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ILs signing my card from mum and dad

(14 Posts)
TheWelshCakeBaker Fri 14-Apr-17 22:00:13

I should start by saying my ILs are lovely. They are extremely kind and welcomed happy as a part of their family.
They live abroad so we don't see them often so they send cards to us.
They sent Easter cards to the family which we opened today.
Mine was signed at the bottom from mum and dad.
My parents died when I was a child and to be honest I was a bit surprised that it upset me as much as it did.
I'm torn between feeling grateful that they view me as part of their family but also sad and a bit odd because they aren't my actual parents.

DW wants to say ask them about it. But I'm not sure because I don't want them to be offended. I also don't know if when the initial emotion wears off I might actually be ok with it.

PastysPrincess Fri 14-Apr-17 22:02:07

I find this weird anyway cos surely if you use mum and dad that means your partner would be brother/sister

TileTileTile Fri 14-Apr-17 22:02:50

I have had ILs in the past that done this on cards etc as it was just their way. My parents were very much alive at the time.

I think it's weird and agree with you OP, but I guess there's nowt as strange as folk and everyone is different.

I wonder if they perhaps didn't think about your situation with your late parents and did not realise it could be upsetting for you.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea Fri 14-Apr-17 22:03:46

My mil (fil passed away years ago) signs cards to me from Mum. I love it personally. It makes me feel excepted into the family.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea Fri 14-Apr-17 22:04:42

Accepted I mean, not excepted.

TileTileTile Fri 14-Apr-17 22:04:56

They would probably be mortified if they thought they'd upset you. If you don't see them much I'd be tempted to just grin and bear it, they can only send so many cards a year afterall, and if you think they are kind hearted then I am sure they meant it in the nicest possible way.

FourFlapjacksPlease Fri 14-Apr-17 22:05:54

I call MIL mum as she is from a different culture and its the done thing where she is from. It's just respectful and all the DILs and BILs do it. It doesn't mean anything deep and it certainly doesn't make her my mum. Nobody can replace your parents so its just a word IMO.

I do think its a lovely thing that your PIL have been so inclusive and I wouldn't upset people that you describe as kind and welcoming. Maybe see how you feel in a couple of weeks. I'm so sorry you lost your own parents so young, it must have been very hard.

SoloDance Fri 14-Apr-17 22:06:03

They were trying to be nice.

Sweets101 Fri 14-Apr-17 22:06:27

I thought it was the done thing tbh.

CassandraAusten Fri 14-Apr-17 22:06:48

My PILs would like me to call them Mum and Dad. I just can't do it (my parents are alive but I think I'd feel the same if they had died). They both called their own PILs Mum and Dad so they think it's normal. I think they are a bit offended that I don't.

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 14-Apr-17 22:06:58

My mil writes "from mum", my mum is still alive and kicking. But the card is for all of us (dh, me, ds2, dgs1), so "from mum, mil/her name, gran, great gran" would be a bit lengthy.

I don't call her mum, I use her name. But it took over 20 years to get to this point. grin

DaffodilTime Fri 14-Apr-17 22:07:06

I'm like Ivy, I've got a fantastic mum and dad but really loved that my ILs did this and felt so very accepted. But I understand you feeling sensitive OP and think they would understand too if you explain you miss them so it just hits you. What would they sign though as their normal names would meanwhile feel strange to your DH perhaps?

Justbreathing Fri 14-Apr-17 22:07:46

I think it's very lovely that they feel you're so much part of their family that they consider they can put that. I'm sorry that you lost your parents young, the words mum and dad must be harder for you than most and maybe they don't quite realise the impact.

TheWelshCakeBaker Fri 14-Apr-17 22:16:00

The card was just for me. DW got her own card signed from mum and dad and the DCs had theirs signed from grandma and granddad.
I know they meant it kindly and they are just being nice and a part of me is pleased about it. But I also feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

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