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Time to end friendship?

(8 Posts)
Saraleejunkie Wed 12-Apr-17 13:55:23

I've had a friend for over a decade. We are from the same town and went to school together and family know each other. I have a lot in common with her. We are both into our music and share interests. But I just don't feel I get anything from the friendship. Her family completely dote on her and are very protective of her. Mine are the opposite with me. So I always end up feeling like I've let her down in some way. Not seeing her enough or not being there for her. Her family and partner do everything for her and she is the centre f their world. But she never asks about my life and I would never go to her with problems as it just wouldn't occur to me. She has had a child and I am due soon. So I feel like we are destined to stay in contact. Has anyone got any advice for what to do? Stay friends with someone who I have a lot in common with but just feel they are ultimately selfish or try and be a better friend myself? Friendship stories very welcome!

MsStricty Wed 12-Apr-17 14:07:10

I wouldn't bother. Really. Life is too short to betray yourself and what is right for you in order to keep the peace or to please others.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 12-Apr-17 14:24:04

Do you have a good time when you are together?
Do you feel taken for granted?
Problem is, if she has always lived in the this 'bubble' then she just doesn't know any different.
Have you tried to discuss problems with her?
Is she receptive to that?
If you haven't even tried that then why not?
Maybe you aren't giving her enough credit that she cares and will help you if you need it?
I've no idea though - I'm just throwing those questions out there.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 Wed 12-Apr-17 15:20:57

Think it depends on your expectations of the friendship. I have a friend that this reminds me of, she is rubbish at keeping in touch, doesnt seem particularly interested in me or how I am doing, but when I meet her sporadically we have a decent chat, kids get on well, its a pleasant hour or so. So my expectations of that friendship are having a nice coffee date every blue moon, but if I was hoping for more than the friendship would be pointless! Sounds like the problem in your case might be that she expects more from you than she gives in return? x

OrangeIsTheNewPop Thu 13-Apr-17 00:13:27

It may unnaturally fade anyway when DC comes along.

OrangeIsTheNewPop Thu 13-Apr-17 00:13:55

Ffs...NATURALLY!! Damn phone!

Saraleejunkie Thu 13-Apr-17 13:17:17

I think I either need to keep the friendship as a 'chat over a coffee' type or just let it drift away. It's tricky to explain it as I'm not sure I get it. I guess I just think she is quite self obsessed and has people in her life who are willing and want to support that. I don't. I feel we should be great friends but it just never seems to quite work.

OrangeIsTheNewPop Fri 14-Apr-17 12:46:23

I get it. I tend to form intwnse attatchments to people, and always seem to invest more into friendships than the other person.

You've said that you don't feel you get anything from this friendship. I'd let it drift if it was me. (No I bloody wouldn't - I'd spend days/nights obsessing over where I went wrong!😂). If she misses you, she'll seek you out.

I've also realized- having lost two friendships in the space of a year- that if you put 100% of the effort in, you're essentially letting them get away with putting zero effort in iyswim?

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