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Advice needed for overthinker!!

(9 Posts)
vixta87 Thu 13-Apr-17 16:45:44

Hi all, new to MN but having read various threads over the years and you all seem a lovely knowledgeable lot!
So here goes...I'd really like your opinions on the following, whilst it shouldn't matter that much to me, it does and I've been over thinking and generally beating myself up as you do!

Met this guy online about 4 months ago. Lives local to me and found out we have mutual friends. He's divorced and sees his two kids regularly. Hit it off instantly, would talk for hours and hours about everything and anything, often way into the early hours. Would both joke that we were so alike and could talk about things we'd never tell our friends. Anyway, got to the meeting stage a few times but we didn't due to life and both saying perhaps we had too much in common for it to work. Kept talking the whole time though and we both went on dates with others. Last weekend he messaged me one night to say he'd been out with a woman but had realised that I was the one he wanted. Said he was tired of being used and he knew I was genuine and amazing and felt like we had been put on the earth for each other and that meeting me would be like destiny and wanted to be with me. I was completely taken back having never actually met him, but have to admit these words really struck a chord and agreed to go on a date with him a few days later. We talked again lots before meeting, him telling me how he felt, all about his past etc, there was no let up. Date was wonderful, we were meant to go to the cinema but he suggested not going as we were getting along well and we talked all night instead. We kissed at the end of the date, he held my hands, looked into my eyes and told me I was wonderful.
He messaged me again as soon as he got home, told me all this stuff again, said he couldn't wait for next time and that all his past had been leading to this. I didn't respond too much but said I liked him too.
He talked again the next day as he was off work, flirting, telling me this all again. Then literally a couple of hours later said he'd been thinking and he didn't want this, wasn't ready for a relationship but wanted to be friends. I said I couldn't understand it after all he had said to me, he said he didn't want to lead me on. The worst part for me though, I said I felt he had already lead me on with what he had said to me and his actions and he had the cheek to say I came on too strong!! He had basically declared his undying love for me.
He's left me questioning my whole self and he's straight back on those dating sites!
I'd just like to know others perspectives, am I too sensitive? I'm just fed up with all of this and want to meet someone decent that doesn't continually do this to me.
Thank you in advance x

Tenshidarkangel Thu 13-Apr-17 16:48:57

He's met another woman but wants to keep you on the back burner just in case.
You can do better. Chuck him.

NeonGod73 Thu 13-Apr-17 17:08:58

Both of you made the big mistake of revealing too much about yourselves before meeting up. He promised you a lot of romantic bollox and talked about destiny and all that shit without even seeing you. He realised you were the one! Prior to meeting you in the flesh, you know what I am saying?! Then you met, he kept the bollox going for a while, then it all petered out in a day or two. Pf, nice. Did he also want to marry you before meeting up?..just remind me...

vixta87 Thu 13-Apr-17 17:19:12

Well he does play the guitar, so I guess it stretches to women. Not easy when you're on the receiving end of it though, everyone wants to be wanted.

Secretlife0fbees Thu 13-Apr-17 18:12:53

What an arsehole. I would say there are 2 positives from this:
1. You didn't have sex with him
2. You will be wary of this type of intensity next time
Sorry though OP I'm not surprised you feel shit about it. It doesn't make sense!

vixta87 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:23:21

Really doesn't, but thank you for taking time to reply, tired of having my feelings played with, but as they say chin up and tits out (I've just got to convince myself of that first) x

SuperSkyRocketing Thu 13-Apr-17 18:37:56

He sounds like a right knob. You dodged a bullet imo.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to analyse it too much. His problem not yours. That kind of intensity before you'd even met is never a good sign.

Hellofromme Thu 13-Apr-17 18:49:47

When you said you hit it off instantly and talked for hours into the evening, I assumed you were in a relationship but you hadn't even met! That is ridiculous. He has completely messed you around but don't invest so much time in someone without meeting.

vixta87 Thu 13-Apr-17 19:36:07

Yes you're right, but at the time when someone is telling you everything you want to hear it's not always easy to take a step back.

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