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My relationship has made me someone I don't like

(9 Posts)
starzzzz Fri 14-Apr-17 17:10:36

Sorry for the bad title.

My bad marriage has turned me into a grasping, whining, sulky, miserable dour woman who I don't recognise. I have turned into someone who tells lies, gets angry, sulks, can be defensive and generally unpleasant.

DH and I have been together for years and years. Initially things were so good. It was a square peg and a square hole, which sounds rude blush smile but you know what I mean.

But he always had a tendency to be a bit overbearing and over the years that's turned into a rigid control and at times an unbearable bully. I feel like in an attempt to survive almost I've become this really unpleasant person.

I have barely any friends left. Sorry for the huge boast, don't get me wrong I was never Kate moss or anything but I was pretty. I was at a friends wedding recently and there was this montage of photos and I was on quite a few and I thought how nice I looked (not that I saw it at the time!) I envied myself. I've become fat and plain over the years, because I comfort eat because food is one of the few things he doesn't get to control.

I've used our (gorgeous!) children as an excuse. Don't want them to be raised in a broken home. But I don't feel they are happy. I want them to feel like they've got a mum who is happy and engaged and interested in life not one that sits passively.

I want us to end things amicably. Can we? Can an abusive arse be a nice, kind dad and a friend to me outside of the confines of marriage? Can I go back to who I was, or am I too far along this road now?

Hermonie2016 Fri 14-Apr-17 17:22:13

Yes you can change.I was in a long term relationship in my 20s and became so 'mousy' as just didn't have time to focus on myself.Witgin 2 years of leaving I looked and felt so much better.

How old are your children? As we all live longer these days you may have many, many years of living with your husband unless you take action to change it.

cosytoaster Fri 14-Apr-17 17:30:43

I wasn't myself at all when married, my ex was also fairly controlling and difficult. However, we did manage to split reasonably amicably and I get on fine with him now and he sees the dcs regularly. We are all happier and I feel much better. The only downside is the financial side of things.

starzzzz Fri 14-Apr-17 17:33:59

Thank you, both. How has it worked out for you cosy?

cosytoaster Fri 14-Apr-17 18:52:10

It's worked out well, although in the end we only split as he had an affair, I was far to doormatty to leave beforehand and the actual divorce process wasn't pleasant. However, I have my own home, have had the confidence to change jobs, make new friends and live life as I choose to, like I say the only fly in the ointment is living on one, fairly low income. My DCs are fine and get on well with their dad and his new partner, many of their friends have divorced parents so they don't feel odd about it - I hate the term 'broken home' - my home feels much happier and less broken now than when married!
Ex still does little jobs for me when needed too!

princessconsuelobananahammock Fri 14-Apr-17 21:58:35

You've got a lot of threads on various boards at the moment & the same advice...I'm not really sure what you're after?

starzzzz Fri 14-Apr-17 22:04:18

What do you mean?

Apart from anything else no one had posted for three hours so I'm not sure what you're after either smile

TatianaLarina Fri 14-Apr-17 22:13:08

Don't want them to be raised in a broken home

But you do want them to be raised with an 'overbearing' 'bully' of a father and an 'miserable dour' mother?

This does not compute. You can refund yourself but you'll have to leave. Do it for your kids if not for yourself.

TatianaLarina Fri 14-Apr-17 22:27:08

Refind not refund!

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