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Possible child welfare case, need advice re his ex partner

(57 Posts)
Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 09:40:51

Sorry this is long and complicated but quite serious.

DP and his ex wife have a 3 year old child. They separated when their child was newborn. Ex wife has mental health issues which she is medicated for and a history of violence and drug abuse, which she also left behind her years ago. By all accounts she is a good mother to their child.

DP's child spends every weekend with us. I have DC from a previous marriage and we have a baby of our own.

A couple of years ago ex wife got a new partner. DP wanted to meet him if he was going to be spending time around his child but ex wife refused. I came on mums for advice and was told that it was none of DP's business and he was controlling for wanting to meet this new man. He never met him.

So yesterday DP received an email from ex wife partner. He said that ex is selling herself for cocaine, had a threesome which was filmed and her child walked in during it, that his child was taken to hospital for swallowing cocaine and a few more horror stories.

DP immediately went to fetch his child without telling the mother what it was about. Ex wife partner asked to meet DP to talk through what had been going on. Ex wife then gets wind of what's happening and her, her family and friends all barrage DP with calls saying that the partner is psychotic. They said he's been beating ex wife, that the police are involved and that he has a history of violence against women, robbery and burglary and has been to prison......

So we now have his child safe and are not sure the next steps to take. Either he is lying or she is, but either was she has allowed this man into her child's life. He was in prison for a spell while they were together for drink driving too.

I am so angry and upset that this shitstorm has been brought into all of our lives and desperately worried about DP's child. The mother now wants to take their child 200 miles away to live, it's just insanity.

Gallavich Sat 15-Apr-17 09:43:59

You need to apply to court immediately. Carcass will assess the home situation and make sense of what is happening (tbh even if it's the partner who is abusive it's still not a safe place for the DC)

Fma14 Sat 15-Apr-17 09:45:15

You need to just phone out of hours children's social care and explain you'd like an assessment because you do not feel it safe to return DC as you feel they may be at risk of significant harm if they do return and get advice from the social worker on duty

Gallavich Sat 15-Apr-17 09:47:12

No point calling out of hours social care. They can't and won't do anything until Tuesday anyway.
At the moment you are waiting for services to open again so you can make forma applications. It's the courts you need to notify rather than children's social work services.

youarenotkiddingme Sat 15-Apr-17 09:52:02

You have the email.

Keep the child and keep them safe. If ex calls police you can show them email and also say you've contacted emergency SS and are waiting for an assessment.

TonySopranosVest Sat 15-Apr-17 09:56:14

Has she split up with him?
Did your DH speak to her after these allegations were made?

Isetan Sat 15-Apr-17 09:57:15

The welfare of his child is the only priority and if the Police have been involved because of DV then SS have been to. Why hasn't he contacted SS already?

This shit storm as you put it, is the emotional and physical wellbeing of your H's child. That should be the focus not the drama.

Iamdobby63 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:04:24

I agree with the above. You are doing the right thing and now just have to wait for the proper channels.

I take it the ex split up with her partner? It could just be his revenge on her and may not be true, however, you can't take that risk and it needs to be investigated.

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:38:03

Thanks. Yes they have split up. It may well be revenge but we're pretty sure their are elements of truth.

Apparently police have been involved. I contacted them but they were unable to tell me due to data protection. I also contacted the hospital but they said we needed to wait until Tuesday to access records.

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:38:23

*there are

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:40:31

Yes dp has spoken to her. She adamantly denies the claims. She says the ex is violent and she's scared, that she thought he'd change....

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:42:26

We haven't contacted ss as have no proof, only hearsay. That's not to say we won't, just unsure if the protocol.

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:43:29

Are there any social workers on this thread who could explain what will happen?

notapizzaeater Sat 15-Apr-17 10:46:22

When would you be due to take ds back ?

RandomMess Sat 15-Apr-17 10:46:35

I would be applying for a prohibitive Steps order so the child can't be moved a distance away. I would also be making an application to be resident parent.

I would be trying informally with the ex to have DC live with Dad for the time being whilst things are resolved on the understanding that it will be resolved and her Mum likely to be main carer again in the future. Being hostile etc is going to escalate things whereas he needs to be reasonable whilst acting in DDs best interests.

c3pu Sat 15-Apr-17 10:49:11

Phone CS, tell them what you've been told. It may well turn out to be lies, but it needs investigation.

I'd be highly surprised if the child required medical attention for ingesting cocaine and CS didn't get involved though, the hospital are duty bound to inform CS.

Speaking from bitter experience, my kids were on a child protection plan because of their mother's "parenting choices".

Keep the child with you, and don't allow unsupervised contact until you feel the situation is resolved to your satisfaction. Consider going for a child arrangements order.

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:50:26

Yes we are keeping hold of the child for the foreseeable future, absolutely.

StrawberryJelly00 Sat 15-Apr-17 10:55:03

Cs will tell you to get the child and keep them with you. If he is named on the birth certificate and you have seriois safeguarding concerns she can call the police all she wants you just tell the police about your concerns and they will leave child with safest parent.

This will serve you well if you or she goes to court, court will ask you why you didn't attempt to remove the child to safety when you found out about these concerns and if you return the child to the mother when you are so concerned about the child's safety then this will not look good for you.

Your main priority is this child's safety.

Gallavich Sat 15-Apr-17 11:00:14

You need to apply to court as I said. Cafcass will assess the situation and possibly ask for a child welfare assessment from children's services if they think there may be risk of significant harm in mum's care.
Right now you have the right to keep her as your dh has PR. Mother will have to apply to court to get her back. It would be better if he applies first rather than waits for her to apply.

therootoftheroot Sat 15-Apr-17 11:02:54

there will be an emergency duty team at social services. if you google your town and child protection you should be able to get a number.
Phone them asap.

Do NOT allow your partner's daughter to go home!

Namechanged1234567 Sat 15-Apr-17 11:08:18

Thanks, so court or ss? Will the court be open today?

JK1773 Sat 15-Apr-17 11:40:21

Courts not open today. Back open Tuesday. Get an urgent appointment with a solicitor on Tuesday morning. You need an emergency prohibited steps order asap until it's looked into further. I would also make a referral to social services. They won't do anything over the weekend if child is safe but at least it's logged. The court would have expected you to do that

MrsBertBibby Sat 15-Apr-17 11:49:55

The courts will be open on Tuesday. You need to get your application in straightaway, asking for Child Arrangements, and prohibited steps orders to stop her moving away, bringing your partner's daughter into contact with this man, etc. CAFCASS will access police & social services info.

Social Services will be of minimal help, it is up to you to get this into the proper arena, which is the court, at the firstbopportunity, which is Tuesday.

Forms C100 and C1A, 4 sets of each, plus the court fee. This will help you find the right court. Call them on Tuesday to find out their urgent application procedure

Natsku Sat 15-Apr-17 11:51:43

I would contact SS immediately (out of hours or whatever its called) so that it is will be on file straight away and contact Court for an emergency order on Tuesday.

Instasista Sat 15-Apr-17 11:54:26

I really don't know enough to advise but just wanted to send flowers thank goodness the child has his father and you

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