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He is said its a minor thing, I went ballistic. How would you feel?

(163 Posts)
SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:31:24

My husband and I have what I consider a very happy healthy relationship, it is however very long term and has its moments. Recently its been great.

Tonight was a huge argument out the blue. Which was very much from my angry perspective.

We have two boys (nearly) 6 and 10, we own two Scalextric's. Owned them for a few years, a second one DH bought home in November 2016. Our children always have massive arguments over these, and I stopped the first game for sometime before the next one was introduced. That was no better despite loads of chances, plenty of games etc.
It ends in rows every. Single. Time.

If DH hadn't provided them, id have chucked them. Instead I resort to hiding them under the beds at the very back.

Last night, DC2 asked to get the Scalextric out 2 mins before bed. I said no way! I then took it out the room and said to DH "No way are they having this, I've never once known them to play it happy together! Its leaving this house, I absolutely hate it."

I put it outside the front door, 10 mins later changed my mind as it was something Dh provided and hid it in the cupboard by the front door, they would never look there.

We all go to bed.
It pays to mention here that I'm the one that's off with the children all school holidays. Not him.

He gets up and goes to work. I wake up at 7am to two screaming arguing children.
They are screeching and fighting over the fucking Scalextric!

I figure they found the second shitty old one at the back of the bed gathering dust. I tell them its gone tonight and never again.

Tonight, DH home, I gather the second set up and go to put it in there cupboard with the other but its empty.

It WASNT the second set. DH undermined me in the morning, took the Scalextric out the cupboard before the kids were awake and put it back in their room.

he game some bullshit excuse that his tools didn't fit, but the tools weren't even bastard in there.

I went absolutely apeshit. Its ME that had to referee these kids, ME that explained how hellish it was when the toy was around yet HE decided to fuck me over anyway?!I

I'm still SO angry.

CognitiveIllusion Wed 12-Apr-17 19:34:46

Well, from the information you've given, I think you overreacted a bit. Was this maybe the last straw, after a series of occasions when he has been unsupportive?

EffinElle Wed 12-Apr-17 19:37:34

Can't your boys play with one each? I agree with undermining though, I'd have been pissed off too.

KateDaniels2 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:38:11

Honestly you have really over reacted.

I dont agree with throwing other people's stuff either

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:40:24

I didn't throw out his stuff.

And no it wasn't a long line of stuff. It was the fact that I was awake with screaming shouting children that he caused, despite me taking away the cause.
He deliberately put the cause back!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 12-Apr-17 19:41:43

Make plans with a friend

Set the bloody menacing track up before you leave and let him referee for a change. .
I feel your pain. . We have one. .
In the loft.

noego Wed 12-Apr-17 19:41:59

1 scalextric 2 cars. They share. Teach them that. It doesn't seem like a big deal to me unless you are making it one.

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:42:08

Its on a long line of stuff if you include the fact that kids are really hand work anyway and he knows that.

That makes it even worse.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 12-Apr-17 19:42:42

I am kind of inclined towards him there.

Bin it or don't bin it.

Keeping a cool toy in their rooms saying they are not allowed to play with it is really quite mean.

Last night you said you were throwing it out then realised you were being bonkers and brought it back inside. He put it properly away in their room.

Have you considered only allowing it when you play it with them? Or having them only play with friends their own age, not together until they are a bit older.

CMamaof4 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:42:43

Sorry but I think you have over reacted..

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:43:33

1 Scalextric two cars.
isn't that how they all work? Please, come to mine and tell them not ti argue over this simple thing. I would be eternally grateful.

Floggingmolly Wed 12-Apr-17 19:44:13

Why are you leaving them to fight over one set when you have two sets? On the face of it you certainly seem unreasonable, unless there's more you haven't said?

coldcanary Wed 12-Apr-17 19:45:11

There's one particular toy that I refuse to have in the house for this very reason. If DH had done what yours did and left me with the consequences I would have been furious as well.
Has he actually seen the tantrums and trouble it causes for himself and had to deal with it? If he hasn't then maybe you should pull the same stunt and bugger off out for a while!

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:46:58

If dh was the stay at home parent and declared that a particular toy that I had bought him caused his life hell when I was at work. There is no way I would deliberately get it out for the kids to play with before I left for work.

Those saying you are on his side, presumably you would feel its fine to do the same to your stay at home partner?

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:48:11

Two Scalextric one safe available powerpoint,

totally missing the point but I'll roll with it....

DoItTooJulia Wed 12-Apr-17 19:49:02

Ah. He just doesn't get it does he? Has he ever done a stretch of being at home with the kids all day every day on his own? Like 5 days when you're out of the house for 8+ hours of them and he's done all the meals, all the housework, all the entertaining, sorted the haircuts and new shoes, done a food shop, cleared out the old clothes and all that jazz?

Because that's what it takes sometimes to understand.

I actually do understand. On the face of it, it's an over reaction but if it bothers you and he's not listening-it's rude and disrespectful of him. It reminds me of that weird article written by a man about why he now understand why his wife left him because he used to leave his tea mug on the side instead of putting it in the dishwasher. I'll see if I can find it to link.

Can it go in the shed? Only to be played with outdoors in high summer to dilute the noise? And when DH is gone to referee?

coldcanary Wed 12-Apr-17 19:51:13

Having gone through similar reactions to certain toys it wouldn't matter if there were half a dozen sets available to play with, arguments and trouble would still happen!
I'd just get rid or if you really don't want to do that ask someone to keep hold of it for you for a while.

Semaphorically Wed 12-Apr-17 19:51:30

If DH (who is the SAHP) reacted like you did, I would be worried about him/us and I would assume there was a backstory that had led to him exploding disproportionately over a fairly average act of misaligned parenting. And I would try to talk to him about it when we were both calm.

Floggingmolly Wed 12-Apr-17 19:52:33

Missing the point? You didn't mention you only had one safe power point, you made a point if saying they had a set each hmm. Bah...

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:55:00

Doitjulia No! He never ever has done, that's not his fault that's just because he's self employed and I work term times. THANK YOU for understanding!

Sema you're missing the point (deliberately?) would you do to your stay at home partner, what I explained above?

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 19:56:13

Nup. Never said they 'had a set each'. Quite the opposite. Read the OP. I hated the first set, so it was hidden, along came a second..... It was hidden....

Owllady Wed 12-Apr-17 19:58:01

I'm bad cop too
He should back you up. I'd have been angry too

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Wed 12-Apr-17 20:00:33

Thank you owlady

Semaphorically Wed 12-Apr-17 20:01:56

I don't think I'm missing the point, I don't think you took my post the way it was intended?. I'm saying that your DH should be listening to you better, he should be worried about you - he's clearly pushed some kind of button and needs to sort that out. Not be dismissive.

Isadora2007 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:03:49

The issue as I see it is you haven't actually said to your husband that you do not want your children to have this game. So you hid the first only to end up with a second. And if your little son is only just about to turn 6 it seems odd that a set played with a few years ago caused trouble as he was surely not capable? At that point it would have been better to be honest with your boys and husband about the game not being suitable. Or being something your husband plays with one child and the other takes turns playing daddy. Then he could
Model playing nicely.

It does seem an overreaction from you OP as you undermined yourself by throwing it out then not throwing it out and so your husband also didn't understand what your intention was as you didn't say it.

Communication between you both and between your boys needs some work.

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