Discovered husband's affair last November, he eventually left the day after Boxing Day despite my attempts to save our marriage. We have 4DCs.
He has the kids EOW and one night on the weekend inbetween. He has just had them for the past week, they return later today.
They love going to his, he is all out Disney Dad but I'm glad they're happy - I do appreciate them not wishing to go would be much harder on everybody. I enjoy my freedom to a certain extent when they're not here but I do miss them terribly.
Divorce process has started, I am frankly terrified of the future as I was a SAHM for most of our 20yr marriage. My solicitor assures me I'll come out ok but I'm in a constant state of panic over finances for the future. I need to train as something in order to earn a living but I have no idea what to train as and how to work around the children. They have been through so much and I hate the thought of putting them in childcare in the school holidays but again, I accept that they will need to get over it. Just seems so unfair. I panic constantly about where I will find work and what it will be. I don't need to work yet as STBEx is currently paying a good sum in maintenance and I'm claiming all I'm entitled to. It will need to happen upon our divorce being finalised though and as youngest child is almost 7 there are no reasons why I cannot work and I want to anyway. Just don't know what to do when I have no qualifications and no family to help me out.
STBEx meanwhile seems so settled. Obviously he wouldn't tell me if he wasn't but it certainly appears that way. No money worries, no fear about his financial security and apart from his contact times with the children he never has to worry about childcare etc for them. I feel he has thrown our entire lives up in the air and walked away without so much as a care. I hate him so much for this and I don't know how to let go of the bitterness and resentment. It tears me apart not knowing what he's doing when he doesn't have the children, I suspect he is still either seeing the OW or has someone new. Crazy thing is, our marriage was miserable and he was a shit husband so I do know that deep down I will be happier eventually but I can't see how to get to that point.
I go out at weekends fairly regularly and have a good time with friends but when I'm at home alone all I want to do is cry. I've been fighting tears all day today. I just feel so sad at what my life has become, I'm almost 39 and I feel like it's over and actually I wouldn't care if I didn't wake up tomorrow. This isn't what I mapped my life out to be like, I didn't want my children to come from a broken home and have 2 separate lives. I don't want to be a single parent and despite how unhappy my marriage made me feel - and it would feel even worse now knowing about his aldultery - I'd take him back in a heartbeat just to be able to return to 'normality'. He doesn't want me though and that cuts like a knife.
20yrs...and for what? I'm so lonely and spend hours on dating sites but despite getting lots of attention I don't have any confidence left after all he's done so would never dare meet anyone. Yet I crave to be in a relationship just so I don't have to spend so much time on my own. Someone to share things with. I have friends but they're all married so have little time for me and certainly not at weekends as they're all doing family stuff.
I just want my old life back, how do I even begin to get over this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Recently separated, hate my new life
CarrieMayBe · 15/04/2017 15:09
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