Engagement and rings?

[user1492173460]

I've just moved in with DP with my DD.
DP overheard a conversation I had about how I'd have liked to be engaged before moving in with someone again after past experiences. We moved in together because we wanted to and he asked me, I said yes obviously and were here and never been happier.

He wasn't really evesdropping but I was on Skype to a friend in oz and he had popped up to say hi and heard, it's not an issue.

He however feels he's let me down, turns out he's asked my mum and dad and had it all planned for a significant date in the summer. He's a bit upset I think, he's asked me to go ring shopping with him on Saturday so he gets it right and I'm part of it all....
Would you say this is ok? Or am I letting down the tradition thing?

I'm feeling quite bad now! It was a flippant comment to a friend talking about relationships as hers isn't going great! Wasn't any reflection on DP, was more of a can't believe I've found him and feel so secure thing.

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

What did he ask your mum and dad?

What do you mean by "the tradition thing"?

[SorrelSoup]

You know engagement doesn't mean a thing?

[user1492173460]

I do know that yes it just would mean a lot to me for us to be married.
He's asked my mum and dad for their blessing regarding asking me to marry him.

I've never done this so I guess it's whether its okay to shop together or the more traditional (or is that just tv/film) where he does the picking?

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

What century are you living in, OP?

What if your parents had said no? My parents would have been very worried if they thought I was marrying a man who thought that I wasn't competent enough to make up my own mind who to marry.

[user1492173460]

Me and my DP are quite traditional and to me my parents blessing means a huge amount, sorry if that offends anyone

[MrsGsnow18]

I would have thought it more traditional for the man and woman to go pick ring together. That's what my
Gran/mum's generation did. There was no asking permission back then either unless you were underage.

Everyone likes to do things differently, if you want to be able to pick your own ring then do that, if you would rather he pick and be surprised then go with that option.

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

It doesn't offend me.

It makes me quite sad actually.

[Spam88]

Ignore the silly responses OP 🙄

A lot of people go ring shipping with their partners these days. Personally, I wanted my husband to choose and surprise me, but I have plenty of friends who were quite particular about what they wanted so they helped pick. So just do whatever is right for you :)

And of course engagement means something if it means something to you, that was a silly comment from PP. Things don't have to have legal standing to have meaning.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'm really confused as can't see what the issue is.

[user1492173460]

Thank you mrsgnow

I don't know why you would be sad at something personal to me?

[Stickaforkinimdone]

Go with him! You'll have a great time and it won't spoil anything
I chose my engagement ring with my husband-he then bought it at a later date and the proposal was still a lovely surprise on the day
Don't worry OP and congratulations!

[user1492173460]

Thank you spam you got what I meant, I was starting to feel stupid

[user1492173460]

Thank you, I wasn't sure if the shop assistant would think it was strange as I say I know nothing about this sort of thing, I never thought it would even happen!

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

It is sad because you don't understand the wider social implications and historical context of your actions.

why don't you just do what you want to in regards to engagement rings, I don't understand why you'd have to ask - there is no standard of behaviour, make things go how you want them go, OP.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

You can't.be traditional if you're living together before marriage

[silkpyjamasallday]

Meh I think nowadays when people ask for the parents blessing it is just including them in your decisions as people who are going to become family. If it makes you happy then stuff what others think (my DP did the same btw) just because a tradition comes from a place of patriarchal control doesn't mean it has to remain that way or mean that to you nowadays when it has little relevance or affect on real life decisions.

DP and I are having the ring made by a friend so that it makes a nod to a nickname he calls me. Maybe a proposal in the traditional sense is only a gesture at this stage and not a true surprise but I don't think people can blame anyone for wanting these things even if they do know it is coming at some point.

Enjoy ring shopping!

[user1492173460]

I'm full aware of that, and I have a child.
I was literally only posting to ask what others thought of going with him?

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Going with him is great you'll enjoy it and get to pick a ring you really love

[user1492173460]

That's it silk thank you!

[VelvetSparkles]

CakesAreBiscuitsToo but isn't that the beauty of feminism - a womans right to make her own choices about what makes HER happy?

OP there isnt any right or wrong way to do this... whatever suits you and your partner is just fine. Oh, and congratulations on your imminent engagement

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

It's not about feminism, velvet

This OP seems to be clueless as to what might make her happy (other than her parents blessing and being engaged) and more concerned about some perceived mysterious social convention to which she must adhere.

Anyway good luck, OP. Hope you find something that makes you happy.

[Creatureofthenight]

I went ring shopping with DP. He had a rough idea what I wanted but preferred me to be there to make sure! It was a really nice day.

[user1492173460]

Pardon cakes? I am entirely sure what will make me happy thank you, that is being with my lovely DP, married and having my parents be happy and excited in the process by their blessing being given as we are extending the family!
The query was to whether it was out of sorts to shop with him!

[CakesAreBiscuitsToo]

No need to pardon me. Good luck with it all.

[Pallisers]

Why would you care if a shop assistant thought it was odd?

Seriously, just do what suits you. I picked my own ring (designed it actually) and in fact don't know anyone who didn't pick it out with their future spouse. But I'm sure there are people who like to be surprised. There isn't a set of rules for this kind of thing.