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Crap at relationships: online dating?

(11 Posts)
ShineyBlackShoes Fri 14-Apr-17 08:29:47

My exH cheated throughout our marriage (he married his OW about 15yrs ago & they are still together). In terms of ex-BF one started hurting my kids so I dumped him, another called off our wedding, and the last one took back his ex-W. Since then I've just brought up my kids. I'm now in my early 50s. Work FT, few hobbies or friends as being a single parent with a busy job doesn't leave time or money for a life. But I have had a few 1 night stands over the years and I have a close friendship with a male work colleague who is going to retire soon. This means I'll largely lose my best friend.

But DC1 has left home now and DC2 will start working 4 months away, 2 home, in the near future. So.... given my appalling relationship history do I try internet dating? Or should I get get a cat and a 'rabbit' and join some online chat forums for company.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 08:37:14

I'd stop defining yourself as someone crap at relationships.

One guy cheated - that was him being crap at marriage, not you.

One hurt your kids - so you dumped an arsehole, looks to me like you're good at relationships.

Next one called off the wedding... horrible, but not every relationship works out.

Next one went back to his wife. Well, again - he's the crap one at relationships because he chose to go into another one too soon. How is that you being crap?

EVERYONE has a string of "failed" relationships behind them. With the exception of widowhood, all previous relationship endings could be blamed on us being 'crap' - even if they're just mild growing apart.

All I'm reading here is a fairly usual lifetime of life experiences.

My XH preferred prostitutes to me - he was the one crap at marriage, not me!

It's OK to be single, I'm not saying you have to date. But please - try to reframe your experience! You're not crap at all.

Stewart2017 Fri 14-Apr-17 13:50:34

Well said Ellisandra above.
Sounds like you been unlucky.
Plenty of fish in the sea. Nowt to lose from online dating.

ShineyBlackShoes Sat 15-Apr-17 06:53:08

Thanks Ellisandra, I think I needed to hear that.

Mermaidinthesea123 Sat 15-Apr-17 06:57:00

Do you need a man? You sound pretty independent.
I'm single now and I want to stay that way. I'm not risking losing my home to a man again or going through the pain of divorce number 3.
Single is a good option. So long as you have family and friends that's the important thing.
Online dating is horrifc.

Gallavich Sat 15-Apr-17 07:18:40

Online dating isn't horrific. It can be draining and disappointing at times, because you're dealing with human interaction and relationships. But it can be fun and for lots of people leads to nice relationships. Why not try it?

100feet Sat 15-Apr-17 12:29:53

Online dating can work but I don't think it's as good as it used to. Seem to be more time wasters and players about these days. I'd like a relationship but I can't be bothered with dating. Much happier single doing things I enjoy and let things happen naturally. Dating in my opinion is 'forced'. Good luck 😆

user1486956786 Sat 15-Apr-17 12:45:33

Ellisandra comment amazing.

What about set a goal? take up new hobby / join a group?

Not to meet a man but something for you. I'm a firm believer that it happens when it's meant to happen and you don't need to go looking. Sounds like you need to inject something new and fun into your life :-)

Mermaidinthesea123 Sat 15-Apr-17 12:51:42

I personally found it horrific Gallavich, but then I'm not everyone. I went out with a few blokes and they were all without exception dim, weird and looked nothing like their photos.

100feet Sat 15-Apr-17 14:32:11

For those that use Tinder what distance do you generally set the app to? I think it would be much better if dating sites offered video chat because that way you can weed out the fake photos. You can never be 100% sure who is behind a profile picture.

EverybodysHappyNowadays Sat 15-Apr-17 16:27:22

Single is a good option. So long as you have family and friends that's the important thing

And what about for those people who don't have family and for whom friendships are thin on the ground due to work commitments and finances..?

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