This will be long (sorry) and probably self-pitying, but I am writing it just to get it out and maybe someone will read and advise.
I have just spent an entire week on my own with no contact from anyone, aside from a few depressing texts. I do have dc and they have been with ex. The week before they were with me, so it was better, but I know they are going to spend less and less time with me as they get older, and that is how it should be.
There is a woman I have known for years and we meet up a few times a year as we live far apart. She was hard to contact this time, which has never been the case before, but when she finally rang she told me about a difficult time she had been having and so I thought that was why. After we arranged for me to go and sty with her for a couple of days this week, she texted to see if I wanted to go to an event in the summer. I said yes etc and she didn't reply, but I thought we would discuss it when I was with her. Then she texted on the morning I was due to go down and said she was ill and could we postpone. She sounded very genuine but I did find it a bit of coincidence in the light of her not returning my calls earlier in the month.
Regardless of what's going on with her, it is ridiculous that I have absolutely no one around me, but I don't know what to do about it. I have the most appalling social skills ever, and every friendship I have ever had has either fizzled out or the person has suddenly stopped contacting me. Over the years I have given up trying.
Work has always been my refuge and, whatever job I've had, from bar work years ago to the professional role I now hold, I have been able to get on well with people and chat etc, go out in groups if it's that kind of place (my current one isn't and I've been there 10 years) and have just 'made do' with that. No real friendship ever develops.
There is a woman I work with going through a very rough time and she broke down to me last year about how lonely she was, among other things. We have a fair bit in common, aside from loneliness (she doesn't know about mine) and I suggested meeting up and gave her my number. She never texted and I know she sees someone else from work who, on the face of it, has far less in common with her than I do and that hurt.
There are another couple of women I get on really well with. Before last year's six week holiday they talked about meeting up over it and one said she would text. Basically I found out they and a couple of others had gone without me and one of the women lied about it when I told her my phone had broken over the holiday. She said that was why I hadn't got her text, but the dates didn't match up and my phone had continued to receive texts while the screen was smashed, I just couldn’t open them . That hurt a lot but obviously I didn't say anything.
I have spent the last few days googling things I could do to meet people, but I know they won't work out because I am shit at it and people just don't like me. I know I sound a moaning drag on here and I promise I'm not like it in rl, but still there is something about me people don't like.
Ex had an affair with a mutual friend we had recently met, and she seemed to develop the friendship with me alongside their affair. I asked him at one point why she kept seeing me once the affair had started and he said she found me 'quite good company.' That is another comment that hurts me.
I am nearly 40 (absolutely dreading that birthday in a few weeks) and honestly feel like there's no point going on and that I wouldn't if it wasn't for the dc. Obviously I would never do anything to hurt them, but I feel all the time that I am messing them up by not showing them good relationships and that soon they will notice I don't have friends and will either pity or despise me.
Thank you for reading - just wanted to write it all down.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is this friendship dying? There isn't another. How to go on.
onlyforthisthread · 15/04/2017 06:24
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