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My parents despise each other but stay together?

(13 Posts)
ilovewelshrarebit123 Sun 16-Apr-17 00:34:43

My parents are in their 70's and despise each other. They've been married for 50+ years and have a very nice house and are financially very comfortable.

My dad verbally and emotionally abuses my mum. He calls her names such as fat bitch, fat ugly c**t, and many more.

He monitors what she eats and if he thinks it's too much calls her names. He monitors her phone use, and what she spends her own money on. He will research what she's bought and berate her if he finds it cheaper.

He's told her not to speak to him unless it's about his grandchildren. So they don't communicate at all other than to snipe and the name calling.

She's not a well woman and can be difficult to live with as she never stops going on about her latest ailments. This can be quite waring but most of it is genuine illness.

She fell over once and couldn't get up and he stepped over her and called her a stupid bitch.

Yet she won't leave him, she refuses to give up the house etc. They have enough equity to buy too places outright and still be comfortable. She had thousands in her own account to.

She's just done something that he doesn't agree with. He's now refusing to eat meals she makes and puts them in the bin. He is refusing to share a car with her, so when we met for a family event today, they both drove their own cars.

He's also not speaking to me as I dared to ask him how he was on Friday. When I didn't agree with his latest rants about her, he told me not to speak to him. He actually ignored me and refused to speak to me at the event today.

I have a brother who isn't interested, so she tells me the latest things he's done. I've told her to leave, I've offered for her to live with me and my DD, she refuses.

She's is defensive about everything and flies off the handle about simple things, and has admitted this is how he's made her.

This latest behaviour from him is bothering me, but what can I do? I know it's an offence now to EA someone but I can't call the police.

The final straw for me has been my DD asking 'why is grandad so grumpy' ☹️

This is just a rant really as I know I can't make her do anything.

Marmalade85 Sun 16-Apr-17 00:37:35

It's a tough one. I can't imagine your parents bothering to divorce in their 70s.

HecateAntaia Sun 16-Apr-17 00:41:27

i would just leave them to it.

my parents hate each other. my mum more than my dad. she is foul about him. even pulls faces behind his back hmm

i wont me rail but theyve done a lot to each other.

i have pretty much withdrawn from their lives.

you cant fix people.

they clearly are more afraid of going it alone than they are of living this life till they die.

you cant change that. believe me!!

i have suggested to my parents many times that they call it a day.

now i have just stepped back. and i dont let them see my kids.

it reaches a point sometimes where you have to accept that this is the life they choose and you have to focus on it not impacting on your own (immediate) family.

noego Sun 16-Apr-17 00:52:39

Your priority is your DD's emotional health. Look after that first and foremost. Its not healthy to see two adults behave this way. So don't have any contact with them.

Lissette Sun 16-Apr-17 01:03:41

I've had this too and I agree that you might need to step away. You can't change people. My two parents are abusive to one another and then pick on me. I've ask them to get counselling but they won't. It's self preservation OP to keep away. My DS is upset by their behaviour and that was the last straw for me. As I said to my dh, i don't want to know how this story ends, i just want peace for myself. flowers

newtothiscoven Sun 16-Apr-17 02:12:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsHenryWales Sun 16-Apr-17 02:17:48

^ WTAF?!! Glue, I presume? ^

OP, you can't help your mum if she doesn't wanted to be helped.

I'd be inclined to tell her again you think she should leave him but that if not she needs to leave you out of it because you don't need the stress.

MiMiMaguire Sun 16-Apr-17 02:54:30

Tell grumpy grandad to grow the fuck up and stop mistreating your mother and until he does he won't be seeing you or your daughter, and mean it. That's horrible behaviour, how awful.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Sun 16-Apr-17 17:34:02

What did newtothiscoven sat to get deleted?

YNK Sun 16-Apr-17 17:37:51

You can't change their relationship but you can insist they don't bring you in to it OP.
Put yourself first now.

SleepingTiger Sun 16-Apr-17 17:42:08

Whichever dies first will leave the other happy.
That's golden but sad.

MrsHenryWales Sun 16-Apr-17 18:14:59

Something so totally random OP it didn't even make sense. I can't even make an attempt at repeating it.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:53:34

SleepingTiger sadly you're right and it will be my mum who goes first I think.

My dads side of the family live to ripe old age, his mum is 97!

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