frequently cancels at the drop of a hat. Why do you bother with them?

Goandplay Sun 16-Apr-17 12:19:22

I have distanced myself a number of times and each time she has said what's happened? I have explained and it's gone back to normal, or she makes lots of effort and I feel unreasonable.
I think I have also felt like her DH is unreasonable and I don't want them to argue, but recently I asked for her help and she lied about being busy. I would have preferred her saying no I can't instead of lying.

I do think this friendship has run it course.

WamBamThankYouMaam Sun 16-Apr-17 12:41:05

I think cancelling plans at the drop of a hat is out of order.

But honestly I hate this notion of having to be available 24/7. I'll respond to someone when I want to, I spend my time with my partner actually with him and don't want to be mithered by text messages and emails.

Aside from that I value my space and privacy and I switch all notifications off in the evening.

SparklingRaspberry Sun 16-Apr-17 12:53:16

I think cancelling plans is pretty rude

But I also think expecting me to reply is also rude

If I'm having a day with my partner, I am not going to spend my time on my phone.

Unless it's important or an emergency, it can wait.

Mum4Fergus Sun 16-Apr-17 13:42:21

On the limited communication piece...I do this confused if I'm at home or out n about with DS and/or DP. Between work and school quality time is rare so I don't want to spend it on my phone messaging, same goes for FB, Mumsnet and the likes. I've all notifications silenced unless it's a phone call from one of 4 'favourite' numbers I have stored...DP does the same. It's not a slight on the people we know, just that other things are far more important to us ...

Goandplay Sun 16-Apr-17 13:45:59

I know you are right. I feel the same way - just not today if that makes sense. My frustration lies with the cancelling friend which has made me bundle them all together. It mostly doesn't bother me.

I feel like I make myself available and that is all my issue. I shouldn't be so available because it makes me resent that I am available and others aren't. I know I am unreasonable for feeling like this.

Just one of those days.

Goandplay Sun 16-Apr-17 13:47:54

Mum4Fergus I think you post makes me realise what the issue is. I am not important enough to make the cut. With my sister that hurts, because she does in my life.

You're right to be that way. Much better to be in the moment or on your phone.

Shayelle Sun 16-Apr-17 16:23:45

It would anyone feel crap having a flakey friend who cancels plans with no notice. Its not nice and she sees you as dispensable. Nice friends dont do that.

BarryTheKestrel Sun 16-Apr-17 19:25:17

Its annoying. I try to respond to people in a timely manner but if I'm busy, out, having a conversation, doing something I'll generally see a message or call, ignore it intending to respond when I'm done and then forget. My DH works in retail and his days off are usually my working days so when we have a rare day together I won't be on my phone. The few hours after DD has gone to bed the few days a week when either one of us isn't doing something else, are our time to catch up because we rarely see each other despite what people outside our relationship may think.

Last minute cancelling of plans isn't on though.

Livelovebehappy Sun 16-Apr-17 21:09:39

I agree it's out of order cancelling plans at the last minute on a regular basis. But I also agree with others re the answering texts etc. I'm slow at texting anyway, so if I get into a text conversation when I'm out it's really awkward having to stop what I'm doing to text back and forth; it can take me forever to just do one sentence! (I don't do abrieviations or text speak - everything's in full). I also feel rude if I'm with someone and texting on my phone anyway.

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