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Is it normal..

(17 Posts)
Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 21:10:14

Is it normal to think about divorce every day?

Arealhumanbeing Thu 13-Apr-17 21:35:33

Maybe not every day.

I do think the thought occurs to those in long or difficult marriages more than they would perhaps admit to.

So it's difficult to say what is normal. What's happening OP?

Trills Thu 13-Apr-17 21:39:14

It is for people who are shortly about to get, or have recently got, a divorce.

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 21:42:28

Maybe I am too emotional or sensitive. Can't stand anger and stress and dh has a lot of that. I am no angel either. I think my stress levels go up at the whiff of anyone else's stress or anger....anyone else have this? I think I need to exchange dh for someone with zenlike calmness ...

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 21:43:06

Trills, love your comment, I do suggest it, but the suggestion gets knocked back!!

Kanewreck Thu 13-Apr-17 22:12:27

I think it's normal if it's the obvious option

Trills Thu 13-Apr-17 22:28:26

It only takes one person to break up.

amaranthie Thu 13-Apr-17 22:31:24

Probably not unless you want a divorce!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 13-Apr-17 22:42:12

Um, you don't need your spouse's permission to get divorced. Very often one partner wants to keep going but the other one has had enough. Usually the one who has the most shitty end of the stick in the marriage.

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 22:46:52

I guess I just want him to agree, is it normal to want your spouse to agree?

Ohyesiam Thu 13-Apr-17 22:49:45

Being emotional is a pita, but it's hard to turn off. I've found counselling to help with childhood trauma, and meditation have both been really helpful. They gave me the strength to start" being myself" more, by really noticing what did and didn't feel right with me, accepting it, and following through. So all toxic relationships had to go, and I found out that I was not very mainstream, maybe even a bit eccentric. I wasn't thrilled, but id made a promise to myself to just allow myself to be me.
It felt like my life was unfolding around me, and I got a lot calmer, less sensitive, more resilient. And much more effective in the world , and less affected by people. It was a long process, but I healed a lot. And I know now l can really accept myself as I am.
None of this may resonate with you at all, and everybody has a different way.
Good luck with it all though. Small steps.

DadWasHere Thu 13-Apr-17 22:57:49

I suppose its normal to want a spouse to agree to anything you want. Statistically, for reasons I am unaware of but has probably had psychologists pouring over it, commonly men initiate non marital break ups but women initiate divorce.

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 23:09:09

Oheysiam thank you for your post, it does resonate. The me here wants to not be in stressful / angry situations as I find them hard to deal with (urge to sit down when they happen). I do appreciate that I am no angel my myself, but just feel like that doesn't make stressful/angry situations ok for my children. I feel that flying solo and two separated parents who have time to relax might be a good idea....

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 23:14:02

Dadwashere - oh, can you help?!

noego Thu 13-Apr-17 23:14:05

Your inner peace is hidden by thoughts. Lose interest in the thoughts that cause anxiety, stress, depression and you will start to feel calmer.

Rabbit01 Thu 13-Apr-17 23:23:13

Noego probably, but how to not be anxious and affected by dh's anger and stress?

noego Fri 14-Apr-17 00:01:02

His stress, his anger, his problem.
Just watch it unfold without attaching to it. Without identifying with it. Be the witness of all his behaviour. Kind of watching a movie. Without becoming involved in the movie.

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