Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm confused!

(8 Posts)
tireddotcom72 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:17:39

Right this is complicated!

I've been a single mum for most of dd 13 years. Had a couple of relationships but for various reasons they didn't work out.

18 months ago I met A a single dad with a very complicated relationship with mum of his children. I had recently come out of a 2 year relationship so neither of us wanted to rush into anything. Went on a date had a snog and it was all very nice.

He lives 30 miles away no family round him and dad 100% of time to 2 young children. I'm mum 100% of time to dd and although now she doesn't need babysitting I totally understood how difficult it was for him.

Anyway we spoke on phone everyday messaged each other all the time FaceTime etc but it wasn't a relationship as such but we both discussed at some point that's what we both wanted.

Got to Jan this year and he started having problems with his dd which he needed to deal with and without any explanation he disappeared.

I was upset and missed him dreadfully even though we weren't together.

After a few weeks went on a date with B nice enough guy so agreed to 2nd date. He was definitely more keen than me had a snog no fireworks but agreed to see him again. Over a couple of months we have had 5 dates and he is constantly messaging joking about booking a hotel for next date ( he is currently in a shared house and I won't have men at my house because of dd) I keep telling him that I don't feel ready to have sex but he still keeps mentioning it.

Yesterday out of blue I got a text from A very apologetic for his behaviour but it was so good to hear from him. Found out why he blanked me - begin of Feb he was away with work got drunk and slept with someone. He regretted it but didn't know how to tell me so went quiet and made things even worse.

It did hurt hearing that but seeing as we weren't in a relationship it's not like he cheated on me.

I know I need to bin B but do I take a chance with A.?

We are both 45 and surely too old for all this drama!

JeffJarrett Fri 14-Apr-17 19:43:37

I don't entirely believe he's being honest with you. If he'd slept with someone in February why did he drop off the radar in January? And why has it taken him another few months to contact you? And why now?

It sounds like he was seeing someone else and it didn't work out. In itself it isn't that bad. You've been dating too, it's just up to you if you wanted to start back up. It does all sound very complicated with him.

Agree you should bin off the other guy though, you'd know by this many dates if he was a keeper.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 14-Apr-17 19:48:36

Man A had a better offer back in Jan. . More than a' nice snog 'she has seen him for being a sleaze so he comes back to you hoping for remote than a' nice snog 'this time around....

outabout Fri 14-Apr-17 19:51:41

Ditch B, he sounds too 'fast' for you.
Give A another chance and take it slow.

Itshello Fri 14-Apr-17 19:52:51

If you weren't even in a relationship why has he bothered tell you? It all sounds a bit heavy or he is making it more complicated than it needs to be.

tireddotcom72 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:58:40

Need to find a way to dump b! That bit I'm no good at!

SaltySeaDog72 Fri 14-Apr-17 20:31:21

To B - this isn't working for me - all the best

To A - he has been seeing someone else. Fair do's. Why not give it another go. Just be relaxed and realistic about what you can both manage. Game playing is draining and a nightmare, who needs it.

Good luck OP!

Wiredforsound Sat 15-Apr-17 00:16:05

You've had 5 dates over a couple of months with B. You haven't slept together. I would put money on A going silent because he met someone else - not just a one night stand, but something longer. There is nothing to tie you to either of these men. To be honest, I'd ditch both and go about meeting someone who wants to be with you properly.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now