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Do I take a moody ex back?

(42 Posts)
annabananna82 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:48:49

Or has anyone taken back an ex who was moody and angry and they've changed?

We were together 2.5 yrs
He had anger management which I knew about but to be honest looking back I don't think he ever got it sorted

He huffed, puffed, got irritated, road rage, littlest things wound him up

I know these don't sound awful and terrible but towards the end it was very hard to be around him and I was miserable so I ended it, back then for my own sanity

Nearly 3months on and for the last month he has been in contact saying he wants to try again, take it back to basics, date, that he loves me misses me and has ' changed ' isn't angry isn't miserable

Today I've felt I miss him as at first we weren't really talking and because I felt happy with my decision I thought I had or was at least on the road to moving on

Why am I sad today? Feel it's so hard saying no to someone I love and wanted a future with - not because I don't want it I just can't see how people can change

An I being unfair?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 12-Apr-17 20:52:45

I think you are with my ex op!!
Seriously though. . He hasn't changed. . He won't change. . The only one who can change is you - start seeing him as he really is and not as you want him to be. .

annabananna1111111 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:53:49

Sorry I'm confused?

marshmellowlover Wed 12-Apr-17 20:56:33

Think they mean no don't take him back hmm

Mrsfloss Wed 12-Apr-17 20:56:52

Sounds as if you are better off without him.

It's normal to grieve and miss him though.

You are worth more flowers

ZilphasHatpin Wed 12-Apr-17 20:59:10

Why?? Why would you want to? Life is too short to share your home with someone so depressing! Take your life back. Walk away and don't look back. Seriously, there are actual nice people who know how to treat their partners. Find one of them. Let this one be someone else's problem.

LimpidPools Wed 12-Apr-17 20:59:47

It does sound awful and terrible! It sounds crap!

Just like any breakup you feel sad about what might have been, but you've told us already that what it really was wasn't great.

Acknowledge that you feel sad, then chin up and get on with moving on.

SandyY2K Wed 12-Apr-17 21:04:06

I think it's possible for people to change. If you have any love for him, you could try the going back to basics.

I wouldn't say to give an abuser another chance, but he might have changed.

What has he done in the last three months to help? Counselling or something? I'd want to know what he's done before considering anything further.

Bobbins43 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:05:01

Fuck, no. Do not take him back.

LellyMcKelly Wed 12-Apr-17 21:10:35

God no. Be grateful you got away from that mood sucker.

ZilphasHatpin Wed 12-Apr-17 21:12:59

Nearly 3months on and for the last month he has been in contact saying he wants to try again, take it back to basics, date, that he loves me misses me and has ' changed ' isn't angry isn't miserable

Ask yourself,
a) would he have any reason to lie about having changed? (Yes, he knows it's what you need to hear to consider taking him back)
B) what does he stand to lose by getting back with you? (Were you aggressive and moody? Abusive?)
C) what do you stand to lose by getting back with him? (You could be back in an abusive relationship -that's a loss)
D) why does he want you back? What is he missing now that you aren't with him? Did he live with you? Did you do his cooking/cleaning/laundry?) were you a convenient verbal punchbag? What is it about you that he wants back?

PickAChew Wed 12-Apr-17 21:16:03

Ah, well, if he really has changed then I'm sure some other mug will have a much nicer time with him than you did. Until he can't be arsed to make the effort with them any more, either.

annabannana82 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:23:34

Well I have no idea what he has done to change

Think from what he said he's just realised

We didn't actually live together but it felt like it as I did everything for him 😫

I don't think anythings changed for the better and tbh I just wanted to speak to you guys on here to get some advice

SuperSkyRocketing Wed 12-Apr-17 21:24:37

Unless he's had the best anger management help ever invented then there's no way he could've changed in under 3 months to become a totally new man.

If you take him back it'll only be a matter of time until he slips back into his old ways. As other PPs have said life is too short. You were happy with your decision when you made it and you were moving on. That's got to tell you it was the right decision. You're sad because he's contacted you again and he's tugging on your heart strings with the 'I've changed' script. It's an act. Don't take him back.

KingsCross88 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:25:17

How has he changed? What has he done to prove he has changed?

The most likely scenario here is that he wants you back and is willing to go back to best behaviour for as long as it takes - and then he'll revert to type.

ZilphasHatpin Wed 12-Apr-17 21:27:13

I did everything for him

Well that answers question D doesn't it? Why does he want you back? Because he isn't actually an adult and needs the woman who wipes his arse to come and do it for him.

Seriously, you don't need this guy. He needs you but not for the reason you want to think. He'll be fine without you, he'll find another mug.

ZilphasHatpin Wed 12-Apr-17 21:28:15

block his number on your phone and on Facebook etc. You're done with him. He doesn't need your number anymore.

Starlight2345 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:28:17

Think about how it was in the very beginning..that may well be how it would be again in the beginning..Then think about why you ended it..That is likely what it will be like once things settle down again. then decide if it is worth your time or not.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Wed 12-Apr-17 21:32:19

I didn't even need to read your post (although I did anyway) as the title told me all I needed to know.
No way should you get back with him. He sounds awful.

SaltySeaDog72 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:50:37

Do not do it.

You want an equal respectful loving adult partner

He wants someone to reel back in and look after him

You want different things. You were doing so well. The fact you were moving on says it all.

Block him and go and live your lovely life. Leave this loser behind.

annabannana82 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:55:43

Thanks everyone smile
Your all right and I do know it
Just having a bad day and he is blocked from everything apart from email as we still had stuff to drop off until recently as kept finding stuff so as I've now dropped off everything we saw each other and it was awful. I have moved on in a way and done the hard bit so just having a sad day. It was so horrible towards the end and there were reasons why I ended it I didn't just end a perfectly healthy relationship like he seems to think

ZilphasHatpin Wed 12-Apr-17 21:59:00

For future reference, it is fine to end a perfectly healthy relationship too if that's what you want. You aren't obliged to give your time/energy/home/body to anyone.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Wed 12-Apr-17 22:01:40

Fuck, no.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Thu 13-Apr-17 02:03:02

He is manipulating you.
Anything else you find of his, just throw away or post to him.

If you did go back, and do "just the basics" (what does that even mean=be civil, respectful?) At what point would the relationship ever move beyond "just the basics"? When he will have thought he had you hooked in, trapped, and couldn't so easily leave, then beyond the basics-and you know what that means (more emotional abuse). Imho, it would be impossible to rely on him for anything that would move towards a full, connecting, merger type of relationship- keep finances separate, keep your own income, maintain an escape plan/funds, etc. Don't be this desperate for a relationship.

AprilSkies44 Thu 13-Apr-17 02:17:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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