Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New Man requesting i wear lingerie to date

(163 Posts)
WiseToTheLies Sat 15-Apr-17 13:16:21

Ive been seeing someone for a few weeks now and weve dtd. He told me he likes lingerie and holdups in particular and would like me to wear them for our next date with heels.

Would this bother you? My heart sunk when he said it as its just not me - aside from the fact it'd look bizzare in spring / summer and is a bit... officey.

Its making me so anxious Im considering not seeing him again.

What would you do? Just say no and hope he forgets about it? Apart from this he's great.

Reddingtonsmoll Sat 15-Apr-17 13:18:19

Tell him do one. He sounds a bit creepy to me.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 15-Apr-17 13:18:44

You're not into it so don't do it.

How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 15-Apr-17 13:18:53

Tell him you will if he will...

floraeasy Sat 15-Apr-17 13:19:35

You don't really get to know someone in a few short weeks and you don't like what you are learning about this man. He sounds a bit controlling telling you what to wear. BTW, what does "officey" lingerie look like?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 15-Apr-17 13:19:52

You say no, his reaction to this will tell you if you should continue seeing him.

Eatingcheeseontoast Sat 15-Apr-17 13:21:04

Nah. If you were into that it would be fine. But far too much like hard work. Tell him you love a man in a tux and see if he'll oblige...

WonderWhippet Sat 15-Apr-17 13:21:36

To be honest, if you're not comfortable and it's making you anxious then I wouldn't do it. I've done similar things in the past and whilst it can sometimes be a giggle, it can also be very awkward if you're not feeling relaxed about it.

I would either explain to him how you're feeling or just ditch him.

It should all be fun at this stage, meeting him shouldn't be stressing you out.

ElspethFlashman Sat 15-Apr-17 13:21:49

That'd put me right off, tbh.

Goldfishjane Sat 15-Apr-17 13:21:51

Say no. It's not your thing. If he isn't happy he needs to find someone else.

Rainybo Sat 15-Apr-17 13:22:21

He may have a foot/hosiery fetish. If you're not into it then don't do it. You're still getting to know him and you're not sure about this bit.

I'd just ask him if he is into it, but I can be very straight talking when it comes to sex. At least then I would know.

ANiceSliceOfCake Sat 15-Apr-17 13:23:01

Heels and holdups, it's not like he's asked for full on gimp gear. Could he just really fancy the pants off you and be enjoying a new relationship? Yes you have every right to say no if it's not your thing of course. But maybe it will be fun?

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 15-Apr-17 13:23:29

That's twice in two days stockings and suspenders have been mentioned on here. What's going on with this, are we meant to truss up like this on a weekly basis to inject some lust into things? I'd rather wear my skinny jeans and not have to wrestle with the pantaloon/suspender combo each time I need the bathroom.

If you're comfortable with his request, carry on. I suspect you're not though, since you've posted here. Which means you just need to reply "christ, no thanks, nobody's worn suspenders since 1824". His response will let you know how he feels about not being able to tell you what to wear.

TheFifthKey Sat 15-Apr-17 13:24:01

Well, there's asking you to and there's telling you to. I've had conversations with dates about things we like/don't like and there might be "I'd love it if I knew you were wearing x under your dress" and then if I like the idea too I might do it, so I don't think throwing it out here says anything bad about him - it's a common enough fantasy and one many women like too. So it's up to you how you deal with it if you don't want to.

QuintessentialShadow Sat 15-Apr-17 13:24:54

My heart sunk when he said it

Go with that and cancel the date. No need to proceed if you are made to feel uncomfortable.

Fair enough if it excited you, but nobody should be pressurized to wear or do something they rather not.

TheFifthKey Sat 15-Apr-17 13:25:31

I will say too that any guy who's mentioned specific fantasies to me has also always asked if there was anything I would like too - it's never been a case of anything being imposed on me, it's more about mutual sharing.

Violetcharlotte Sat 15-Apr-17 13:25:46

This immediately makes me feel creeped out. I met someone like this when I was along younger, went along with it as I swept away with the 'excitement' of it all. Quickly realised he just saw me as a sex object! I've got nothing against dressing up, if that floats your boat, but like anything, it should be something you both want to do. The fact he's asking you to dress up for him so early on in the relationship makes me think he's the type to be controlling.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 15-Apr-17 13:26:11

wrestle with the pantaloon/suspender combo each time I need the bathroom.

Pants over suspenders not under.

May50 Sat 15-Apr-17 13:26:33

I was once set to go on a date with online dating and the man messaged me and asked me to wear stockings, suspenders and high heels to the date. Needless to say I cancelled and never met him, and referred to him from then on as Creepy Guy.

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 15-Apr-17 13:28:15

ItsAllGoing Really? It's that simple? It's official, I'm one of those people who can't be trusted to adult properly.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 15-Apr-17 13:28:52

Really? It's that simple? It's official, I'm one of those people who can't be trusted to adult properly

I learnt that on MN grin

Goldfishjane Sat 15-Apr-17 13:30:35

Ami, he said hold ups so at least he's not suggesting suspenders!

Also interesting that he said to op to wear them on date with heels, not just in privacy of bedroom. I'd be feeling like he wants a date who wears heels. In general I'd be horrified at a request for what to wear on a date. Bedroom is a bit different.

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 15-Apr-17 13:31:24

Hah there should be a thread "Important things you're going to need to know to successfully be a grown-up". You've made my day teaching me that!

gamerchick Sat 15-Apr-17 13:32:49

See this is fine at some point in the relationship, I wouldn't mind for the husband. But not right at the start when you're just getting to know someone. Nowt like feeling like an object to have fun hmm

Doesn't sound good OP.

P1nkP0ppy Sat 15-Apr-17 13:33:38

Yuck.
Creepy 😳

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now