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Is this ghosting?

(10 Posts)
Eggsellent Sun 16-Apr-17 10:03:50

Being deliberately vague here but I would really appreciate some insight if anyone has any. I feel like my extended family (m,f, siblings and stepparents) cba with me anymore, contact is only ever one way and if I don't contact them I never hear from them. I have just seen on Facebook that my dm, dsf, dbs, and gps are spending the day together and having a roast dinner, we were not invited. Dm knows that dh, dcs and I will be at home this Easter with no visitors or plans to go anywhere. Over the past few years this has happened a lot and it hurts but when I have spoken to them about it dm says I'm being oversensitive. It was my birthday last week and dm sent a card and present in the post but she has not mentioned coming to visit or inviting me to visit them so it seems like this is the extent of the relationship she wants with me. We live a 2 hour drive away but both have cars and have travelled to see each other previously. There have been no arguments that I am aware of so I don't understand it but it seems that every time I speak to any of them I find out about something else they did together that I wasn't part of and I am beginning to feel like I need to cut them off so that I don't have to keep experiencing that although that seems extreme. Does anyone have any experience of this?

AnUnhappyStudent Sun 16-Apr-17 11:08:38

The same has happened to me this weekend and things like this have been happening for some time. I am now at the point of going NC as I have tried to talk to them about it and rather than working towards a resolution they continue to lie.
I just can't put up with feeling like crap every other month. Hope you manage to sort it out flowers

Eggsellent Sun 16-Apr-17 11:48:38

Thanks AnUnhappyStudent, sorry the same thing is happening to you. It's horrible isn't it? thanks I'm thinking about NC too but it's really not what I want. I wish I could have a good relationship with them where I felt wanted and welcome but it doesn't seem like thats possible and seeing all these things pop up on Facebook feels like salt being rubbed in the wound. DD asked me a couple of months back why we never see Nannie and I didn't know what to tell her sad

Dozer Sun 16-Apr-17 11:51:39

That sounds very unfair. Have you told them you find it very hurtful? If so and they deny it, you might need to consider your options, eg having only limited contact.

Is this a new thing? Or did they treat you differently from your siblings growing up?

Dozer Sun 16-Apr-17 11:52:36

Tell DD the truth: that her GPs have not been inviting you to things or keeping in touch, and that you feel sad about it.

Eggsellent Sun 16-Apr-17 12:02:00

Dm denies it but we were treated very differently growing up! I was the "problem child" always getting told off while dbs would get away with everything and lots of extreme favouritism. When dm couldn't deny treating us differently she would buy me something and then call me ungrateful if I mentioned what she had done so I find it difficult to say anything when she sent me a present last week because I know how this will go.

jamesk0001 Sun 16-Apr-17 12:02:22

Relatives can be right pains. Remember, you don't chose them, you do chose your friends!

Similar to me this Easter. My mother invited my brother and his family to Easter lunch about 3 weeks ago and me and mine 2 days ago then went very stroppy because I hade made other arrangements because I hadn't heard anything.

What is really annoying is that brother and his family do nothing for them. Whenever they need anything doing it is always me that gets called.

AnUnhappyStudent Sun 16-Apr-17 12:04:50

^ This
My DD aged 10 has asked me why we ate not included and I was honest about it and said that my family were not always nice to me and that it was nothing she had done. However she surprised me with just how perceptive she was anyway about the way I was treated. Sometimes its best to be honest.

Dozer Sun 16-Apr-17 12:09:17

Am sorry you have been treated badly by your family for so long OP. Suggest heading to the "Stately Homes" threads on here for advice from kind and clever posters.

DC will be fine, as long as you protect them from similar treatment. My parents low contact with their respective dysfunctional families, and explained things to their DC in age appropriate terms.

Eggsellent Sun 16-Apr-17 13:11:58

Thanks for the responses. Dozer I have posted on there a couple of times under various name changes but I feel a bit of a fraud on there! I always feel like it's me not them and if I were a nicer person they would want to spend time with me sad I know how bonkers that sounds especially when everyone who knows the full story wonders why I even bother with dm but I guess that is the result of years of conditioning.

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